Officially The Worst Way to Find the Car You Left on the Street 30 Minutes Ago

Pictures this: You park your car on a local throughfare, throw a couple coins in the meter and walk down the block to meet a friend at your favorite eatery.  You enjoy a lovely Cobb salad and indulge your friend in sparkling conversation about the current state of unrest in Greece, terrorism in Mumbai, and whether, under the right circumstances, Ellen Degeneres would ever have sex with a heterosexual man. (I say yes)

With lunch complete, you return to you car, expecting to find it in one piece, with the windshield attached to the car.  Well, fate’s cruel hand has decided to deal a hot steaming pile of “F You” to you and your Honda Civic, and it looks something like this:

Boy would that be awful huh? Your windshield was shattered by an unidentified object.  But wait, what is the red substance on the hood of the car?

Oh boy, that looks like blood. There seems to be a note, let’s read it:

(For a better look at the note, click here, you can zoom in if you click on the picture)

(If that note is too small to read, I’ll paraphrase: “Dude, some guy jumped off the building, landed on your car and bleed a lot because he went through the windshield.  Also, that guy had AIDS. Good Luck.”

Yes, you read that correctly, the car was damaged when someone with AIDS, fell from the building next to the car, through the window of the car.

WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU DO WITH THIS CAR!!

I understand that you can’t get AIDS by doing things like drinking from the same drinking fountain as a person with AIDS, or hugging a person with AIDS, but I still would be pretty concerned if a man with AIDS fell through my hood from four stories up and bleed all over my car.

The way I see it, you have three options:

1. Burn the car.  Get the insurance money.

2. Have another friend with AIDS steal the car. Get the insurance money.

3.Continue to drive the car, but wear one of the suits from Outbreak whenever you do.

Tough choice.  I’ll leave it to the dude with the AIDS Mobile to make the decision.

The Angry T

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