These celebrity ceremonial first pitches rarely go well ( This howitzer from the mayor of Cincinnati comes to mind immediately). I hope he was swept out of office or a became a victim of the recall process (because after all, that’s exactly why this political device was created. Just ask Henry Clay) within 11 minutes of that pitch being thrown.
If I were a director of game day operations, I would definitely try to schedule a schedule a person that would undoubtedly embarrass themselves. My search would start with chicks, who on average, have trouble throwing anything with any speed or accuracy. I’d probably also look at washed up movie or television stars. These E-Listers have a lot of prove and would probably try way to hard and either fall over, or throw out their arm. I think it’d be a great strategy to give the thrower some sort of constricting clothing with a team logo emblazoned on it. In the dead of summer I’d be giving the thrower a parka, just to give myself an insurance policy that their throw would be particularly pathetic.
This week, two teams, the Pirates and the Dodgers, picked two fantastic candidates to mess up the ceremonial pitch. Charlie Brown, who doesn’t even exist in real life, threw on a 35 pound costume with arms that don’t even make a natural human motion, and was supposed to deliver a strike from 40 feet. With the Pirates choice in place, the Dodgers attempted to one-up the Bucs by bringing out Shawn Johnson, the 4′1″ Olympic and Dancing with the Stars Champion whose tiny hand and arm would have a hard time throwing a ping pong ball more than 8-10 feet.
Let’s go to the tale of the tape and take a look at who fared better in the Battle of the Ceremonial Pitches:
Shawn Johnson
Charlie Brown
Style - Say what you want about C. Brown, he is his own man. He didn’t bother to throw on a Pirates jersey like so many easily influenced ceremonial pictures before him. Instead, he rocked his yellow and black shirt like a champ and gave a big FU to Pirates owner Robert Nutting. Shawn, on the other hand, toed the company line and threw on a Dodgers jersey instead of her trademark Team USA unitard.
Advantage – Charlie Brown
Mechanics – Both ceremonial pitchers employ the same only-use-your-arm throwing style, which involves keeping your entire body still while attempting to throw a pitch. Charlie Brown even leans a lot to the left as he throws, which any pitching coach will tell you is a key to throwing 31 mph straight to the left.
Advantage – Push
Pitch execution - If you look at Shawn’s warm-up tosses at the beginning of her video, you’d think that she was going to throw a perfect strike to her battery mate Casey Blake. Unfortunately, when the pressure is on, broke the shin of an imaginary left handed batter. That being said, C. Brown threw from about 45 feet and still missed the plate by around 7 feet.
Advantage – Shawn Johnson
The Verdict - This one is too close to call. Both pitchers are equally inept, but gave 100 percent effort all the same. Congratulations to Shawn for tying a fictional cartoon character in a pitching contest. I’m sure she’ll hang this post next to her gold medals in the trophy room.
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