What better way to kick off Super Bowl weekend than with a video recapping the entire NFL season. Here is the Angry T NFL Season in Review.

The Angry T

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Those of you who know me are aware of the fact that I dance like a young, not dead Fred Astaire. As such, I can appreciate the type of dance you will see in this video

The people on the train just need to show more emotion. The dancers are recreating the greatest music video ever and the train’s passenger’s dont even crack a smile. Nice work understated English pricks.

The Angry T

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When are these women’s group going to give it up? If these people go through life getting pissed about everything, they will all die of heart attacks at the age of 34.  Look at this, talk about getting pissed about nothing.

Okay, okay so they were drunk, yelling, “We Love Yale Sluts,” outside of the women’s center.   Fine, so they screamed “DICK,” at a young woman who was trying to walk into the civic center.

"They’re celebrating their masculinity in a way that’s extremely offensive, not only to me approaching them but to other women on campus," she said. "It’s derogatory," said Yale junior Jessica Svendson.

What’s so derogatory about it Jessica?  The “slut” part? The fact that they were drunk and harassing you as you walk around campus? The fact that they did all of this outside of the Yale women’s center?  Oh…well…I guess that is pretty derogatory. 

What, the Yale party scene isn’t as hoppin’ as it used to be? What about the bar scene in New Haven, doesn’t that offer any sort of night life?  Look at the fall colors for shit’s sake.

 In any, event, make sure you watch that video, its Fraaaaaaaaatttastic .

The Angry T

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Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the media circus that is Super Bowl XLII.  The immortal battle between Boston and New York to determine which U.S. city can reign as the supreme leader of ridiculous and uninspiring media hype, both before and after the game.  Which city will make history by writing, talking, and proclaiming (Amen, brother) the good word of how Eli Manning will now become the face of Gatorade over his elder brother for taking his team to the Promised Land and destroying the evil Goliath with the swing of his trusted sling.  Or will it be Tom Brady who will be named by the Vatican as the second coming of Jesus Christ (Halleluiah!) after defeating the wrath of Strahan, through which the Gates of Hell reside between his front 2 teeth.

Frankly, the public relations departments for each franchise should be applauded for the countless hours and unimaginable effort they must go through to create the frenzy that comes with an event of this magnitude.  But what they do not get nearly enough credit for is the less obvious background ideas they have embedded into the deepest, darkest parts of our mind—the simple subconscious suggestion that even though THEIR team is clearly going to win, maybe, just maybe, something could go wrong.  Namely, I wish to show my admiration to those creators of the Psychic Post-game Excuses.

Everyone around the water cooler is talking about the huge point spread in Vegas, the undefeated Patriots and the clarity of their blow-out win, or the Giants and how the underdog still has a little bite left in ‘em.  And clearly, nobody can escape the paparazzi snappers taking pictures of Brady’s foot or the reporters splashing the Plaxico trash talk all over the front pages of the sports section.  But think about it—is this information being leaked/released, or is it a backup plan for the team with the least amount of points at the end of February 3rd.  Here are just some of the headlines and statements from the big time news sources (i.e. CNN-SI, MSNBC, ESPN, Fox News):

Brady shows slight limp in first practice: Patriots QB missed all three last week while nursing sore right ankle

Brady returns to practice: Pats QB back on field after missing sessions last week

Flu-ridden Giants arrive for Super Bowl XLII: Several players came down with illness after subzero game vs. Packers

Giants show unity as Ross, others battle sickness

Giants arrive in Arizona: ‘Business trip’ begins with six players battling the flu

Plaxico Burress calling for a win

Moss has restraining order extended

“…some observers feel the Giants may hold an advantage in the Super Bowl because they played a neutral site game this season in London against the Miami Dolphins.”

“…there is something to be said about a Giants team that performed better on the road this season than it did at home.”

Brady gets taped up for Patriots Workout

Brady not concerned with injured Ankle

And of course there’s always talk about the asterisk due to Spygate, the questionable injury report for New England, and whether or not Eli is able to grow facial hair.  The point is that we talk about these headlines trying to predict the outcome of the game, but in reality the fans of the losing squad will generally turn around and use them as an excuse for why they lost.  It’s like explaining to your teacher in 4th grade you did poorly on a test because you were up all night hunting for meat to feed your family in Oregon Trail.

We’ve heard them all before: Jordan has the flu and still scores 112, Schilling pitches the game of his life with a bloody ankle and 40,000 stitches in it, and Rasheed Wallace “Guaran-sheeding” a win and the maximum allowable technical fouls in a season (the last one not so far stretched).  Anyway, I thought I would throw them a little support and make a few more reasons either team can use to explain why they couldn’t bring home the championship:

Winter weather teams uncertain how warm temperature, perfect weather will affect the passing game

Wes Welker’s mustache grown too large: trainers uncertain how to put mouthpiece in

Archie Manning planning to cheer for successful QB son at Super Bowl XLII: “We’re all very proud of Peyton”

Giants plan to place Rachelle Washington in first-row of end zone after coin-flip: Will Randy Moss be taken into custody for a touchdown?

