Good news! If you like breasts – and really, who doesn’t? – have I got a treat for you.

Bam. Twenty five seconds of sexy mammaries. You’re welcome.

I mean, what are you supposed to do with that? I’m not sure whether to vomit, or be aroused.

As I type, 6,500 Brazilian newborns, and an even-greater number of sexual deviants are frothing at the mouth over this video.

Being totally serious here: I haven’t seen anything this sexy since Cincinnati Bengals offensive tackle Andre Smith’s Pro Day workout at the University of Alabama in 2009. The 43-second and 1:50 mark.

There is rampant speculation that Nacho Tits doesn’t have any nipples. The Angry T can neither confirm nor deny, as we’ve never had the pleasure of getting to second base together.

But we do have it on good authority that he was the inspiration for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s near Oscar miss in 1994, “Junior.”

In the interest of full disclosure, the same good authority also confirmed the rumor that he birthed children with both Travis Henry and Shawn Kemp.

Editor’s note: Nacho Tits is, in all likelihood, not the streaker’s real name. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause people actually named Nacho Tits.

Popularity: 8% [?]

The world of fake tans, grenades, fake boobs, mixed drinks, fist pumps and dance music returns Thursday (10 p.m. EST) as those legendary Jersey Shore kids make their Season Two debut on MTV.

Because this craze hasn’t run its course, millions of bored teens who dream of making money from partying will tune in for the action. And then there are the ultra fans who’ll take their fascination to the next level by holding Jersey Shore parties.

Listen up, wannabe guidos. Here are “10 Jersey Shore Premiere House Party Must-Haves” that are sure to make your friends jealous of how genius you are.

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Popularity: 1% [?]

Check this guy out.

After watching this a couple times, I was feeling sorry for him. Then, I noticed the backpack. Good thing he brought an extra shirt and his Trapper Keeper to the ball game. I’m sure that really helped him when he had his face buried in a public shitter with the stall door open and 10 drunk Phillies fans making fun of his glorified fanny pack first, and his puking second.

Not that we haven’t all seen this before. The overly drunk fan who doesn’t know his limits is a staple at professional sporting events.

Here’s how it must have went down:

5 p.m.

Chase Utley Shirt: “Hey guys, let’s go to McFadden’s before the game and have a few beers.”

Shirt’s Two Friends: “I don’t know, dude. It’s Monday and we’ve got an early morning conference call. I think we’re just going to take it easy tonight and pay attention to the game. This will be the first time I’ve seen Jason Giambi play since he stopped juicing. So an 0 for 4 is not out of the question.”

Chase Utley Shirt: “You guys are a bunch of pussies. ‘Oh no, we have a conference call, so we have to drink caffeine-free diet Pepsi all night.’”

Shirt’s Two Friends: “We can head over to the ballpark now. Knock yourself out. But we’re not drinking much.”

Chase Utley Shirt: “Whatever. Just hold on a sec. I have to get my backpack.”

*Awkward silence*

6:30 p.m.

Shirt’s Two Friends Morphing Into Acquaintances: “Slow down there, Mel Gibson. Wouldn’t it be nice to catch the fifth inning tonight?”

Chase Utley Shirt: “Mel Gibson? Are you calling me Jewish?”

Shirt’s Two Acquaintances: “No, we’re saying your hair was pretty in Lethal Weapon 2. Hurry up and finish that. It’s time to go. Yeah, there you go. And don’t forget your backpack that you inexplicably brought with you.”

7:10 p.m.

Chase Utley Shirt: “YEAH! Phillies, bitch! PHIL-LIES!!!”

7:45 p.m.

Shirt’s Two Acquaintances: “Dude. Look. Backpack McGee is out cold.”

“Jackass.”

7:50 p.m.

The Girls Behind Them: “This is totally going on YouTube. Watch. I’m going to touch his ear.”

*Giggle, giggle*

7:51 p.m.

The Girls Behind Them: “‘Somebody gave me a roofie… Guys, I think I’ve been roofied.’”

Chase Utley Shirt:

8:20 p.m.

Shirt’s Two Acquaintances: “Think we should check on Captain Pukes-A-Lot?”

“No. He’s an asshole.”

“Yeah. You’re right. He really is.”

Popularity: 3% [?]

First things first… chick fights are awesome!

Zoila Frausto, and her hottness, took on, Rosi Sexton, at Bellator 23 (whatever that might be) and in what appears to be a Mall (how fitting).

Poor Rosi didn’t last a minute before getting knocked out cold with a knee right in the face.

We can’t confirm this but we can only guess that there was some sort of sale going on at this Mall, which could be the reason why this fight ended so quickly.

Check out the video at the jump…

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Popularity: 1% [?]

In spite of continually absymal refereeing, the United States soccer/futbol team has secured a spot in the Round of 16 at the World Cup.

The adorable golden boot attached to Landon Donovan’s right foot sent the Americans into the knock-out stage and instantly made the aforementioned Donovan an American Hero on par with George Washington and Tony Meola. 

You’re probably asking yourself how you can honor this patriot and your American side all at once.  Feast your eyes on your new American Soccer t-shirt:

Get a closer look at the image by clicking on the shirt here, or by taking a look below.

Let the world know that you approve of Landon owning the competition.

If you like what you see, you can buy them here and reach Mel Gibson like Patriot status, hopefully without the anti-semitism.

The Angry T

Popularity: 1% [?]

This one is about a week old at this point but deserves attention from hockey fan fight aficionados.

Here we have what was supposed to be a happy day for all those Chicago Blackhawks fans who’ve suffered for years without a winner and Cubs baseball in June. For the first time in the Internet era, Chicago fans weren’t talking about baseball or the Bears when the temps hit 80.

And then loudmouth moron girl skipped GED school and decided to run her mouth.

Your non-typical girl vs. loud mouth girl hockey celebration parade fight after the jump.

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Popularity: 2% [?]

After months and months on the ESPN hype machine, the FIFA World Cup has finally arrived!!!

Are you ready? We’re not either.

So, we did a little research to find out what the hell the big deal was. Turns out, really hot chicks from all over the world show up to these “football” games.

So when you’re channel surfing this weekend and land on ESPN and start asking yourself, “why the hell am I watching this?”

Just remember these pics that we found.

Pics at the jump…

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Popularity: 6% [?]