Mike Tyson Strikes Again

Mike Tyson flat out refuses to go away/die/stop getting hit in the face. On some levels it is sad, others hilarious, but even Tyson had this to say about his comeback, "I think I’m useless to society. I don’t think I’m worthy of the people who come out to see me, but they do." Couldn’t have said it better myself Mike. But I seriously feel for this guy. Think about his life, child prodigy with the whole world at his feet. No one ever told him no and he had 2 million people in his ear telling him that he was the greatest ever. You see this all the time with up and comers and he was ripe for failure before he even had a chance to succeed on his own. Don King, his promoter, who also happens to be a convicted murderer (read for yourself, its pretty interesting, also check wikipedia. http://www.sportslawnews.com/archive/history/DonKingHistory.htm) took a large chunk of money from the dim-witted Tyson in his hey-day. King, the man advising Tyson, had about as much compassion for Tyson as he did for the large number of other fighters he grifted money from (also on wikipedia). The gist of it is that Tyson was not a very smart man, but he was pretty good at beating the shit out of goofy-looking white dudes. (See Peter McNeely). Because of the former and myriad emotional and psychological problems which he never really received help for, Tyson is now broke. The Mike Tyson World Tour will commence later this year in the beautiful borough of Youngstown, Ohio. I was hoping that he would fight Youngstown native Maurice Clarett for the title of most colossal failure, (with Ryan Leaf as guest referee) but it seems that he will square off against his former sparring partner. Memo to those people who are entertaining thoughts about buying this pay-per-view, please refer to the Mike Tyson quote above. At this point in his career, Mike Tyson wouldn’t even by a Mike Tyson pay-per-view. So take the money that you would have spent and send it to me. I am currently putting together a fund for Charlie Weis. The money collected will be used to remove his head and place it on a less revolting/disgusting/Jabba-the-Hut-like/Marshmallow-man-from-Ghostbusters-like body. I figure if the media is going to force Weis and the Irish down our throat I better make the best of it and get Weis a hot body. Maybe some double D’s for ol’ Charlie would spice things up. And I’m not talking about the probably hairy, sagging man-breasts that he is currently sporting. (Irish insider news reports he is currently wearing a custom Frank Costanza "Bro, but I digress). Mike Tyson is a sad, sad case. I just want the man not to be so depressed anymore. Or at the very least I want him to get a face tattoo that leaves him prepetually smiling. Yeah, that will do.

The Angry T

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