In Honor of Zack and Miri, 8 Sports Pornos You Wouldn’t Want to See

Zack and Miri Make a Porno debuted this week, and despite going head to head with High School Musical, posted pretty solid numbers. In honor of Seth Rogen, and porn, we take a look at some pornos involving athletes that would burn the retinas of anyone forced to watch them. We took the titles from movies in theaters right now to keep it somewhat relevant

8. S. (W) – Piggybacking on the hype surrounding W., this films director’s coaxed another maligned leader, Bud Selig into baring it all on the silver screen.  The results, as you might imagine, were magical.

7. Sexual Assault 3: Class 2 Felony (High School Musical 3: Senior Year) Chiefs running back Larry Johnson uses 90 minutes to apologize to fans for his actions while reaching up girls skirts and bar patrons in the back of the head.

6. Saw 6: Miami Heat Edition (Saw V) - Heat star Dwyane Wade is forced to decide whether to kill himself or have sex with Starr Jones.  He decides to preserve his life and have sex with Starr but then is forced to kill himself after he can’t block out the horrible things that he saw because of that act.

5. Beverly Hills Serbian (Beverly Hills Chihuahua) - Vladdy is forced to moonlight as a gigolo after spending all his money on hair gel and very tight jeans.  He services the ladies of Beverly Hills for around 24.3 minutes while shooting around 50 percent from behind the arch.

4.  Max Pain (Max Payne) - Starring Shaun Rogers and Mary Kate and Ashley Olson.  The title pretty much says all you need to know.

3. The Secret Life of Ed Hochuli (The Secret Life of Bees) – This is the frightening story of Ed Hochuli and his secret life as a dominatrix.  His job as a referee where he penalizes the “naughty” football players and gets to where really tight shirts is a perfect cover.

2. Pole Models (Role Models) – “Pole Models” is the story of Charles Barkley’s foray into the high stakes and sexy world of international underwear modeling.

1. Eagle Diack (Eagle Eye) – This one really isn’t a movie in the traditional sense, it’s simply 120 minutes of the Philadelphia Eagles shower footage shot at waist level.

Please follow my lead in praying that these movies never get produced, except The Secret Life of Ed Hochuli of course.

The Angry T

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