Hopefully by now you have seen the “Fantasy File” commercials from NFL.com.   If not, I have compiled every one that is available on youtube below.  Simply and utterly amazing, although I am nearly 400 percent sure they are fake.  Enjoy:

David Akers – I have been trying this one in my backyard for two weeks since I saw this commercial. I am pretty sure it is impossible, or I am athletically inept, or both.

Jason Campbell – My Favorite – In my NFL, this play would be prefectly legal and it would count for 12 points if both recievers scored a touchdown.

Andre Johnson – They tried to film this commercial with the wide reciever taken before Andre Johnson in the 2003 NFL Draft, Charles Rodgers. Unfortunately, Charles was way too high to figure out how to work the Juggs machine. It was also distracting that he took several naps in between takes and it becamse painfully obvious that the light jog that he exhibited in an attempt to catch the ball just wasn’t going to cut it.

Braylon Edwards – Braylon Edwards is the 2007 Mark Hamill. This commercial is also pretty coincidental because Charlie Frye also wears a blindfold when he plays.

Mike Nugent – Just like his father Ted Nugent (but without the bow), although I have done no research to prove that they are actually related, Mike displays deadly accuracy.

 

Chris Simms – Hopefully the NFL lets that guy on the golf cart play wide reciever, because it didn’t look like Chris was that comfortable with any of his non-motorized recievers last year.

Neil Rackers – Lots of kicker love from NFL.com. Apparently not one running back was interested in participating. Either that, or my eight minutes of research wasn’t enough to find the running back videos.

Mark Bulger – This might be the most realistic commercial, although I am not sure if just hitting the down marker makes it change downs. Either way, Bulger is a convincing stage presecene in the mold of Greg Ostertagg in Eddie.

Marques Colston – Hopefully this guy doesn’t get to big for his britches after one good season. I am especially afraid of this happening now that these commercials forced him to hang around known playboys and socialites like Neil Rackers and Mike Nugent.

The Angry T

Popularity: 2% [?]

p>I dont know about you, but if I was a felon, had facial tattoos, was completely mentally unstable, and bit a man’s ear off, I would have a hard time getting girls. However, I am not the former heavyweight champion of the world and apparently ladies love the former heavyweight champion of the world.

From TMZ, here is a video of Mike Tyson leaving a sushi restaurant with not one, not two or three, but four women who I am sure where just coming over to participate in his weekly Scrabble game. Here is the link.

Also, Charles Barkley is never one to keep his mouth shut about anything. Dig that flannel shirt too Chaz. Here is the link.

The Angry T

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Count youself lucky that you read this blog, because once again, the AngryT has scooped the rest of the national media. This time we uncovered the Ten Tim Donaghy foul calls that led to the FBI investigation. Listen, watch and be astonished:

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In the 4th week of the season last year the University of Wisconsin went into Ann Arbor and lost to the University of Michigan 27-13; it was their only loss all year.  They beat Arkansas in the Capital One Bowl 17-14 and finished the year #5 in the coaches poll and # 7 in the AP.  Let’s look at their top 3 wins that year:

* Arkansas (10-4) by 3 on a neutral site a month after their last game.
* Penn State (9-4) by 10 at home
* Iowa (6-7) by 3 on the road

Does anyone else see a problem with a team finishing in the top 5 in the country with this schedule?  If Wisconsin had beaten Michigan, you have to wonder if they would’ve had a chance at the BCS Championship Game against Ohio State.  They could have played in the National Championship game despite the fact that they didn’t have to play Ohio State during the regular season and their non-conference schedule consisted of Bowling Green, Western Illinois, San Diego State, and Buffalo.

While I understand that one loss, even non-conference, could potentially end your national championship hopes, are we really going to allow some of these programs to claim they’re the best in the land by playing nobody during the non-conference and then judging them on a bowl game played well after the regular season ends?  This is not everyone however.  Some schools realize that they’re fans don’t want to see 70 point wins over the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good.  So let’s take a look at which schools are pathetically trying to weasel their way into a BCS game and which schools would deserve all the credit in the world if they make it through their gauntlets.  Let’s take a look at each major conference’s warriors and wimps.

Big Ten Warriors

University of Michigan:
A solid schedule for the Maize and Blue.  Considering Wisconsin, Penn State and Ohio State are all on the schedule, adding Oregon to go along with Notre Dame is something no other school in the Big Ten would do.

• Appalachian State
• Oregon
• Notre Dame
• Eastern Michigan

Big Ten Wimps

Iowa:
No Ohio State, no Michigan, no balls with this non-conference schedule.

