Congrats to the old boy. He worked hard for 8 years to earn about 50 gold medals and its time for him to relax a bit. I’m sure media members and every one out there with a soap box will make a huge deal about Michael smoking weed, and then those same people will go to dinner with their wives, drink two bottles of Pinot Grigio and get drunk as hell. Best quote in the entire story:

“He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.”

I’m also very sure this is the first time this dude has ever smoked and it’s completely safe to say that he never smoked, even once, leading up to his completely annihilation of everyone else in the swimming world at the 2008 Olympics.

Maybe those clowns who make the marijuana commercials can draw one up for Phelps, “Just tell your family you just won 8 gold medals because you were high.”

Or, Michael Phelps saying, “Gold Medals are my Anti-Drug…Although I do love to get high, so its more like Marijuana is my drug and gold medals are what I win, even though I occasionally use marijuana.”

It’s got a great ring to it.

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I learned long ago that my attempts at sports betting would always end in disaster, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t keep betting and losing lots and lots of money.  You don’t have to make the same mistakes as I do by betting with your heart or with some “fool proof” strategy that just can’t lose, until it does.

Let’s use a more scientific approach to choosing a winner.  It’s a strategy that successfully predicted the winner of the BCS National Championship and could have won your several billion dollars.  It’s called the “Relative Hotness Strategy,” and it involves looking at cheerleaders for both teams, and based on their relative attractiveness, choosing a winner.  Let’s take a look and see who the Super Bowl Champ will be:

(Take a look at Gunaxin for even more SuperBowl Babes)

Tara B.

Amanda

Whitney

Marcie

Jenna Lee

Megan J.

Kathy

Alix

Allie

Kristen

Brittani

They aren’t just pretty faces either, they can act:

Neeley

Not bad Arizona, now let’s check out the Steelers ladies:

Wait…

The Steelers don’t have cheerleaders?

Uh oh. Well instead of cheerleaders, let’s take a look at some hot chicks in Steelers gear and she if they stack up against the Cardinals ladies:

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On the strength of the Cardinals cheerleaders, we’re going with K. Warner and Co.  Good luck to anyone that bets against those Cards.

The Angry T

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Clap it up for Monty ladies and gentleman! Our old friend Colin Montgomerie was named Captain of the 2010 European Ryder Cup Team.  It seems like it was only yesterday that every American golf fan was hating on Monty’s Britishness.

For the record, I love Montgomerie, probably because everyone else hates him.

There has been a long tradition of American sports fans hating most things foreign.  Let’s take a look at the foreigners we have grown to hate:

Colin Montgomerie:

Claude Lemiuex - Claudes “cheap shot,” on Kris Draper led to instant animosity between any American hockey and the other Lemiuex. After Claude turtled in his intial fight with Darren McCarty, Claude stood toe to toe and went to blows with the Detroit tough guy.

Jan Ulrich – No one, and I mean no one, has the right to challenge our Tour De France champion.  Jan was Lance’s foil, even though he never won, so we all disliked him.

This might not actually be him:

But this definitely is:

Ivan Drago – Even though he was fictional, there wasn’t an American in the theater was rooting for the big Russian.

Sebastian Janikowski – Maybe it’s because this guy had a couple ecstasy related charges at FSU, but its really hard to like this guy, regardless of his ability to kick the ball several thousand yards.

Aleksander Karelin – This cat had never lost in international competition.  He was the real life Ivan Drago. But Rulon Gardner beat him in the finals of the heavyweight division of the Greco-Roman wrestling competition in Sydney in 2000. I still can’t believe that Gardner won and I can’t honestly say that I was rooting for the unbeatable to be beat.

Iron Sheik - I can’t honestly say I hated anyone more than this guy growing up.

Lennox Lewis - I was one of several million fans who were dumb founded by the fact that this guy kept winning.   The fact of the matter is, Lennox Lewis was the best heavyweight in the world for a solid eight years.  That being said, it felt good to see this:

Slava Medvedenko – I blame Stephen A. Smith and his repeated annunciating of Slava’s name for America’s dislike of his guy.  After this interview, I definitely have a special place in my heart for the well spoken Ukrainian.

Borat?

Darko Milicic – I blame only Joe Dumars for America’s bad feelings toward this guy.  Do you think he wanted to be drafted #2, ahead of D. Wade, Carmelo and Chris Bosh? Well…maybe he did, because he got a boatload of money.  In any event, he was doomed to be disliked by every basketball fan in Detroit, and every other city in which he played.

(NSFW) – I’m not sure this is exactly what he said, but I guess I can imagine him saying it:

Take this Dikembe and T-Mac:

Sometimes these guys do use our hate against us, but only very rarely.

The Angry T

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There isn’t a single person on the field that actually knows whats going on in this situation, including the referee:

I assume that someone was offside on the free kick and then the ref placed the ball and the orange team ran down and scored.  While that seems to be the case, the ref makes no indication or signal that this is actually the case.  I enjoy the fact that the ref gets run off the field.  I have no doubt he was mercilessly beaten following the game, which doesn’t make me as happy as the run-off, but it still makes me smile.

The Angry T

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Nives Celzijus is the girlfriend of Bundesliga Karlsruher SC defender Dino Drpic and one of her aspirations, whether she knows it or not, is to become the new Ana Benson.

