A co-worker of mine (the favor-accepting, ex Ohio State fencer whom you may recall) sent me this link first thing this morning about last season’s Ohio State/Illinois game.

I read the headline and immediately responded with something like “big deal…all that means is that they might have been undefeated when LSU kicked their asses.” He insisted that I actually read the entire article, so I ignored the “Days since Michigan last beat OSU” counter and went on. In case you threw up and didn’t make it to the end, here is the major highlight:

(the play in question)

“The crew working the game, headed by referee Steve Pamon, had come under criticism for its work the previous week when Purdue played Penn State. After the season, a Yahoo Sports investigation revealed Pamon had a history of bankruptcy, casino gambling, child abuse and allegations of sexual harassment.”

Makes you do a double-take right? Now consider this: The same crew that worked the OSU/UI game was suspended the following week for their performance in the Penn State/Purdue game a week prior. Per a Sportingnews.com blog post from the week after the incident, the Big Ten admitted to Joe Tiller that the officials had “missed several calls during the game.”

Here’s a link to an ESPN.com story with more details about this from December 2007. Apparently Pamon was $400K in debt from gambling losses, which caused him to file for bankruptcy.

So let me get this straight…a crew of officials, one of whom had once amassed almost half a million dollars in gambling debts and had to declare bankruptcy because of it, makes calls that are reviewed and determined to be 100% wrong in multiple instances, and this story has no legs?

As far as I see it this is a COLOSSAL issue in the wake of the Tim Donaghy situation in the NBA. I’m not sure who is in bed with whom on this one, but this hasn’t been in the news much at all, and ESPN even tries to sugarcoat their coverage of it, which as far as I’m concerned exposes them for the knob-slobbering morons that they are. This quote from the article says it all: “But while Pamon filed for bankruptcy in 2002, the Big Ten didn’t conduct its background check on Pamon until 2005.”

Now correct me if I’m wrong here, but isn’t the purpose of a background check to uncover things that happened in the past that have the potential to compromise a person’s ability to do a job in the present and future? If my math is right, 2002 came before 2005, which means that some red flags should have shown up on the background check. Apparently the NCAA and the Big Ten didn’t ask enough questions…probably because they were too busy getting a detail together to put a wire on Ron Zook’s text messages.

Oh, and Pamon was cleared to officiate bowl games, including the BCS.

I understand why the NCAA and Big Ten want this story to go away, but it’s time for everyone else to call them out for their stupidity and arrogance. It’s not like other sports haven’t had gambling issues before. This seems like it should be a top concern for everyone.

We’re getting closer to the day when nothing that happens in any sport will ever be believable. In the meantime, I can’t wait to find out what Class D high school games these guys will be refereeing this year so I can throw my paychecks on the underdog and the points.

Tenacious E

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The forward thinking cats at the Little League World Series are refusing to wait for a bad call to ruin their championship game. They will institute instant replay at this year’s World Series to “overturn an obvious wrong.” Language like that begs the question, if the wrong is so obvious, why would it be called in the first place. Is every one of the Little Leagues umps Don Denkinger’s second cousin. Zinnnnng! Too soon?

Tournament organizers didn’t stop with the instant replay rule, oh no, they decided that although the Series is great, it can be a lot better with these rules in place. The Angry T’s investigative staff uncovered these rules and we displayed them below, with our own comments.

10. No Crying - I am sorry that you lost little guy. I really am. But don’t you dare go Adam Morrison and embarrass yourself. Do those guys below look cool? Well those sunglasses are pretty boss, but the man under them is not cool, mostly because he is crying. Don’t forget, your friends are watching and they will make fun of you when you get back to school.

9. No Fans may attend the Games and No Television Accounts of the Games are to be Disseminated in Any Form – The Little League World Series decided to implement this rule so it will be impossible for any parent to live vicariously through their children. Each child will be sworn to secrecy about their performance or the performance of their team. Sorry dad, your dead-end job and intermittent missionary sex with your wife will have to be enough to keep you from idling the station wagon in the garage for three hours with you in the front seat.