• @ Northern Illinois
• Syracuse
• @ Iowa State
• Western Michigan

Ohio State University:
8-0 when they head to Happy Valley, thought they turned the corner with the home and home with Texas, but this schedule is embarrassing.

• Youngstown State
• Akron
• @ Washington
• Kent State

University of Wisconsin:
Until they get burned, you’ll be seeing cupcake city in Madison.

• Washington State
• @ UNLV
• Northern Illinois
• The Citadel

 

ACC Warriors

University of Miami:
Considering they have to go to Florida State and Virginia Tech, new coach Randy Shannon will inherit a schedule put together by Larry Cocker that will test him right away.

• Marshall
• @ Oklahoma
• Florida International
• Texas A&M

University of Maryland:
Now I know Ralph Friedgen didn’t know Rutgers would be a top 25 team when he scheduled them, but the home and home against West Virginia shows me he’s not scared to play good non conference games.

• Villanova
• Florida International
• West Virginia
• @ Rutgers

ACC Wimps

University of Virginia:
A program that is pretty similar to Maryland, except they don’t have balls. When your top non conference game is the 4th best team in the Big East, you have problems.

• @ Wyoming
• Pittsburgh
• @ Middle Tennessee State
• UCONN

Big East Warriors

Nobody really playing that big game….at least none of the Big 3 in the Big East.  They gained some respect with last years Bowl Game Performances, I would have liked to see a better non conference match-up then Maryland, a decent team in a decent league.

Big East Wimps

Louisville:
 You can make the case that UK, MTS and Utah all played in bowl games last year.  You could also wear women’s underwear if you make that case.

• Murray State
• Middle Tennessee State
• @ Kentucky
• @ NC State
• Utah

Rutgers:
What, were Air Force and The Citadel busy?

• Buffalo
• Navy
• Norfolk State
• Maryland
• @ Army

Big XII Warriors

Nebraska:
3 Bowl Teams in their non-conference, including 2 BCS teams last year.  Nobody can complain about Nebraska if they go undefeated this season.

• Nevada
• @ Wake Forest
• USC
• Ball State

Big XII Wimps

Texas Tech:
Will somebody let Texas Tech know that they’re allowed to leave the state of Texas please (They leave twice all season).

• @ SMU
• UTEP
• @ Rice
• Northwestern State

Pac 10 Warriors

Washington:
I know I’ve only mentioned teams that should contend for their conference championship so far, but I though Washington deserved recognition for this great non-conference schedule.

• @ Syracuse
• Boise State
• Ohio State
• @ Hawaii

USC:
Always having Notre Dame on the schedule looks good, adding a home and home with Nebraska shows that Pete Carroll doesn’t believe in the cupcake route.

• Idaho
• @ Nebraska
• @ Notre Dame

Pac 10 Wimps

Arizona State:
Have you ever seen a team so content with just going to a bowl game?  Arizona State’s non-conference pretty much guarantees another trip to the Whocares.com Bowl.

• San Jose State
• Colorado
• San Diego State

Oregon State:
Yawn.

• Utah
• @ Cincinatti
• Idaho State

SEC Warriors

Tennessee:
Play a top team right away and follow it with solid bowl team…..Phillip Fulmer needs to win both badly.

• @ California
• Southern Mississippi
• Arkansas State
• Louisiana Lafayette

 

Alabama:
This team already had 5 ranked teams to deal with in the conference, and they still went out and scheduled a top team for their non-conference schedule.

• West Carolina
• @ Florida State
• Houston
• Louisiana Monroe

SEC Wimps

Arkansas:
They have the best player in America, and he’ll look like it against these patsies.

• Troy
• North Texas
• Chattanooga
• Florida International

Other Warriors

Notre Dame:
No D1-AA schools for Notre Dame.  Instead they’ll face the pre-season #1, #5, # 14 and #17 teams this year….and that’s not counting Georgia Tech or Boston College.

• USC
• Michigan
• UCLA
• Penn State

Other Wimps

Boise State:
When you play Utah State, San Jose State, New Mexico State, Nevada, Louisiana Tech and Idaho in your conference, maybe you shouldn’t schedule Weber State.

• Weber State
• @ Washington
• Wyoming
• Southern Mississippi

It is good to know that the NCAA and the BCS won’t be looking at this list when they consider the BCS games.

Violent J

Popularity: 1% [?]

