My Fellow Americans

My fellow Americans, as we celebrate this 4th of July and recognize our country’s independence, we face a terrible crisis.  As our great President Bill Pullman once said, “Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation.”   Pullman was talking about aliens invading our planet; I am talking about America’s place in sports.  Look at today’s ESPN headlines:

1. America’s Cup (sailing) was won by the Swiss, who outlasted New Zealand (whose crew more then likely had those tattoos on their faces).  America’s Cup now belongs to a country known for chocolate, banks and neutrality, all of which I am strongly against.

2.The Nashville Predators just signed starting goaltender Chris Mason to a 2 year contract.  Mason of course is not American, but rather from Alberta, Canada.

3. Japanese Import Takeru Kobayashi looks forward to defending his 4th of July Nathan’s hot dog eating contest for an astonishing 7th time.  It’s one thing to lose to the Japanese in video games, math and science or a small penis contest, but eating?  On the 4th no less!!! 

4.The two top tennis stories today?  Amelie Mauresmo (France) losing to Nicole Vaidisova (Czech Republic) and Rafeal Nadal (Spain) still waits to complete his match with Robin Soderling (Sweden).  Did we lose a war?  This sounds like a damn United Nations conference.
           
While sailing, hockey, eating and tennis aren’t the most popular sports in America, they are all sports that we have had some success in but today we are behind.  This is a common theme among almost all of our sports.

Baseball

The way it used to be:  Ted Williams, Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays, Roger Maris, Hank Aaron, ruled the sport.  Latin players were around by the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s (Roberto Clemente, David Concepcion, Orlando Cepeda) but there was no doubt that the best players were American.

The way it is now:  Japan beat Cuba in the first ever world baseball championship.  Americans are still all-stars (Jeter, A-Rod, Derek Lee, Peavy, Verlander), but the Dominican Republic (Pujols, Vlad, Tejada, Reyes, Polanco) Puerto Rico (Beltran, Pudge, Delgado), Venezuela (Santana, Zambrano, Miggy Cabrera, Carlos Guillen, Magglio Ordonez), Japan (Dice K, Ichiro, Johjima) and probably Cuba all have players who are better then our best.  It is America’s game no longer.

Basketball

The way it used to be:  America owned the game of basketball.  The Dream team won the gold medal at the 1992 Olympics winning games by an average margin of 43.8 points a game.1996 Olympic team, same results (gold medal, won by an average of 32.3 ppg).  NBA championships were won by Bird, Jordan, Magic, Shaq, Kobe.

The way it is now: The 2004 Olympic team won the bronze medal and went 5-3, losing to Puerto Rico, Lithuania and Argentina.  In 2006, the U.S gave up 101 points and lost in the semifinal to Greece, forcing us to settle for bronze again.  This year, the San Antonio Spurs won the NBA championship featuring six players in their rotation not from the United States (including MVP Tony Parker).  The League MVP this year was a German, the two years before that it was a Canadian.

Hockey

The Way it used to be:  We haven’t ever been the dominant force in hockey, but at least we held the most popular league in the world and we had our share of individual success (Chelios, Weight, Roenick, Modano).

The way it is now:
The 2006-2007 1st and 2nd team All-NHL team breaks down like this:
Canada: 9
Russia: 1
Austria: 1
Sweden: 1
United State of America: 0

Since the 1980 Miracle on Ice in Lake Placid, America has won a single medal (Silver in 2002).  Most importantly, interest in the sport is at a low I haven’t seen in my lifetime.

Tennis

The way it was:
Men: Tilden, Budge, McEnroe, Connors, Sampras, Agassi.  31 Davis Cup Championships from 1900-1995.

Women: Billie Jean King, Chris Evert, Jennifer Capriati, Lindsay Davenport.  17 Fed Cup titles from 1963-2000.

The way it is now:
Men: In the latest ATP Ranking, America has the # 3 (Roddick: 1 Grand Slam) and #9 (Blake: Never has reached a grand slam SEMIFINAL) player in the world.  But anyone will tell you that Men’s tennis is Federer, Nadal, and then everyone else.  No Davis Cup Championships since 1995

Women:  In the latest WTA Ranking, America has the #8 (Serena: 8 Grand Slams) and 31st (Venus: 5 Grand Slams) player in the world.  Only one trip to the Fed Cup finals in the last 7 years.  Thank God for the Williams Sisters.

Golf

This is a funny one to judge.  On one hand, we have the top 3 players in the world rankings right now, so America can still be considered the best at golf.  We also have had the greatest players of all time (Snead, Palmer, Nicklaus, Woods).  However, we have lost 5 of the last 6 Ryder Cups to Europe.

Women:  A 12 year old girl just qualified for the Women’s U.S. Open, consequently making women’s golf no longer a sport.  It is now simply a leisure activity along with lawn darts and napping.

So where does that leave us as Americans?  We can do two things:

1.  Hold onto and enjoy the sports we still have a stronghold on.  Football and NASCAR still belong to us, with nobody even coming close.  Is this enough for you? 

2.  Watch these YouTube clips of very patriotic things and decide that we need to fight to make these all sports American again.  However you decide to help is up to you.  If I may suggest a few things:
* Stealing, or deflating basketballs from children who look European.
* Introducing Sports like Handball, Skateboarding and cross country to as many athletic looking Hispanic kids as you can find.
* Pumping America’s Youth with Steroids.

Enjoy these clips and in the words of President Pullman. “"We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day.”

Violent J

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