When did golf turn into a fashion show? When did it become necessary for golfer’s to trot out their flashiest and most homoerotic pants and shirts four days a week so they could hit a little white ball in a hole in style. Ridiculously tight pants, belt buckles, muscle polo shirts and oddly shaped hats are just a few of these unwelcome changes to golf attire over the last few years. The leader of the United States Open is wearing a hat that looks like it was made to fit Spongebob’s square head with a brim made for a 9 year old little leaguer’s baseball cap.
What is the point of a hat on the golf course? Iwas under the impression that you wore a hat on the golf course to shield your face and eyes from the harmful rays of the sun. Apparently that whole dynamic has changed. Here’s another dynamic that’s changed:
I love the fact that they’re plaid, and they look like they were woven from hemp and bermuda grass.
Ricky is by no means alone. Ian Poulter hasn’t seen a pair of pants that everybody hates that he doesn’t like:
While I’m certain he does this to bring attention to himself, he could probably do a better job of grabbing attention by actually winning something. Oh what a free spirit he must be. He chooses to be the bad boy who dresses different in the most repressed and stuck sport this side of polo. He’s 33 years old but he still chooses to dress like he’s going to the discotech to slam appletini’s with two great guys he met at the gym.
Then there’s Camilo Villegas, who outright refuses to put on a shirt and pants that doesn’t accentuate each ab and each testicle individually:
We get it pal, you have a membership to Gold’s Gym, but is it really necessary to give each and every television viewer a shot of the frank and beans when you bend over to read a putt.
And as for you Anthony Kim, are we in a Master P video or at a golf tournament? What’s that, about 31 carats set in platinum? If this whole golf thing doesn’t work out for you, you’ll have no time picking up work as a member of Lupe Fiasco’s entourage. How uncomfortable are you about taking drugs through an airport? Forget it, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I missed when golf turned into a fashion show but if this is the way the tide is turning, I think it’s time for me to get on board, even though I’m not the biggest fan of British flag shirts and ball-hugger pants. Let’s really do this fashion thing right if we’re going to do it. Let’s get Jim Nance and the rest of the broadcast crew pimped out in Coogi sweaters and throw Judy Rankin in a Versace pant suit and high heels to walk with the players.
Why not dress up the caddies as well? From now on let’s only allow them to wear clothes and bibs from Hot Topic. How great would Steve Williams look in a black mesh shirt with some black cargo pants and a bad ass wallet chain. Throw some eye shadow on em’ and paint his face white and we’ve got ourselves a fashion statement. Either that, or Ricky Barnes should wear a sombrero on Monday…make it viewer’s choice, American Idol style.
The Angry T
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