There is 10:48 remaining in the second quarter in Lebron James has one technical foul after he responded to a hard foul on Anderson Varejao and drew a tech,.  Doug Collins has told us that Lebron must be cautious because he could get a second technical foul.  Sorry Doug and your beautifully dyed hair, I have to call you a liar on this one because there is absolutely no way Lebron James could possibly be thrown out of this game.  The public outcry for Bron Bron being thrown out would equal or eclipse the L.A. Riots and fall just short of the backlash following Clay Aiken’s near win in American Idol. 

There are only a few ways that Lebron could be thrown out of this game and most bear-baiting. Sans bear-baiting here are the top five ways Lebron could make that ejection happen:

5.Lebron takes a huge steaming dump on the Pistons Logo at center court in response to a traveling call.  Because he is the bitch of the staff, Craig Sager interviews the poop, and even the dump thinks his suit is hideous.

4. Lebron pulls his pants down before he takes it to the lane so he can actually put his testicles on Carlos Delfino’s chin when he dunks on him.  Although aroused, Bennett Salvatore is forced to throw Lebron out of the game.

3.  Lebron holds 206 year old Pistons owner Bill Davidson hostage at gunpoint.  While most people believe that Davidson pees his pants in fear of getting shot, those in the know realize that Davidson had no clue what was going on and peed his pants because he is 214 years old.

2. Lebron James takes attempts to take a retaliatory shot at Chauncey Billups, but before he can, Dale Davis dives off the bench and shanks Lebron in the throat with a sharpened toothbrush.  Although Lebron never actually gets thrown out, he is dead at this point, so it’s just as bad as getting thrown out.

1.  Lebron becomes frustrated that only one of players on the floor with him understand his English commands.  Tired of looking at a dumfounded Illgauskus, Pavlovic and Varejao, Lebron Judo chops his entire team and attempts to play one on five.  After doing so successfully for a while, Bennett Salvatore alerts Lebron that playing with one person on the floor is illegal and he will have to eject Lebron.  Lebron judo chops Salvatore and rest of the officiating staff and ends up losing by 2 in overtime. 

The Angry T

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Are there more disgusting people than sports franchise owners?

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Citing the fact that Jerry Buss was responsible for breaking up the Shaq years in LA, that the Lakers are not serious about getting better, and that playing with Kwame Brown for two years was more then enough, Kobe Bryant has demanded a trade. 

“Promises made to make this team better have not been kept, so where does that leave me?”  Alleged Rapist Kobe Bryant told Stephen A. Smith on ESPN radio. 

The players that Kobe Bryant so desperately wanted according to espn.com: Carlos Boozer (Liar, Eskimo), Jason Kidd (Abused Wife, has giant headed child) and Ron Artest (Abused Wife, Criminally Insane ).  You see Kobe really likes to keep quality guys around him.  Sorry Kobe, but you adding one of those players would have cost you Odom and Bynum at least.  And if those trades had been made, you STILL couldn’t beat the Spurs. 

 So what is Kobe really mad about?  Well lets be honest, Kobe has been a villain of the NBA ever since Shaq left LA.  The rape investigation, the feud with Shaq, the NBA suspensions for cheap shots, have all left Bryant one of the most unlikable superstars in the game.  But through all of that he really believed that the Lakers would replenish the talent once Shaq left.  Kobe may have not shipped O’Neal out of town, Jerry Buss did apparently, but he didn’t exactly protest the move.  But Kobe thought the talent was coming, that he would be vilified, but he would be a champion.  Jordan was hated in a lot of places because he won, the Yankees were vilified because they won, Kobe saw being a villain as just part of winning. 

A couple years later and Kobe has to come out for the starting lineup and get booed AND pound fists with Smush Parker.  Its one thing to be hated, it’s another thing to be hated and lose.  That puts you in the company of superstars like….well Carlos Boozer, Jason Kidd and Ron Artest. 

Does Kobe have the right to demand to be traded?  Sure, many superstars have done it before him (A.I) and many will do it after him, it’s the nature of the beast.  But I doubt many people feel bad for his situation, even though he has had to deal with an idiotic front office, villains just don’t get sympathy.

Violent J

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Thats a large pig:

http://www.monsterpig.com/

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Should we all be disgusted that CNNSI feels the need to report when Chris Henry actually passes a drug test?  Should we be shocked that this guy has managed to avoid putting drugs in his system for 30 days or so?  I guess we should, even though he probably realized or was told that if he was caught with drugs again, he would have probably been suspended for the remaining 8 games of this season.  Hell, if Roger Goodell wanted to make a statement, he probably would have kicked him out of the league.

So why is this a story?  Probably because ESPN reported last week that Henry had failed a drug test.  A story was actually posted on ESPN on May 21st that stated that Chris Henry had failed a drug test, which is something we all wanted to believe even if there was no backing other than a statement by some clown named Gary Edmondson who was looking to get his name in the paper.  Well Gary, you should probably be fired for saying that Henry had failed the test and would be forced to serve 88 days in jail when you had no real information as to the truth of that statement.  You can’t do that sort of thing unless you write for a shitty blog.  It’s probably just as bad that a“reputable” news organization like ESPN ran the story before getting any real confirmation of the facts.  If you want to read a similarly hilarious story where claims are made by unnamed sources and conclusion are jumped to based on interviews with underground dogfighters, read this.  Don’t get me wrong, Vick probably had a hand in this debacle but do you need unnamed, underground, and most likely under-toothed dogfighters to make your point?

We should probably be pretty excited that Henry is still around because I want to see him go out with a bang, not just a failed drug test.  I kind of see him punching out the Queen of England in a bear-knuckle boxing match or one up Michael Vick and start up a Bear-Baiting ring.  Good luck Chris and Godspeed.

The Angry T

Popularity: 1% [?]

I can’t wait for my next sports conversation with an old person.  “Back in my day, we didn’t have to worry about steroids.”  “Back in my day, athletes weren’t a bunch of criminals like they are today.”  Well, old man choke on this. 

An 81 year old woman who porked Bart Starr 50 years ago was trying to extort two million dollars from Starr.  This 81 year old temptress was apparently sending Starr letters threatening to expose their relationship that took place over 50 years ago.  How much longer was this woman going to wait before she tried to cash in on this relationship?  At least try to get money out of this guy before you would have to use whatever you get on adult diapers, diabetic testing supplies (and this one) and those weird orthopedic shoes.   

So, I don’t want to hear your self righteous stories old man about the good old days.  I have no doubt Paul Hornung was injecting syringe after syringe of stanizol into Ray Nitchke in the locker room before SuperBowl I.  Hell, Vince Lombardi may have made the runs to Mexico to pick up the horse tranquilizers.  Neither would surprise me after this broad tried to get cash from Starr. 

The Angry T

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Thank you ESPN.

The Angry T

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