She and Dino’s “play” on the pitch led to his dismissal from his Croation team. You may remember that Ana Benson wanted to have sex with her husband Kris in each major league stadium he pitches.
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A while back, we did a post on the best sports video games for your childhood.  I think it’s time to expand on that post with a bunch of games that I missed. For your viewing pleasure, here is a re-cap of that post:

10. Blades of Steel – Nintendo

9. RBI Baseball – Nintendo – Nothing better than pitching with a pre-drug Dwight Gooden. Later versions of the game included an option to “pitch high”, which resulted in Dwight throwing 137 mph fastballs.

8. Bill Walsh College Football – SEGA – This game was made in a time where video games couldn’t shell out the big bucks for in game announcers, hence, Ron Barr does the play by play and the color on this game. Don’t worry about Ron though, he was paid in Toys R’ Us Jeffrey Bucks and those five dollar coupon Mcdonalds coupon books.

(Yes that’s Bo)

7. NHL 95 – SEGA – How awesome is the guy who records the top 10 plays from their season of NHL 95? I will let you decide after you watch the video below:

6. Joe Montana Sports Talk Football – SEGA – I rode the sweet feet of Randall Cunningham and the magic of the bootleg to three straight SuperBowl championships.

5. Double Dribble – Nintendo

4. Jordan Vs. Bird – NES – This game influenced scores of white kids to work on their mid-range game rather than their dunks. If this game would have been named Tom Chambers vs. Jordan, I would be throwing down nasty stuff on the playground rather than making a living hitting 12 foot jumpers.

3. California Games – NES – What pot-smoking California hippie could have possibly thought that this would be an entertaining and exciting game? I don’t know, but I want to meet him and shake his hand and buy with a twenty sack. If you can name another game where you can do mildly entertaining real life activities like hackysack and throw a Frisbee, I will take this off my list. Until then it remains at #3.

2. Mike Tyson Punch Out – Nintendo – It is all about the pink jumpsuit.

1. Tecmo SuperBowl – Nintendo – This was a no-brainer for me. I always played with the Lions, even though they were terrible (eerily similar to real life). I wasn’t nearly as good as these guys below however, which makes me feel inadequate. (More inadequate I should say)

While these are certainly some solid games, I missed a bunch of great ones, which pissed me off so much that I am going to try to make it up for you below:

15. DuckHunt – NES - That dog is still an asshole.

Look what happens after you beat all 99 levels:

I’ve wanted to do this for years:

14. Skate or Die – NES

13. WWF Wrestlemania – NES - I would love to beat the hell out of the Honky Tonk Man right now, I don’t even care if he’s 70, or even still alive.

12. Basewars – NES – At the time this game was created we believed that robots would soon be doing all of our manual labor, along with satisfying our partners sexually. This game was the natural, mildly entertaining end result of that kind of thinking.

11. Super-Spike Volleyball – NES

10. Evander Holyfield: Real Deal Boxing

9. Town & Country Surfing – NES – I don’t why the gorilla is surfing.  I don’t know how they taught the gorilla to surf in the first place.  I do know that I love this game.

8. Super Wrestle Mania – SNES – I would also like to beat the hell out of Earthquake, but I’m fairly sure he is actually deceased.

7. World Cup – NES – This game stoked the fires of American passion for the game of soccer.  Without this game I would have never have developed a casual interest for soccer that causes me to watch it at least two times every year in non-World Cup years.

6. PGA Tour Golf II – Sega Genesis – Craig Stadler could only look this good in plaid golf pants in the digital world.

5. NBA Jam TE – SNES

4. Arch RIvals – NES – The graphics were shitty, the concept was sort of weird, but I will buy and love absolutely anything sponsored by British Knights.

3. Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball – SNES

2. Ice Hockey – NES – I simply loved this game, probably because of it’s simplicity.  There were no actual players, only a fat guy, a guy that wasn’t as fat as the fat guy and a skinny guy.  You had to get by on your guts and guile and I had neither so I was terrible at this game, but I loved it all the same.

1. NES Track & Field – I’m not sure there was a game that there was ever a game that offered as much in terms of game play as Track & Field.  Combine the game play with the running pad and you have a pure Nintendo bliss.

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Because there isn’t enough garbage on television, VH1 has decided to give Terrell Owens a reality show. Since the show’s name has not yet been divulged, the innovators in TheAngryT offices have decided to send our ideas over to VH1.  The above article is also fairly ambiguous as to what the show will actually be about outside of saying that his managers will try to help him re-examine his personal life, so we’ll also try to give some direction to the show.

9. Pimp My Wide Receiver - This show would take the literal definition of “pimp” and would force contestants to prostitute Terrell Owens for their own betterment.  There would be no real winner or loser in this show, but the contestants would get to get any money they make and Owens would get to keep each and every STDs he collects up to and including syphilis.  This might also force him to re-examine his personal life, but most likely he would examine and re-examine his genitals.

8. The Pills - TO, while re-examining his personal life, would re-examine his medicine cabinet to help viewers recognize that you can have very serious allergic reactions to ingesting copious amounts of painkillers.

7.  The Biggest Loser – TO will compete against other douches like Sean Avery, anyone on The Real World,  and Mystery, from The Pick-Up Artist.  Hanging around with these clowns will force him to re-examine his personal life, which will force him to be the show’s overall biggest loser.

6. Terry and the Hendersons – TO replaces BigFoot on this classic show and undoubtedly, hilarity ensues.  Just like Harry, TO’s curious nature leaves the home in a constant state of disrepair as the family struggles to keep TO’s existence a secret.  Both of these activities give all parties involved ample opportunity to re-examine their personal lives.  The Henderson’s eventually go Old Yeller on TO when he refuses to stop showing his abs to everyone, at every possible oppurtunity, all the time.
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