Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis and Hustler creator Larry Flynt as spearheading the effort to help the porn industry negotiate the recession. I really don’t care if Ron Jeremy was heading up the charge, porn is way to valuable a service to let go by the wayside.
What percent of domestic disputes never happen because one or both parties let cooler heads prevail and watch porn to calm down? (Experts estimate around 60%) Do you know who many potential World War’s have been stopped because world leaders have exchanged some good girl-on-girl video? (I estimate around 30)
We’ve decided to put together a mix-tape for Congress, courtesy of youtube, that expresses the nation’s desire, nay, need for porn industry’s continuation as a viable entity:
13. Next – Too Close- There has to be some younger Senator / Club Rats that understand what this song is talking about. Sometimes you get “too close,” get shut down and fall back on Larry Flynt / Girls Gone Wild type content.
12. Val Venis Theme Music – This song is pure sex, just like porn, it’s a slippery slope to stifle pure sexuality like this.
11. Let’s Get in On – Marvin Gaye – Come on Senator, you remember the night. Your soon to be wife gave you the green light for four minutes of fun. You flipped on Marvin, had a great time and are still waiting, 24 years later, for a similar invitation. Remember the love, keep the porn.
10. Double Up – R. Kelly – Not much needs to be said here. Everybody enjoys this particular scene, but R. enjoys it in a very special way. Don’t deprive the American public of this type of action.
9. What’s Your Fantasy? – Ludacris – I wouldn’t even know what my fantasy would be without the helpful, guiding hands of pornography. Do you want to steal my fantasies Congress?
8. I Touch Myself – Divinyls - I don’t know what I’m going to with those extra eight minutes of my life if porn goes away. Don’t take away my happy time Barney Frank.
7. Bell Biv Devoe – Do Me - I’d be willing to participate in some of the explicit lyrics in this song with Speaker of the house Nancy Pelosi to save porn.
6. Mony Mony – Ride the Pony – Like, Let’s Get in On, include this song simply because this song might have been popular when these squares in Congress were young. Let me ride that pony.
5. Ginuwine – Pony – I’m not into the whole animal scene, but to each their own. First amendment and what not.
4. Vanity 6 – Nasty Girl - The whole reason people watch this stuff is to find nasty girls. We fought for the freedom to look for those types of chicks.
4a. Vanity 6 – Wet Dream – This were some horny chicks. Keeping porn in business will prevent the phenomenon listed in the title from happening.
3. Bubba Sparxxx – Ms. New Booty – Another virtue of porn is that you can meet a Ms. New Booty each and every night. Don’t rob of those beautiful encounters Congress.
2. Bump and Grind – R. Kelly -
1. Dave Chapelle – Piss on Me - Again, it’s not like I’m into this stuff (wink wink), but we have a 6th Amendment (maybe) to honor the sanctity of porn.
I think it’s fairly obvious what has to be done here. I willing to drive the giant check from Washington to the San Fernando Valley right now if necessary. Senator Dodd, you just say the word. Also, I have that MMF dvd that you lent me a few weeks back, just let me know when you need it back.
The Angry T
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