8. All Fights Between Parents must be “To the Death” – If parents are willing to get into fights in the stands over a 12 year old’s baseball game, then they better be prepared to take it to the ultimate level at this year’s World Series. Organizers believe this may discourage parents from starting petty arguments over a child’s baseball game. Conversely, I think this will increase the incidents of second degree murder that take place in Williamsport, PA.

7. No Chinese Taipei Allowed - I am sorry Chinese Taipei, you are too good.  Is that what you wanted to hear all these years? You won 17 Little League Baseball World Series titles from 1969 though 1996. Go back to your own country and beat up on the Heilongjaing province (oh thats a real province) because we are tired of getting our ass kicked by you.

6. More Alcohol Sales, i.e. Open Bar Dude- This rule may seem to run counter to the rule about fighting parents above. However, while the Little League World Series hopes to cut down on fighting parents, they also appreciate, and laugh at, drunks trying to fight each other. It could be an in between inning feature, or something to shoot to when Musberger waxes poetically about his favorite ice cream parlor in the Williamsport area.

5. All Countries involved must have signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty - Sorry Saudi Arabia, I am not buying that the kid below was naturally 6′8″ and 256 pounds at 12 years old. I have seen what they do to vegetables these days. (and cows…and rabbits) Let me guess, you saw the first episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, saw what you thought was a good idea, and then gave this kid and his family a mansion right in the middle of a nuclear testing range.

4. Move the Bases and the Mound In – 60 feet and 45 feet respectively is not close enough. Sure the pitcher is 6′4″ and sure the bats are made out of the same stuff NASA uses to power the space shuttle, but thats no reason for tournament organizers to move the bases or the mound to reasonable distances. In fact, lets move them in a couple feet each game until the fielders have about .005 seconds to react and the pitcher’s perceived velocity from 30 feet is around 140 mph.

3. Every Team gets one Wild-Card - Remember that Danny Almonte character? Was he over 12 years old? Sure. Was he entertaining nonetheless? Of course. Do they still put his old ass on Sportscenter every once in a while to show us that he was in high school or that he got married or that he applied for Social Security? Yes.

The purpose of the Wild-Card is so that a team can attempt to forge a birth certificate or grab a kid from Haiti that never had a birth certificate in the first place. Only the team knows who their wild-card is, but I can give tournament organizers a head start by advising them to look at the kid with a mustache and lip full  of Copenhagen first, and then check the 4′10″ pre-pubescent 5th grader with a Jonas Brothers tote-bag.

2. More Curveballs - Even the kids who aren’t in the game must be throwing curve balls on the side at all times. Let’s bring their tiny baby tendons to the brink of a tear. Who said a twelve year old shouldn’t be throwing four different breaking pitches? Little Johnny needs to know who to throw a slurve before he gets to middle school or he’s going to be hit all over the yard.

1. Lloyd McClendon must Participate in every Little League World Series – Have you seen this guy’s stats from the 71′ Series. Here is an excerpt from this article detailing his exploits:

As a 6-foot twelve-year-old, Lloyd McClendon hit five home runs (in five official at-bats) over three games in the ‘71 series, a record that stood until 1996 (Record broken by J. Christ (Isreal)). He was intentionally walked in his other five plate appearances. In the championship, he gave up only three runs in eight innings against a team from Chinese Taipei, but Anderson Little League ended up losing 12-3 when Taiwan Little League scored nine runs in the top of the ninth inning. Earlier in the week, he pitched a three-hit shutout against Lexington, Ky.

If you think having a 49 year old Lloyd McClendon in the Little League World Series wouldn’t make it more interesting, you’re nuts.

The Angry T

Popularity: 1% [?]

