The MLB Go Away Player of Year Set to Be Announced Shorlty After Comeback Player of the Year

Carlos Pena is a hitting machine.  If you would have told me two years ago that I would utter that phrase at any time in my life, I would have probably hit you with a sock full of quarters, stole your wallet, and called you a liar. I watched Carlos intently during his formative years in Detroit.  He showed flashes of brilliance, but inevitably he looked too inconsistent to ever deliver on his talent.   Pena was dead to rights after the 2006 season after being released by Boston.   He signed a minor league contract with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays prior to the 2007 season, which is one short step above signing a contract to play in the Rock and Jock Softball Team.  By the grace of Joe Madden himself, Carlos Pena remembered that he had some talent and he started to mash.  Carlos hit home runs 29 and 30 this evening and he is a lock to win the Comeback player of Year Award.

Carlos’ performance got me thinking, which is a rarity. If the MLB is going to heap praise on the best comeback player each year, shouldn’t they also criticize the players that play below their ability or previous performance levels? They could call this award, "The Go Away Player of the Year Award."   The list below is filled to the brim with players who should probably take two weeks off, and then quit. SO, the Angry T is proud to present the “Go-Away Players of the Year” at each position:

C: Paul Lo Duca – In all fairness to my countryman, Paul has dealt with injuries this year,  That being said, in the 89 games that he did play, Paul hit .267 with a .310 on base percentage.  Although he remains very difficult to strike out, Paul hasn’t played more than a 130 games any of the last five seasons and has averaged 97 games a year during that stretch.

1B – Aubrey Huff – Whoever coaches first baseman in Tampa Bay should be given a raise. That man brought along Aubrey Huff and nutured Carlos Pena and guided him towards his current success. After three very solid years with Tampa Bay, Huff left for Houston and lost most of his ability to play baseball.  His still hasn’t found his stroke with Baltimore and that’s why he finds himself on this list.

2B – Ray Durham – Sorry Ray, .224 protecting Barry Bonds just doesn’t cut it.  I accept your apology however, they only pay your 35-year-old ass seven million a year, I don’t even get out of my bed for seven mil these days. Thanks for the beer though.

SS – Juan Uribe – This was the easiest choice on the list.  The fact that this guy still has a job in baseball at any level eats away at my soul on a daily basis.  The good news is, with his hideous baseball swing, Juan will always have a job as a lumberjack in the Pacific Northwest.

3B – Nike Punto – Punto has a nice glove, but unless you have enough range to cover both positions left of second base, you can’t hit .201 and play in the major leagues.  

CF – Johnny Damon – Not even Jesus himself could help Johnny this year.  He is posting near career lows in batting average, on-base percentage and slugging percentage and at  33 years old, Johnny is no spring chicken.  Time to get in good with the Boss John, I hear there is an assistant traveling secretary position that the club is looking to fill.

RF – Jose Cruz Jr. – While .234 with six home runs may be par for the course for the San Diego Padres, I hold major leaguers to higher standards.  Go home to Puerto Rico Jose, you are a 10 year veteran, you have a fantastic pension locked up.  Plus, Mike Cameron already called dibs on the role of outfielder that consistently hits under .250, but looks very athletic doing it. Plus, Jose will never equal the awesomness of his father’s haircut.

LF – Craig Monroe – My heart breaks as I type Craig’s name.  Craig Keystone Monroe carried my Detroit Tigers to the World Series last year.  Well maybe he didn’t carry them, but he was pretty money in the playoffs.  But Craig didn’t produce this year, so the Tigers gave him his walking papers.  I wish Craig the best and I pray that his .222 average this year was a aberration, but if all else fails, he may have a career in making cameos in poorly produced commercials for local sporting goods stores.

P – Jose Contreras – While it is debatable whether Jose is actually only 35 years old; it is not debatable that he is god-awful.  Whatever stuff he once had is now long gone. There is still a reason to keep an eye on Jose this year, as he current sits on 16 losses and he very well may go Mike Maroth on us this and throw up the 20 big ones.

By the way, for anyone interested, I am starting a letter writing campaign to have Juan Uirbe removed from the major leagues from crimes against good baseball swing mechanics.  I encourage anyone interested to write Kenny Williams, Bud Selig, your congressman, or anyone else that could get this initiative off the ground.   My hope  is that one day we can all live in a world where we don’t have to become physical ill daily when this guy starts his trot form the on-deck circle to the batter’s box.  

The Angry T

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