Written by aeneas07 | Visited 1291 times, 41 so far today |
I know most of this blog’s readers are drunk drivers, so I am going to give you this pro tip to help you avoid potential imprisonment:
DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, PULL INTO A DRIVEWAY TO AVOID A DUI, UNLESS YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT SAID DRIVEWAY IS NOT THE DRIVEWAY OF THE COP THAT’S FOLLOWING YOU
God bless the effort Takesgun, which is am pretty sure is a made up name. Next time, in the face of law enforcement, I’d go with something like Hugskitten or Charitygiver.
At least he went with the story for a bit:
Officer: Sir, what are you doing?
TG: I live here
Officer: Are you sure?
TG: Well bro, I’m pretty sure I know where I live, it’s not like I’m drunk or anything. (burp)
Officer: Actually sir, I live here.
At this point, TG can go one of two directions, continue with the lie, or just give up and throw himself on the mercy of the court. I really hope this played out for another two or three minutes and TG tried to explain that he actually lived there and the cop was drunk. I wish the situation ended with a field sobriety test, administered by TG, which ended in the cop being hauled off the jail. In reality, TG probably just feel asleep mid-conversation and woke up on a hard concrete jail bed trying to keep himself warm with a roll of toilet paper.
On another note, if this whole situation doesn’t end up in the next Seth Rogen movie, then that guy is really slipping.
In honor of inevitable Ninja vs. Pirate faceoffs, let’s take a look at just how awesome Ninjas fighting Pirates can be.
Haru – Beverley Hills Ninja vs. The Dread Pirate Roberts – The Princess Bride
Tale of the Tape
Haru – 5′8″ 340 pounds of jungle cat
Roberts – 6′ 180 pounds of princess humping machine
The Verdict: Despite his overwhelming physical presence, Haru is no match for the Dread Pirate Roberts. Roberts uses his brains, brawn, and English accent to overcome Haru’s girth. I’m also sure that if the actor playing the character is dead, the character is also dead, which would swing the pendulum in Robert’s favor. It’s sort of like a matrix/real life kind of deal. Watch that first matrix if you are confused.
Score: Pirates 1, Ninja 0
Tum Tum – Three Ninjas vs. Rufio – Hook
Tale of the Tape
Tum Tum – 3′6″ 65 pounds of ass kicker
Rufio - 5′5″ 120 pounds of skunkhead, with two much mousse: (Although Rufio is not actually a pirate, he looks enough like one to fight Tum Tum)
The Verdict: While Rufio has the height, weight and maturity advantage, Tum Tum loves licorice and beating the hell out of burglars. Tum Tum whoops Rufio and cuts his hair into a brush cut.
The Score: Pirates 1, Ninjas 1
Huo Juanjia (Jet Li) – Fearless vs. Johnny Depp – The Pirates of the Caribbean
Tale of the Tape:
Huo Juanjia – 5′6″ 135 pounds of big screen Ninja
Jack Sparrow – 5′10″ 170 pounds of smelly ass pirate
The Verdict: The obvious choice here is Jet Li, but I think if Jack sparrow can distract him long enough with a show tune from that devil barber movie, he might be able work in a couple sword thrusts and come home with a victory. Unfortunately, Jet Li would just spawn one of hundreds of versions of himself from the movie, “The One,” and karate kick the shit out of Sparrow.
Score: Pirates 1, Ninjas 2
Ninja Gaiden – Ninja Gaiden vs. Steve the Pirate – Dodgeball
Tale of the Tape
Ninja Gaiden - Approximately 6′1″ 205 pounds of digital jackhammer
Steve the Pirate - 6′0″ 190 pounds of delusional regular person dressed as a pirate
The Verdict: Even though he exists only in the digital world, Ninja Gaiden has a sword and 3-99 lives, depending on how many extras you can find during the game.
Written by aeneas07 | Visited 909 times, 25 so far today |
As much as they make this commercial out to be a joke, I fairly sure that none of the golfers in this commercial are happy to see Tiger strolling through the locker room:
After reading that article, I decided to check on the play of the nation’s top recruits and rather than simply bore you with stats, I’m going to compare them to lovely Swimsuit Issue models. Make sure you check out the SI galleries associated with each model for more fantastic picture that I did not include in this post.
Let’s run down the Rivals Top 10 and see how the top recruits are performing:
Written by aeneas07 | Visited 906 times, 26 so far today |
After I go to the Kentucky Derby, the SuperBowl and the World Series, I am heading straight fo Carnival. These pictures below make it look like the most ridiculous, elaborate party I have ever seen:
