I Will Tell Yao Ming Who to Marry

I think it is fantastic that Yao Ming is tying the knot, don’t get me wrong, but I can’t help but think his choice of a wife is a wee bit selfish.  Yao is probably the most athletically gifted 7’6” man in the history of men (this side of Manute Bol), and his seed should be used to create something equally athletically gifted. Sure, his wife, Ye Li, is 6’2” and plays on the Chinese National team, but there are definetly better choices for the oven for Yao’s bun. I was actually still under the assumption that the Communist regime would force Yao to take the actions that I will suggest in this article, but it seems that those Communist propaganda posters that I have over my bed really overstate the power of the reds.  His wife, even though she may be a fantastic woman, probably won’t be able to pony up the athletic DNA to create the super-baby athlete of my dreams.  But don’t fret, I have put together a list of potential mistresses for Yao, who, with his wife’s go-ahead, will create the most athletically dominant child in the history of the world.  Here are the representatives from some prominent women’s sports.

WNBA Representative

Margo Dydek – Margo is 7’2”, Yao is 7’6”, plus they are both excellent free throw shooters.  There is absolutely no limit to how tall this child could be or how fantastic he/she will be able to shoot free throws.

Track and Field Representative

Marion Jones – Marion is a three time gold medalist and has only tested positive once for steroid use, which is impressive in track and field these days.  According to this article, Marion is broke, which means she could use the money that would inevitably come from this super-baby.

Softball  Representative

Jennie Finch –  There might be a few better softball players out there, but Finch is very attractive, and Yao deserves a great looking woman.  Plus, Finch is married to Casey Daigle, a former Major League Baseball player, so she is very comfortable with professional athletes, even if this one speaks broken English. Plus, if I pick Finch, I get to add this picture.

Swimming Representative

Amanda Beard – Again, Beard isn’t the best American swimmer of all time, but she is pretty damn attractive, and their child would be very athletic on land and by sea, which would make it unstoppable.  Plus, I get to add this picture to the article:

Tennis Representative

Ana Ivanovic – Ana is the fifth ranked tennis player in the world.  She reached her first grand-slam final in 2007 at the French Open.  Ana will give this child much needed quickness that will pair nicely with Yao’s size.  Plus, since I included her, I get to add this picture:

This completes the list thus far.  I have sent this article to the Chinese consulate in an attempt to make my dream of a super-athletic Yao baby a reality.  Long live state-sponsored copulation. 

The Angry T

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