Handing Out the Sports Oscars

The Academy Awards are upon us on my only hope is that the wonderful film The Reader, and I say film because it is art in its highest form, walks away with about thirty or forty Oscars.

In lieu of boring you with my Oscar picks, I going to give away a few Oscars of my own, and most of them will involve hot chicks.

Most athletic performance by an actor in a sports movie:

Nelly – The Longest Yard – He must have played at least a little bit of football, because he looks fairly natural running the ball.

Tom Selleck – Mr. Baseball – Magnum PI is also very convincing as a baseball player.  I could actually see him hitting .235:

Jamie Foxx – Any Given Sunday – He keeps the ladies creamin’:

and the winner is…

Jamie Foxx on the strength of that music video and his will for power staying away from the nose candy while being on a set with LT for two months.

Hottest Jail-Bait in a Sports Movie: (To qualify, the nominees had to have been involved in a high school related movie)

The nominees:

Keira Knightley in Bend it Like Beckham:

Nikki Reed – Lords of Dogtown

Ali Larter in Varsity Blues:

and the winner is:

Keira Knightly

I absolutely love that picture of Keira, and most other pictures of hot chicks in sports bras.  She’s your winner.

Worst Athletic Performance by an Actor in a Sports Movie:

Corbin Bernsen – Major League I & II

John Goodman – The Babe – Goodman did get into character by getting fat for the movie, which is wonderful, but that’s where my praise for him in this movie ends.

Rodney Dangerfield – CaddyShack – Quite possibly the worst golf swing in the history of golf, or swings:

and the winner is…

Rodney Dangerfield. Finally, he is receiving the respect he deserves.  Swinging that poorly must have been difficult for him, considering the caliber of athlete that the video below shows Rodney to be.

Least Attractive Woman in a Sports Movie:

Rosie O’ Donnell – A League of Their Own

I don’t think there is any reason to go on, Rosie is your winner.

Best Sports Scene in a Non-Sports Movie:

Rugby Scene – The Departed (Strong Language) – Very little rugby is actually placed in this video, but it’s hilarious none the less.

Old School – Gymnastics Scene

Romeo Must Die – Football Fight Scene

Wedding Crashers – Football Scene (43 second mark)

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest – Basketball Scene

Forrest Gump – Football Scene

and the winner is…

Forrest Gump Football Scene – He runs like Michael Johnson and runs tuba players over like a Cal return man.

And finally, the best picture of the sports Oscars, Hottest Chick in a Sports Movie

Here are the nominees:

Christine Taylor – Dodgeball

Kelly Preston – Jerry McGuire

Kate Bosworth – Blue Crush – Hot chick plus swimsuit plus wet shirt plus surfboard equals arousal.

Leslie Bibb – Talladega Nights

and the winner is…

Leslie Bibb

I actually forgot how attractive Leslie actually was in that movie.  While this is a highly subjective topic, I’m a 100 percent right in my assertion that Leslie is the most attractive woman to ever grace the screen in a sports movie.

The Angry T

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