Stealing Money, the Professional Athlete Version

Barry Sanders.  Bo Jackson.  There are guys that left too early, leaving you want more from their careers for various reasons.  Then, you have the opposite.  Guys whose careers lasted longer than ER and for no apparent reason.  Guys who exemplify this quote from Rudy: “You’re 5 foot nothin’, 100 and nothin’, and you have barely a speck of athletic ability. And you hung in there with the best college football players in the land for 2 years. And you’re gonna walk outta here with a degree from the University of Notre Dame. In this life, you don’t have to prove nothin’ to nobody but yourself.” We give you our top ten of guys who you wonder how the hell they played in their respective leagues for as long as they did.

10. Vinny Testaverde

This name may come as a surprise to some.  I mean, he won a Heisman trophy at Miami (FL).  But, that didn’t quite translate always to the NFL.  In his career, Vinny threw only ten more touchdowns than interceptions.  Yet, he played for TWENTY-ONE years.  It must have been Vinny’s ability to be down at the two yard line yet still get credited with a touchdown.  Of course, the same referee who blew that call was responsible for the Thanksgiving Coin Flip Massacre.

9. Gabe Kapler

Gabe Kapler was drafted in the 1995 MLB draft by the Detroit Tigers.  Here’s the catch.  Kapler was picked in the 57th round.  He debuted in 1998 and is still currently playing with the Tampa Bay Rays.  Truly amazing for a 57th round pick who has a career .273 average and 72 home runs.  Kapler has been what his draft position might suggest– decidedly average.

8. Kwame Brown

Kwame Brown had a career high in both points and rebounds in 2003-2004.  10.9 points and 7.4 rebounds.  If you remember correctly, Kwame Brown was a #1 overall pick.  And those are his career highs.  Frankly, he wasn’t close to those numbers before and hasn’t been close since.  But, he’s still collecting a paycheck from the Detroit Pistons.  Some guys have all the luck.

7. Lindsey Hunter

From a current Piston to a longtime Pistons.  Lindsey Hunter did go to the same school as Walter Payton but that’s about all he has going for him.  Known as a defensive specialist, Lindsey Hunter’s basic job is to go hack the opposing team’s PG into submission or until Steve Javie calls 6 fouls, whichever comes first.

6. Tony Clark

Tony the Tiger became the 5th fastest person in MLB history to 50 home runs doing so in only 202 at-bats with the Detroit Tigers.  Fourteen years later, he’s still living off that reputation.  In fact, he only has 199 home runs in his last 4292 at-bats.  Quite a drought.  Especially considering Tony Clark is supposed to be a power hitter.

5. Ozzie Guillen

It’s bad enough that the guy has a job as a manager.  No one knows how to steal money from the Chicago White Sox quite like Ozzie Guillen.  Ozzie played sixteen seasons in the majors, including thirteen with the White Sox.  In those sixteen seasons, Ozzie batted .264 with a whopping 28 home runs.  So, like all poor hitters, he was billed as a defensive specialist.  Unfortunately, he only has one Gold Glove to back up that claim.

4. Tommy Maddox

Tommy Maddox was drafted in 1992.  He “retired” with the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2005.  And, he pretty much did nothing in between except claim the XFL MVP award in 2001.  He threw more interceptions than touchdowns in his NFL career, but still managed to collect a paycheck from five different teams.

3. Cliff Robinson

Fun fact: Cliff Robinson made the playoffs in his first 14 NBA seasons.  Fun fact #2: Cliff Robinson was never the reason for his team making the playoffs in his first 14 NBA seasons.  A 6′10 forward/center, Cliff Robinson usually just sat around the 3 point line.  No reason to use your height when you’re a 35% career three point shooter.  Cliff Robinson: Stealing money from the NBA since 1989.

2. Jose Mesa

Now, I understand relief pitchers are tough to come by.  It’s a difficult job.  You go out there almost every day, always in a different situation.  Sometimes you have guys on base, sometimes you may even start pitching to a guy who already has a 2-2 count on him.  But, when will MLB teams figure out they’re just wasting money on closers?  Jose Mesa and his career 4.36 ERA over 21 seasons is the poster boy for that argument.

1. Shawn Bradley

The real answer to how to steal money from professional sports teams: be very tall.  That’s all Shawn Bradley did.  He was 7′6.  And he did a great job at being 7′6.  He just didn’t do much more than that.  But, he did it for 13 seasons.  Kudos Shawn.

Now that you’ve read that fantastic piece of journalism, check out the video below featuring the Sklar Brothers:

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