Carlos Pena is a hitting machine.  If you would have told me two years ago that I would utter that phrase at any time in my life, I would have probably hit you with a sock full of quarters, stole your wallet, and called you a liar. I watched Carlos intently during his formative years in Detroit.  He showed flashes of brilliance, but inevitably he looked too inconsistent to ever deliver on his talent.   Pena was dead to rights after the 2006 season after being released by Boston.   He signed a minor league contract with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays prior to the 2007 season, which is one short step above signing a contract to play in the Rock and Jock Softball Team.  By the grace of Joe Madden himself, Carlos Pena remembered that he had some talent and he started to mash.  Carlos hit home runs 29 and 30 this evening and he is a lock to win the Comeback player of Year Award.

Carlos’ performance got me thinking, which is a rarity. If the MLB is going to heap praise on the best comeback player each year, shouldn’t they also criticize the players that play below their ability or previous performance levels? They could call this award, "The Go Away Player of the Year Award."   The list below is filled to the brim with players who should probably take two weeks off, and then quit. SO, the Angry T is proud to present the “Go-Away Players of the Year” at each position:

C: Paul Lo Duca – In all fairness to my countryman, Paul has dealt with injuries this year,  That being said, in the 89 games that he did play, Paul hit .267 with a .310 on base percentage.  Although he remains very difficult to strike out, Paul hasn’t played more than a 130 games any of the last five seasons and has averaged 97 games a year during that stretch.

1B – Aubrey Huff – Whoever coaches first baseman in Tampa Bay should be given a raise. That man brought along Aubrey Huff and nutured Carlos Pena and guided him towards his current success. After three very solid years with Tampa Bay, Huff left for Houston and lost most of his ability to play baseball.  His still hasn’t found his stroke with Baltimore and that’s why he finds himself on this list.

2B – Ray Durham – Sorry Ray, .224 protecting Barry Bonds just doesn’t cut it.  I accept your apology however, they only pay your 35-year-old ass seven million a year, I don’t even get out of my bed for seven mil these days. Thanks for the beer though.

 

 

SS – Juan Uribe – This was the easiest choice on the list.  The fact that this guy still has a job in baseball at any level eats away at my soul on a daily basis.  The good news is, with his hideous baseball swing, Juan will always have a job as a lumberjack in the Pacific Northwest.

 

3B – Nike Punto – Punto has a nice glove, but unless you have enough range to cover both positions left of second base, you can’t hit .201 and play in the major leagues.  

CF – Johnny Damon – Not even Jesus himself could help Johnny this year.  He is posting near career lows in batting average, on-base percentage and slugging percentage and at  33 years old, Johnny is no spring chicken.  Time to get in good with the Boss John, I hear there is an assistant traveling secretary position that the club is looking to fill.

RF – Jose Cruz Jr. – While .234 with six home runs may be par for the course for the San Diego Padres, I hold major leaguers to higher standards.  Go home to Puerto Rico Jose, you are a 10 year veteran, you have a fantastic pension locked up.  Plus, Mike Cameron already called dibs on the role of outfielder that consistently hits under .250, but looks very athletic doing it. Plus, Jose will never equal the awesomness of his father’s haircut.

 

LF – Craig Monroe – My heart breaks as I type Craig’s name.  Craig Keystone Monroe carried my Detroit Tigers to the World Series last year.  Well maybe he didn’t carry them, but he was pretty money in the playoffs.  But Craig didn’t produce this year, so the Tigers gave him his walking papers.  I wish Craig the best and I pray that his .222 average this year was a aberration, but if all else fails, he may have a career in making cameos in poorly produced commercials for local sporting goods stores.

 

P – Jose Contreras – While it is debatable whether Jose is actually only 35 years old; it is not debatable that he is god-awful.  Whatever stuff he once had is now long gone. There is still a reason to keep an eye on Jose this year, as he current sits on 16 losses and he very well may go Mike Maroth on us this and throw up the 20 big ones.

By the way, for anyone interested, I am starting a letter writing campaign to have Juan Uirbe removed from the major leagues from crimes against good baseball swing mechanics.  I encourage anyone interested to write Kenny Williams, Bud Selig, your congressman, or anyone else that could get this initiative off the ground.   My hope  is that one day we can all live in a world where we don’t have to become physical ill daily when this guy starts his trot form the on-deck circle to the batter’s box.  

The Angry T

Popularity: 5% [?]

Every state seems to have something to complain about when it comes to their sports teams.

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As NFL training camp and the exhibition season winds down, NFL coaches are faced with difficult decisions of who to cut and who to keep (Homer does it best). There are literally hundreds of players who coasted through their college education and learned no transferable skills, in the hopes that they would make the NFL (kind of like me, without the athleticism or the dreams of the NFL). There are some players however, who were either drafted late, or went undrafted that will work their unto NFL rosters and eventually become All-Pros, just like the team below.

Earlier this week, The Angry T compiled a list of the NFL

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