Athletes That You Wouldn’t Want Participating in this Year’s American Idol, and Some that You Would

American Idol’s seventh season kicks off tonight, and though I have never watched the show, I feel that I need to weigh in on it.

Since this purports to be a sports website, let’s take a look at some athletes that we don’t want to see on American Idol and some athletes that we would love to see singing in the minimum amount of clothing possible.

The known quantities - We are all aware that these men and women have no business singing or dancing in any capacity:

Former WWE Wrestler Koko B. Ware:

Deion Sanders – Must be the Money:

Juan Pierre Freestyle after the Marlins’ Championship:

(Definitely NSFW) 2005 Miami Football Team’s 7th Floor Crew

1988 Florida State Seminoles – Deion Sanders has ruined 40 percent of the songs on this list so far

Allen Iverson – Again, NSFW, but not just because of the lyrics, but also because this is an awful attempt at music.

Troy Hudson feat. Ray J. – True Love – Yeah, it’s that Troy Hudson. This is a terrible song, but the song cannot compare to this music video.  Apparently, the jokers in this video thought it was a fantastic song and they decided to “recreate” it using the cars and women at their disposal. Hilarity inevitably ensues:

Gary Payton – Livin’ Legal and Large – This might be the worst of a bunch. Maybe not…there’s one more below that you undoubtedly know:

Carl Lewis - I can’t watch either of this videos without almost crying:

The Unknowns – They just may have what it takes to be on American Idol

Guy LaFluer – The old Montreal Canadian actually put out an album in 1979.  It’s sort of like an instructional hockey tape set to disco music.  There is no good way to describe it, but if his singing voice is half as melodic as his speaking voice, he should be fine. This video explains what’s happening here better than I can.

Muhammad Ali takes on Tooth Decay - I hear this two sided album is a treat for the music lover young or old.  Frank Sinatra makes an appearance on the album and Howard Cosell narrates the entire thing.  The only reason Ali would be an “unknown” at this point is with his advanced age and medical condition. I don’t think he would be able to handle the rigors of touring.  Willie Nelson he is not.

Tony Parker – Premiere Love - This could be the greatest piece of music ever written, but I have no clue what the hell he is saying, which lands Tony in the “maybe” category.

Athletes with American Idol Potential – This category can be redefined as “Hot Chicks that I Hope Can Sing.”

Bia and Franca Feres - Can you imagine how successful these two could be if they could sing (in English)? Two scantily clad, hot twins on stage singing and dancing? How could they miss? In any event, they would at least outsell Taylor Hicks. If they make out once, the only thing would be over.

Anna Rawson – Professional Golfer / Model – What do the words “Triple Threat,” mean to you? If this chick added singer to her resume, she could pretty much rule the world. I’d vote for her as Overlord.

Torah Bright – Everyone likes a snowbunny.  Except me of course, because I love a snowbunny.  My only concern is that because she is a Mormon, she won’t be able to participate in the dancing portion of the being an idol.  I am encouraged by the work of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, who sing like canaries.  She may just have these genes floating somewhere inside of her.

and finally (I apologize from straying from the purpose of this section):

I know what you’re thinking, Shaq is already on this list. You need to take a closer look at the video below and see if you can’t pick out the real talent. He has the dancing chops and he just may have the singing chops to take a run at this thing.

I think it’s fairly obvious who would be the most talented athlete participant in Idol. His arms move independent of his body and his hustle, determination, work ethic and coachability are off the charts.  Mark Madsen is one of two (Guy LaFluer) people on this list who can rival past champs like Clay Aiken, and Taylor Hicks in album sales.  Even Simon would be doubled over in joy at the sight and sound of this guy’s talent.

The Angry T

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