Mike Penner declares Transexuality, LA Times, rest of World, Unimpressed

Mike Penner has made my life easier.  Now that I know that you can announce to the world that you are a transsexual sportswriter, I have an announcement to make.  I am a straight male.  There I said it, it is out there for the entire world to read and digest. 

Now that I reread that last paragraph, it seems completely ridiculous.  Why do I need to profess my sexuality to you?  Do you care? Do you care what I look like or whether I wear high cut panties out of the Sears women’s wear catalogue?  Of course you don’t and that why you don’t care about Mike Penner.

Whether you care or not, this is some funny shit.  LA Times readers should no longer look for Mike Penner’s column when they want hard-hitting sports journalism.  Mike will now assume the name Christine Daniels, which is pretty interesting because I would have expected his first name to change to Michelle. It seems kind of unfair that transsexuals get to change their boring names to cool names just because they choose to live as both a dude and a chick. 

“Good to meet you, I’m Mike Penner.”  NEEEERRRRDDDD.  Go back down to your basement and roll your 8-sided die, you dungeons and dragons geek.  “Nice to meet you, I am Christine Daniels.”  Well, how do you do Christine?  That is a powerful sexy sounding porn name.  Take away the broad shoulders and the ball sack and I might date you.  Kudos for the name change, but at the same time, I think its bullshit that you can legally make a name upgrade like this.  In my America, blind people can’t get new eyes and transsexuals don’t get to change their names to anything but the female version of their current name.  You play the hand you are dealt Tranny, and that’s that.

Now before you lump praise on Mike Penner for telling the world that he is in fact a vagina-carrying chick, you should know that it has already been done.  John Amaechi, your favorite out-of-the-closet former NBA player has beat you to the punch:

"It’s incredibly bold and far more courageous than anything I could have done," said Amaechi, who spent five seasons in the NBA. "I commend him."

Penner is a true-trailblazer.  Like a transsexual Davey Crockett, he has laid the foundation for the hundreds of other transsexuals in sports to write newspaper articles announcing that they are chicks, and not the dudes that they appear to be. 

Richard Jefferson has also taken a stand on this issue and has decided to honor Penner in a unique way.  He has petitioned the league so that he can wear a padded bra and high heels for the rest of the playoffs.  Other players will surely follow suit, although not everyone is excited about this proposition.  Tim Hardaway was quoted as saying that he dislikes transsexuals almost as much as gays, but since “some of them got titties,” he is slightly more tolerant of their actions.  Torii Hunter has also spoken out saying that some of the players who will wear the high heels don’t even know what they are wearing them for, saying, “it is almost a slap in the face to Mike, having people who know nothing about his struggle, dressing up like half-dudes-half-chicks, it’s disgraceful.” 

It is coincidental that so soon after Major League Baseball honored Jackie Robinson, a new, brave face has stepped to the forefront and opened the door for an underrepresented group in sports.  Thank you Mik—er, Christine, you have done your country, sports writing, and all dudes who are “wired female” and yearn to wear hot pants without being looked down upon, a great service.  

The Angry T

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