If you’ve read a newspaper in the last six months you know out economy is in the toilet. Everyone you know is jobless. Your streets, hospitals and other public services are falling into disrepair, packs of dogs roam the streets, but Golden State Warriors are still willing to charge you $4.50 for a hot dog at Oracle Arena in Oakland.
With the American way of life in serious economic jeopardy, let’s look at the worst buys in sports and leisure:
Charlotte Bobcats vs. Washington Wizards – 2 tickets – Row AAA – $885 each – $1770 dollars
A March 27, 2009 tilt between two eastern conference powers with a combined record 31-72 will set you back nearly $2000 dollars. Seems reasonable, as long as I get to see some Big Cat on Caron Butler action.
Authentic Signed Alex Rodriguez Rangers Jersey – $499
For shame Alex, for shame
Detroit Lions 2009 Wall Calendar – $16.99
Besides having former Lion Roy Williams on the cover of the 2009 team calendar, I think this would make a wonderful gift for any of the four Detroit Lions fans remaining.
Shawn Alexander or Vince Young FatHead – $19.99
I understand that these items are on sale, but I’m not sure bumping down the price 80 percent is going to move this product.
Two college courses at UCLA for Troy Aikman – Approximately $8,000
Thank god Troy got his degree in Sociology. Know he can get a job as a high school guidance counselor and quit his multi-million dollar job as an analyst. Does anyone else find it ironic that Troy aced the class on aging? Why don’t you give a him a course on concussions? Nice blowoff classes UCLA.
License to Shoot BigHorn Sheep in Montana – $245,000
Now, I want nothing more than to kill the son of a bitch below, but a quarter of a million dollars seems like a bit much to make that dream a reality.
Jesus look at those eyes. Maybe it’s worth it after all to wipe this evil piece of shit off the face of the earth.
A Kimodo Dragon – $30,000 – What male animal enthusiast wouldn’t want want a nine-foot lizard that can eat 80% of his body weight in one sitting? Throw the little bastard below in a bath tub, hose him down every three or four hours and you have a pet that each and every one of your friends would be envious of, until it inevitably devours you four days later. And if it does, $30,000 is way too much money to pay to get eaten by a giant lizard.
6 Foot Statue of Bruce Lee – $999
Okay fine, this might actually be a good buy, even though it isn’t exactly life size. I’d definitely put it in my bedroom and scare the shit out of every visitor that enters. Maannn, that one chick I brought to my house four years ago would have been so frightened.
Brian Cardinal – $6.3 Million per year - To own your very own Brian Cardinal, you are looking at a $120,000 tab per week. You can expect him to score around 1.7 per game and grab 1.3 rebounds per game and give you an unmistakable whiteness that your team may lack. Even with those unbelievable attributes in mind, 6.3 mil in this economy seems a little high.
Furry Hat and Furry Jockstrap Outfit -Approximately $250
Listen, I want to drape myself in the skin of animals as much as the next guy. But I can’t in good conscience strap that dead coyote to my head when I have to pay $200 for it. (Plus S & H)
The Angry T
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Your spelling is terrible. Mocking college classes, yet misspelling Now in the opening sentence. Great job!
you get a wildly unsuccessful sports blog joe, then we’ll talk.
Yeah, your spelling is as bad as your ego is big.
Watch. Try this. Say it with me.
“Oops. Yep. I misspelled ‘know’. Thank for pointing that out Joe and thanks for reading”. Was that so hard?
Bill Simmons did this exact thing months ago, and it was obviously a lot better
[...] The Worst Sports Buys in America (The Angry T) [...]
“Now, I want nothing more than to kill the son of a bitch below…..”
Hahahahaha. Nice.
Funny! Good work my friend. You got great voice, even if the spelling is lacking. I laughed!
This list was so bad that everyone is noticing how horrible you are at spelling. Nice job, you suck
The manner in which you write…..R U American?
wait, bill simmons gets paid right? its shocking that you think that some uneducated dude, like me, should give you wonderful prose. Maybe I forgot the last time you paid me for writing. Oh that’s right, you pay 29.99 a month for 95 percent porn, 5 percent sports blog. I apologize that that I dont get everything right so sticky fingered bastards like yourself can read an article without any grammatical errors.
Go back to jerking it, Ill do the same and we’ll all enjoy ourselves.
[...] Worst sports buys in America – The Angry T [...]
No, my point was you just stole an idea from someone else, and your version was not funny or clever at all. Your spelling and grammar is poor, but that is not why this blogs sucks. It sucks because you are not funny at all, and your writing comes off as someone desperately trying to be clever. Also, people actually pay you?
I find it hard to believe that you found the entirety of this article un-funny. You had to find at least one of the jokes funny enough to at least giggle. I understand I didn’t come up with the concept of making light of overpriced things, apparently Bill Simmons did, but I am certain that you smiled at one of the jokes in the above article. Thanks for you reading, which you must be, unless you come back to a blog that you hate everyday simply to write insults to me. I’m sure you are way too important to do that though that. Also, there’s a spelling error in your second sentence. See how easy it is!
[...] The Worst Sports Buys in America (Article) [...]
If you do not like the spelling or the content, find another blog. I am sure there are plenty out there that would meet your needs, whatever they are. Get over it!