I am sure all the hardcore 90’s girl group fans out there have already heard, but Ace of Base plans to release another album and go on tour. Like 90 percent of you out there, I can still sing most of I Saw the Sign and all All That She Wants when it comes on the radio, even if it forces me to question whether I actually like chicks. Unfortunately for me, Ace of Base was not the only shitty band that I listened to growing up. Let’s break down the Top 15 garbage bands that captivated my, and hopefully your, musical heart:
(Thanks to THE Chris Atto for his help on this article)
50. Faith Hill – This Kiss
49. Dream – He Loves You Not
48. Destiny’s Child – Survivor -
47. Carrie Underwood – Before He Cheats
46. Wilson Phillips – Hold On - I know if I looked that bad in tight early 90’s jeans, I would have gotten gastric bypass surgery as well. I feel you Torry.
45. Amy Grant – Baby Baby
44. Toni Braxton – Unbreak my Heart - If there is anything better than a shower scene with Tyson Beckford, I don’t know what it is.
43. SWV (Sistas with Voices) – Weak – Remember 8th grade? I do.
42. TLC - No Scrubs - I think you will find very few scrubs on this list
41. Craig David - Fill Me In
39. Soul Decision – Faded
38. NSYNC - Bye Bye Bye – I can officially say, bye to my heterosexuality.
37. Britney Spears – Baby One More Time – Every 20 something male probably remembers where they were when they first saw this one. I definitely remember I was pantless, alone in my room at the time.
36. Mariah Carey - Always be My Baby - If I am ever involved in a talent show, this will be the song that I bust out, and I can hit those highs as well.
35. Avril Lavigne – Happy Ending - Answer: What I am going to need after writing this list to feel heterosexual again.
34. 98 Degrees - You have to respect Lachey if for nothing else than getting with Jessica Simpson. I Do cherish Nick Lachey.
33. Mandy Moore – Candy
32. Cyndi Lauper – Time After Time
31. Nelly Furtado – Promiscuous Girl
30. Michelle Branch - Everywhere - There are worse songs everywhere you look on this list, but I can’t stop singing any of them.
29. Alanis Morisette – Ironic
28. Aqua – Barbie Girl – I think the fantastic video more than makes up for below average song.
27. Hoku - Perfect Day - It’s even worse that this song is in Legally Blonde.
26. Natasha Bedinngfield - Unwritten – If I want to keep the friends that know I write this website, I should have left the 26th spot unwritten.
25. 98 Degrees - If you don’t samba when you hear this song you don’t have pulse.
24. Miley Cyrus – See You Again brings only two words to my mind. Musical. Genius.
23. Vitamin C – CONGRATS CLASS OF 08!!!!!!:):)
22. Paula Cole – I Don’t Want to Wait – Is it just me on this one? Okay…
21. Sarah McLachlan – You thank the song above for making me remember how much I love this song.
20. Lee Ann Womack - I Hope You Dance
19. Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On
18. Madonna - If it is good enough for Bullet Tooth Tony in Snatch, Lucky Star is definitely good enough for you and me.
17. Cher – Believe - Great track…if no one is around to judge the hell out of you for listening to it.
16. Kelly Clarkson – Since You’ve Been Gone
15. Vanessa Carlton – White Houses
14. Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl - I have no defense for enjoying this song.
13. Christina Aguilera - Genie in a Bottle
12. NSYNC – Love me some Pop. I start break dancing almost every time I hear this song, regardless of situation.
11. Backstreet Boys – I didn’t like all of there songs (only 93 percent), but Shape of my Heart, despite how big of a pussy it makes me sound like, is a classic.
10. Spice Girls – Yeah fine, the chicks in the band were attractive, but that’s no excuse for me, or you, to know every word of Wannabe:
9. O – Town – Liquid Dreams? Not only was this bad the subject of a shitty TV show, they also released a song about wet dreams. So why do I know any of their terrible, terrible songs. Like this one:
8. Westlife – I keyed up Swear it Again, and I actually started singing. I had to sprint away and look at some porn just to hold onto the shread of heterosexuality that I still claim to have.
7. Sum 41 – It is shocking how bad these guys were, yet, I do all 95 percent of the words to this song:
How much do these guys remind you of the “EXTREME” guys from Harold & Kumar?
6. Chumbawamba – Tubthumping - This might be the worst song ever written, but I’ll be god damned if it isn’t catchy”
5. Creed – Higher - This song took me to a higher level of douchebagedness:
4. Limp Bizkit – Break Stuff - This Durst character’s only redeeming quality is that he may have had sex with Britney Spears when she was hot.
3. Billy Gilman – One Voice- I am not ashamed to like Billy or sing this song. Billy is an artist in the truest form of the word.
2. LFO - I have no defense for being able to proficiently sing the song below.
1. Hanson – MmmBop – Nothing to say here, only shame.
Let me know if I missed anything.
The Angry T
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