What is a commode with legs and what does it have to do with former Merrill Lynch CEO John Thain? Well, its just that John, in the midst of laying off workers and slashing costs at Merrill used $1.2 million dollars to decorate his office. $35,000 of that $1.2 million was used to purchase a commode with legs, which looks something like this, although I imagine a $35,000 version is a bit more regal:
He also spent $87,000 on an area rug, but I’m more here to discuss the toilet. If I had $1.2 million to play with, I would have gone with a toilet that cost at least half of that, or more. He will have a bunch of time shop for toilets, since Bank of America let him go this morning.
Here’s John Thain, after looking at this guy for five seconds, is there any doubt he’s a douche:
He also looks like he’s made of plastic
We have scoured the online marketplace to check out some other types of toilets that John:
The Solid Gold Toilet - Yes John, this toilet is made out of solid gold. It will go perfectly with your diamond shoes and dumps that smell like crisp $100 bills. The best news is that with gold currently priced at around $850/oz, this toilet would cost around $27 dollars, or about the GDP of Sri Lanka.
NASA’s Space Toilet – John, anyone can make a toilet out of gold, but very few people have a toilet fashioned by Russian Cosmonauts, with a price tag of $19 million. Also, if we decide to kick you off the planet, which I believe is punishment for fashioning a $1.2 million dollar bathroom on the company dime, you could use this toilet to poop in space.
Moon River Art Toilet – This one might be perfect for you John, it’s a toilet carved out of a mountain at a cost of $602,000 American dollars. You could even buy the mountain and pee on the entire thing if you want.
Here is the sign for the men’s room:
(I believe those are balls)
Jackson Pollock No.5 1948 - Now here me out on this one John, I know this is actually a painting, and a $140 million dollar one at that. However, with your penchant for expensive things, I figured that you would want to the first person to take a dump on a Jackson Pollock. Think about it.
The United States Constitution - I figured that since you decorated your $1.2 million dollar office while you were cutting costs and laying people off at Merrill Lynch, you might want to slap the entire United States of America in the face. What better way to insult the American populace to peeing on the Constitution?
The Angry T
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I saw something about how his personal driver was making $250,000. More than the vice president and the chief justice of the supreme court…
Would that be the greatest job in the world by the way? Personal driver making $230,000? Unless something in porn pays that much, I think the personal driver job might have it.
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