Meet Emma Spellar (Hottest Girls of MySpace)

Lock down the TP (Tasty Booze)

Will Ohman’s Harry Carry impression (Mac G’s World)

Brady Quinn in tights, most likely to protect the razor bumps (Busted Coverage)

Don’t you miss with Vince’s girlfriend (CelebSlam)

Monkey Porn for all (Brahsome)

George O’ Leary sounds off (Loser with Socks)

Thai chicks love MCDonald’s (Bright Black Internet)

NYPD Cop Shoves Bicyclist (Blog of Hilarity)

The Chinese are getting two familiar with their smog (Cuzoogle)

You Sir, are no Arthur Fonzarelli (Don Chavez)

Cuteness vs. Inhumanity of Death graph (Banned in Hollywood)

Pic of the Day (YepYep)

Shut up about your shark Seacrest (Derober)

I blame Bob Huggins (Flatusyahu)

There you are Bobby Revell (Uncoached)

Don’t underestimate the flexibility of Reese Witherspoon (on205th)

There you are Mo from GUTS (Boosh Magazine)

Mindless Movies for guys (Next Round)

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Robert Steele, 32 is your stereotypical Chicago White Sox fan.  He is passionate, he is a family man, and he is missing several teeth.  And while attending his fiance’s 2-year old niece’s Sesame Street themed birthday party, he had his chance to show just how much he loves the Sox. 

Being a typical Sesame Street themed birthday party, there were Big Bird tablecloths, an Oscar the Grouch cake, and of course huge amounts of beer and vodka consumption.   Steele, quickly found himself being harassed by 3 Chicago Cubs fans.  The rest I will leave to the Chicago Sun-Times:

 

“The taunting got worse as the men drank vodka and beer, and it escalated into a physical fight that involved all four men, Bieze said.

Steele’s nose and orbital bone were broken, and he lost his right eye after getting kicked in the face with a steel-toed boot, authorities said. He has been released after several days in an Elgin hospital.

Boguslaw ”Bob” Czapla, 37, of Elmwood Park, was charged with mob action and aggravated battery. His brother, Jaroslaw ”Jerry” Czapla, 31, of Huntley, and Maciej ”Mike” Trojnar, 33, of Elmwood Park, were charged with mob action and battery, according to Huntley Deputy Police Chief Todd Fulton.”

 

The right eye was later recovered in the Mr. Snuffalupagus Moon Walk while his pride was later found in Count Von Count’s ball pit.  However Mr. Steele learned several valuable lessons:

1. It really hurts getting kicked in the face by steel-toed boots
2. His niece didn’t fully appreciate the signed Juan Uribe baseball he got her.
3. Never make fun of Bob Howry’s ERA in front of 3 drunk Cubs fans.

 

Fortunately for Mr. Steele, now that he is missing an eye to go along with his already missing teeth, he looks even more like a true Chicago White Sox. 

Violent J

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I would like to congratulate Kwame Brown for stealing money from yet another NBA franchise. This time his theft hits close to home because he signed with my home town Detroit Pistons. Kwame’s insertion into the lineup will most likely signal the end of Amir Johnson’s, Jason Maxiell’s or maybe even Rasheed Wallace’s stay in Detroit, but I really don’t care about that. I am much more interested in figuring out whether Kwame is the worst #1 pick of all time. Let’s do this scientifically and break it down by sport. We will only look at picks since 1980 to keep it semi-relevant for us 20 somethings. Here goes:

Basketball:

Kwame Brown – 2001 – Washington Wizards – The Pistons will be Kwame’s fourth team in eight seasons. Apparently seven points and six rebounds from a #1 isn’t enough to satisfy most teams.

Michael Olowokandi – 1998 – LA Clippers – Despite a song by a similar name, it turns out, “The candy man cannot.” Who would have thought that a guy who played against stiff Big West competition would struggle when faced with NBA bigs?

Pervis Ellison – 1989 – Sacramento – “Never Nervous,” wasn’t as bad as the above number #1’s and most of the problems that he did have stemmed from injuries rather than lack of heart/lack of a lack of weed.

Football:

Tim Couch – Cleveland Browns – He didn’t revive the Cleveland franchise like many hoped he would. However, he did drive it into the ground like many Steelers fans had hoped.

David Carr – Houston Texans – 2002 – He was just the kind of QB that Houston needed to start their franchise with several losing seasons.

