Tim Finchem Seeks to Curtail Rampant PGA Tour Steroid Use

Thank you Tim Finchem, for finally coming to your senses.  I am sure I am not the only one who noticed that Tim Herron was looking a little bulked up lately. Players that had seen him in the shower has also commented that his testicles were no longer visible, which could be attributed to steroids or the 56 inch waist that could be blocking the view of said testicles. 

In any event, testing for performance enhancing substances on the PGA Tour is long overdue.  He-Men like Corey Pavin and Fred Funk have been turning their back on the games’ integrity for years with their steroid cocktails that allow them to hit the ball well over 250 yards.  Their behavior is reprehensible, and it is about time someone knocked this druggies down a peg.  I have heard stories from guys like Tommy Armour III about Craig Stadler downing glass after glass of beaver tranquilizer.  Jose Canseco even admitted that he injected noted Tour Beefcake Lee Janzen (look at him compared to that normal size man) in the early 90’s. 

Despite those glaring examples of steroid use on tour, Finchem’s Fuqua comes is obviously in direct response to Angel Cabrera’s victory at Oakmont.  Angel “The Duck” Cabrera,  whose nickname is a reference to his superhuman duck-like strength, routinely drove the ball 330+ at Oakmont.  Mark Angel McGwire Carbrera drove the ball 391 yards on 12th hole on Saturday en route to reaching the 667 yard par five in two. Just look at this hulking man beast, he looks like a science experiment for shit’s sake.

I applaud Finchem for his pro-active style. It is something you rarely see in the day and age in sports.  He didn’t wait for the world to view his game as tarnished and his greatest super-star as a cheater to implement a much needed policy.  He didn’t wait for his Defensive Rookie of the Year to test positive for the juice to make a stand.  And he certainly didn’t let a semi-amish dude win his most coveted trophy only to test positive for EPO and electricity.  

I hope Finchem’s pioneer spirit will influence other commissioners to clean up their sport.  Don’t think I missed the fact that Tony Stewart has added a couple inches to his Bi’s or that Pete Weber Jr. can no longer achieve an erection.  Thank you Tim Finchem for saving the ten’s of impressionable children that watch golf.

The Angry T

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