Jessica Simpson plans to attend Super Bowl to support New Yorkers

Brady suspected to have pulled groin after ‘Going for it on 4th and down’ with supermodel girlfriend

Raging M

References:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/ross_tucker/01/28/roadtrip/index.html
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/playoffs07/news/story?id=3219550
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/football/nfl/specials/playoffs/2007/01/28/moss.restraining.ap/index.html

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I love two things more than anything else in the world, Football and Real World / Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet III. My two loves are the most entertaining things on television. Best of all, this year’s Super Bowl gives me a perfect opportunity to tie the two together. The Gauntlet pits the Rookies against the Veterans just as the Super Bowl features a Giants squad with virtually no Super Bowl experience (Rookies) against a Patriots team that has been here and done this before (Veterans). There are also player by player similarities, which we have painstakingly put together below.

The Giants:

Eli Manning ‚ – Kenny -No one expected much out of Kenny when he appeared on Fresh Meat, just as very few people thought that Eli would go this far. Both proved the doubters wrong and established themselves as game competitors.

Michael Strahan  -Coral – Challenge fans know Coral as the hard-headed veteran who is constantly getting in arguments with every other Challenge member. Despite her bitchy attitude, she always puts together a very strong effort and normally ends up hanging around until the finals. Much in the same way, Strahan pissed off teammates and management by holding out, yet once again, he put together a strong season next to Osi Umenyiora, and has lead his team to the Super Bowl for the second time.

Corey Webster – Adam – Despite his diminutive frame , Adam used his quick feet to his advantage and nearly advanced to the finals in the Challenge version of Powerball in the season premiere. Jason used his quick feet to pick off a Brett Favre pass in overtime that allowed Lawrence Tynes to turn from goat to hero in one kick.

Aaron Ross – Eric – In the season preview for the Challenge, Eric is shown getting violently ill. MTV makes the viewer believe that Eric is close to death during this season, when he probably just had a bad case of the Hershey squirts. Aaron Ross got the flu on the team flight and delayed it departure by an hour. They are officially brothers in puke.

The Patriots:

Evan -Tom Brady – Both of these guys are very affable, good looking dudes. (And I mean that in the straightness way possible ladies) They are always in it until the finish, and in the Super Bowl and the Gauntlet III, they will be the favorites to take home the gold.

Randy Moss  – CT – CT and Randy generally rub people the wrong way. Randy may or may not have rubbed a young woman the wrong way, and CT definitely rubbed Davis the wrong way when he punched him in the face in the last challenge.

Beth – Matt Light -These two fit perfectly together because they are each other’s equal in terms of attractiveness.

Diem -Tedy Bruschi – Tedy and Diem are both on the “potentially life threatening illness team” as Diem survived cancer and Bruschi survived a stroke. Thankfully, both recovered and returned to their respective livelihoods.

Brooke  – Mike Vrabel – Brooke, the supposedly goodie-two-shoes southern belle of Real World Denver, ended up making out with a chick in the Challenge’s first episode. Mike also likes to play both ways, as he is a goal line threat for the Pats.

Brad – Junior Seau – Brad has been a solid competitor in the Challenges, nearly advancing to the final on a number of occasions. In his 18 year career, Junior has always been a bridesmaid. For their sake, I hope they can make it to the altar in their respective professions this season.

And last but not least…

Belichick – TJ Lavin – Both Belichick and TJ know their way around a bong. Belichick is familiar with the buddha because his son was charged with possession and intent to distribute. Lavin is familiar with weed because he smokes around 2.6 pounds every day. These men are also drawn together by the fact that everyone thinks they are huge douches.

Enjoy the Challenge this week, I know I will.

The Angry T

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When I was in college, I wanted nothing more than to learn how I might get into the prestigious world of porn. Everybody always looked like they were having so much fun. If I would have attended The College of William & Mary, my dream may have become a reality. I could have learned that I could have stripped to pay my way through college. I could have also become semi-aroused at the site of this show:

A woman named Dirty Martini, who weighed more than 200 pounds, did a striptease in a G-string and pasties, while a woman named Cono Snatch Zubobinskaya gave an anti-war performance that included a dildo shaped like a gun, the newspaper said.

The good news is, university funds were not used for this glorified Sex Worker Career Fair. Oh wait…they did use university funds to show what the life of a stripper is like to a group of university students? I love the idea, its tough to get a job with a marketing, advertising or communications degree, why not let the students diversify their options. Tell you what William & Mary, you give me an auditorium four, dollars and a Blockbuster membership andI’ll fill the place and show each and every student the movie Striptease, featuring Demi Moore. That movie shows the viewer all they will ever need to know about the high stakes game of taking your clothes off for money. Plus, if they miss anything, I have my own personal copy of Showgirls with Elizabeth Berkeley that should fill in any holes.

The Angry T

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Apparently, it won’t just be the gamblers, degenerates, and football fans that descend on Glendale, Arizona for the Super Bowl. Personally, I am encouraged that hookers in this country are such entrepreneurs. It gives me hope that this potential recession might be avoided. Word to the skank, be careful of Pac-Man Jones, and for his own sake, just leave Eugene Robinson alone.

The Angry T

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