Charlie Weis Will Have His Day in Court….Again

The summer blockbuster you have all been waiting for is finally back from hiatus. Charley “The Chuck Wagon” Weis is back in court, and this time it’s personal.  You may remember that Charlie underwent a procedure called gastric bypass, or a stomach staple, which supposedly allows the recipient to eat less and get full on a smaller amount of food, and in turn lose weight.  Charlie’s surgery went horribly wrong and he bled internally for 30 hours following the procedure, went into a coma, and nearly died. Weis is suing for malpractice and claiming that the doctors were negligent.  If this story sounds familiar, that’s because this is a retrial.  Charlie’s first attempt was declared a mistrial when a juror collapsed, and the defendants rushed to the man’s aid and saved his life. 

Now if I was Chuck, and I can see my feet when I look down so I am not, I wouldn’t be suing for negligence.  Sure I almost died, but that’s not the worst part about this surgery.  The worst part is I am still a fat slob.  The defendants are claiming that Weis lost 90 pounds following the surgery, and landed his dream job, so the surgery was a success.  I am claiming that if you go into a coma for a week, you are bound to lose at least 50 pounds, so take that 50 right off the top and this surgery did almost nothing.  What’s 40 pounds for Charlie Weis? He puts down 35 pounds of soft serve ice cream each week at the Chinese buffet. 

Weis testified that the procedure was a failure because he now has limited feeling in both feet, has pain when he stands for long periods of time and sometimes has to use a motorized cart. I think all three of these conditions can be attributed to the fact that you are over three bills Chuck. No feeling in your feet?  Well your feet have to carry around a lot of you for 24 hours a day.  Pain when standing?  If I had an extra 200 pounds on my back whenever I stood up, I would experience pain as well.  Using a motorized cart?  No, you are just a lazy slob, and you can’t sue for being a lazy slob. Can you?

At the very least, this trial should have some star witnesses and moving testimony.  In the last trial, Tom Brady testified that he and Weis now share a “special bond” because Brady sat by Weis’ bedside while he was in a coma.  Who knows, we could get some Jimmy Clausen testimony about how he sat by Weis’ bedside and had the coach gel his hair.  Maybe Romeo Crennel will stop by and discuss how Weis tried to change his life following the surgery and cut their crawfish eating contests down to only twice a week. The only thing that could make this trial more interesting is if it was held on the set of Texas Justice, with Judge Larry Joe.  Maybe we can get the re-re-trial held there. I will write letters to the producers, just make sure Romeo Crennel gets on the stand and collapses so the doctors can save another life.

The Angry T

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