From time to time the Angry T investigative staff comes across information that other people might find useful or humorous.  We get especially excited when that information has anything to do with professional wrestling, and when that information involves Vince McMahon’s fake death, we have to change our shorts.

You may or may not know that Vince McMahon is dead.  Tragically, Vince’s limo exploded last week on the WWE’s Monday Night Raw.  The WWE is currently conducting an investigation into his death, although no law enforcement organizations have offered to lend a hand.  This is where our story begins.  What you are about to read is 100 true, the names have not been changed to protect anyone, including Vince McMahon’s mother, whose name is Vicky.

I am sure the wrestling aficionados out there know that Vince McMahon’s mother, Vicky Askew, lives in the lovely borough of Evansburg, Pennsylvania.  Vince happens to live directly across the street from Evelyn Felix, the grandmother of my good friend Michael Palko.  Evelyn Felix was flipping through the channels on Monday evening and stumbled across Monday Night Raw.  Evelyn is good friends with Vince’s mother and is well aware of his fame the owner of the WWE.  Near the end of the program, Evelyn was shocked to see Vince McMahon step into a limousine and have that limousine promptly explode.  She was shocked, she was appalled and she had to alert her neighbor, Vince McMahon’s mother, Vicky Askew.   Evelyn quickly ran across the street to alert Vince McMahon’s mother that her son was dead.

Evelyn rang the doorbell several times and actually woke up Vince’s mother and her husband.  Evelyn sat them down and explained that Vince McMahon’s limousine exploded, and that he might be dead.  Vince’s mother was absolutely devastated.  Apparently, no one at the WWE had even thought to call her and alert her to the fact that Vince’s limo was going to blow up, and that her son was actually okay.  Vince’s mother called the pastor at their church and he came over early the next morning to console her.  With a heavy heart, the pastor told Vince’s mother that he had done a little research, and it was true, Vince was dead, his limo had exploded.  My friend’s mom, Vince’s McMahon’s mom, and the pastor were absolutely devastated.   I can only imagine what website this pastor checked to confirm this information. Encyclopedia Brown would be proud of that investigative work.   

It was not until later that day that Vince McMahon got around to having someone contact his mother and let her know that he was not in fact dead.   Big ups to Vince for fooling his mom into thinking he was dead.  Bigger ups to Vince’s mother, for not realizing everything on her son’s show is staged.  Can you imagine all the phone calls the WWE would have to make to tell wrestlers’ mother that their sons were okay? “No Ms. HHH, that 2 X 4 was pre-broken, your son is fine.” “No, Ms. Ultimate Warrior, that was just a ketchup packet, and yes, those steroids are completely safe.” “Yes, Ms. Macho-Man, like I have told you before, the bikini waxes are completely painless.” “No, Ms. Hogan, your son’s heart-attack was staged.  Actually, he’s pretty old, I better check on that one.”

The Angry T

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