Courtney Brown – Cleveland Browns – 2000- This is the kind of dominant edge pash rusher that Carmen Policy and friends were looking for with the first pick. There is still time for him to realize his talent. He has been out of football for the last two years and I have to imagine that time has been spent doing nothing other than lifting weights.

Ki-Jana Carter – Cincinnati – 1995 – At least this Cincinnati draft pick isn’t getting into fights, or driving drunk, or giving beer to 17 year olds. Instead, he chose to live a quiet life and just be awful on the football field.

Steve Emtman – Indianapolis – 1992 – I remember having nightmares about this guy dry humping my Michigan QBs up and down the field in the Rose Bowl. I’ll take a lot of the blame off Steve for his lack of NFL success and place it firmly on the myriad injuries he suffered in his short career.

Aundray Bruce – Atlanta – 1988 – You can’t blame this guy’s lack of success on injuries. Instead let’s place the blame on a potential love affair with Steve Broussard.

Baseball

Matt Anderson – Detroit Tigers – 1997 -After sucking mightly at the Major League level, Matt did what any man who just wanted to give up might do, he blew out his arm in a octupus tossing competition.

Bryan Bullington – Pittsburgh Pirates – 2002 – The Pirates finally pulled the plug on Bullington, designating him for assignment on July 3rd. The Cleveland Indians quickly dove on the Bullington grenade and signed him off waivers. Good luck Eric Wedge.

Brien Taylor – NewYork Yankees – 1991 -Yankees fans know Brien as a one of two #1 picks overall to never reach the major leagues. Brien, only Steve Chilcott feels your pain.

Hockey

Patrick Stefan – Atlanta – 1999 – Stefan was supposed to be the face of the new Thrashers franchise…not so much. Luckily, their next #1 pick, Ilya Kovalchuk turned out to be the anti-Stefan. (That’s him missing the empty net by the way)

Brian Lawton – Minnesota North Stars – 1983 – Lawton was the first American born player drafted #1. In retrospect, he probably shouldn’t have went #1. That spot should have probably have been reserved for Steve Yzerman, Pat Lafontaine, or Tom Barrasso.

Alexander Daigle – Ottawa – 1993 – Hockey fans and no hockey fans alike know the story of Daigle, who famously said, “No one will remember who was picked #2 this year.” Unfortunately, two cats named Pronger and Kariya were picked behind Daigle and since that draft everyone in Ottawa has tried to forget the name Daigle.

AND THE WORST NUMBER OF ONE OF ALL-TIME IS:

Brien Taylor!!!

Taylor, who demanded “Van Poppel Money,” never made it to the majors partly because of a torn labrum that he suffered while defending his brother in a fight. That being said, the fact remains that he never made the major leagues, and by the grace of Kwame Brown, Brein Phelps is the biggest bust of all time.

The Angry T

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By The Angry T’s latest and greatest writing addition, Nasty Nate

It’s Friday, football fans, which means it’s time for The AngryT’s newest installment of college football conference previews.  In the spotlight this week: the best conference in the history of Western civilization, the SEC.

In case you missed last week’s Big Ten rundown, here’s what we’re going for.

The All-SPF 40 Team
This special honor is reserved for players that throw caution to the wind and brave the sweltering conditions of summer.  Compared to the Big Ten, there were slim pickings, but The AngryT managed to spook these walking q-tips from underneath their beach umbrellas and oversized sun hats.

From L-R: Colin Gallagher (‘Bama), Kyle Prater (LSU), Tim Masthay (UK), Ben Meadows (Ole Miss)
Bottom Row: Heath Thomas (Alabama)

   

 

The All-Pencil Neck Team
Who would have thought that the mighty SEC would have more puny football players that you could beat up than the Big Ten?  Wait, I got it!  Because SEC players are so fast!  It’s easier to be fast when you’re not a bulky, lead-footed Ohioan.  The highlight of this group:  Paul Scioneaux’s emo bangs.

First Row: Justin Sparks (Ole Miss), Robert Ezell (‘Bama), Corey Smith (‘Bama)
Second Row: Paul Scioneaux (LSU), Adam McClure (LSU)

  
 

 

The Greg Oden All-Stars
In honor of America’s favorite 20-year-old great grandfather, these boys men are recognized for looking remarkably older than their teammates.

L-R: Seth Oxner (Arkansas), Chris Johnson (Vandy), Darius Myers (Tennessee), Demiko Goodman (UGA)

   

The Derek Zoolander All-Star Team – The camera loves these gentlemen, and they love the camera.  A male pig tail here, a little fauzhawk there, and maybe just a little Blue Steel set these young men apart from the rest. Look at the Marcus Washington’s enchanting eyes. I would buy anything he was selling, because if I didn’t,  he would burn a hole in the center of my forehead.

L-R: Dorian Munroe (Florida), Omar Love (Ole Miss), Marcus Washington (Miss. St.)
Bottom Row: Brandon Lafell

 

 

Reggie Cleveland All-Stars
I will always give credit where credit is due, and the man responsible for this spectacular group is Bill Simmons.  The players whose ethnicity does not seem to match their names are:

L-R: Travis McCall (‘Bama), Gabe McKenzie (Auburn), Chip Gregory (Arkansas)

  

Worst Team Haircut
I have no clue why Nick Saban is making every white kid on the team get this stupid hair cut. 

L-R: Patrick Crump (Alabama), Brad Pounds (Alabama), Sam Burnthall, Spencer Whitfield (Alabama),
Bottom Row: Thomas Darrah (Alabama), Robert Ezell (Alabama)

 

The Reverse Brock Lesnar All-Stars
These are players that, by appearance, would seem to be a better fit in the WWE than in college football.  One exception: Kentucky’s Brad Hart.  He doesn’t really look like a wrestler, but with that last name, he was born to apply the sharpshooter.  

First Row:  Herman “The Abominable Fro-Man” Johnson (LSU), Colby “Arsenal” Arseneaux (Ole Miss), Chris “The Big Homeless” Bowers (Ole Miss)
Second Row: Ben “Pretty Boy” Bates (UK), Brad Hart (UK), John “Irish Car Bomb” Durmon (Arkansas), Ryan “Psycho” Hill (UT)

  

   

 

 

Most Likely to Form a Boy Band: Dicky Lyons, Jr. (UK) and Tyler Sexton (UK)

Not only do these fellas play for the same team and look the part, the possibility of turning on the radio one day and hearing the newest Dick Sex single gets me out of bed in the morning.

 

 

Lookalikes

Chancey Aghayere (LSU) and Bobby Brown

 

Taylor Pharr (‘Bama) and Chucky

 

 

Soundalikes

John Conner (UK) and John Connor (Terminator 2)

 

Chris Griffin (Vandy) and Chris Griffin (Family Guy)

 

Anthony Littlejohn (MSU) and Lil Jon

 

Best Potential Nickname: Tim “How Should I” Fugger (Vandy)

Best Name for a Son of a Former NFL Player: T-Bob Hebert (LSU), son of Bobby Hebert

 

Most Likely to Hold a Grudge Against his Parents: Richard Dickson (LSU)

 

That does it for the SEC.  Please come back next Friday for our newest installment.  Arkansas safety Evan Bettis is excited already.

 

Nasty Nate

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Just one day after I proclaimed Cristiano Ronaldo the king of poon, he goes and out in public looking like this:

and like this:

(Disclaimer for new readers: This is one of the few times in the history of this site that I will post multiple images of sun-bathing bronzed men. Please feel free to come back often.)

(Other Disclaimer for new readers: I do tend to make a significant amount of pro wrestling posts, so you can expect photos of bronzed men in speedo quite frequently)

If I had my color wheel handy, I would place that color very close to cedar, or metro, depending on the accent color. Step away from the bronzing lotion and and slowly step back into heterosexuality. Despite being all knowing and omnipotent, the tiny Jesus on Ronaldo’s necklace is getting a third degree sunburn.

The most embarrasing part of the this whole salmon colored experience is that his left foot, from the ankle down, is as party white as your average ginger’s thighs. I apologize to John and Derek for even putting this guy in your league.

The Angry T

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