Gloria Estefan Becomes Part Owner of the Dolphins. It’s Time for Other Divas to Follow Suit

When I hear the word “CONGA!!,” I almost always think Gloria Estefan.  Now, thanks to Ms. Estefan purchase of a small stake in the Miami Dolphins, her name will become synonymous with NFL football…probably.  In any event, the singer/songwriter of such classics as “The Rythm is Gonna Get You,” and “1-2-3,” and unquestioned front woman for the Miami Sound Machine is an NFL owner.  I just can’t wait to see her at the owner’s meetings.

Gloria’s little purchase got me thinking about some other divas who may want to consider professional sports ownership.  I’d also direct them as to which team they should purchase and why.  All they have to do is lay down the cash.

Thanks for Jazzy J, Jake Roland for the inspiration…

Carrie Underwood – Dallas Cowboys – It’s finally time for Carrie to exact her revenge for the break-up and send Tony Romo where he belongs.  To be honest, I always thought that Brooks Bollinger had a bettter arm anyway, grab a slice of bench Romo.

Whitney Houston – Cincinnati Bengals - I know Whitney says that she’s clean these days, but let’s imagine for a second that she isn’t clean, which is preposterous, because everyone knows that crack is a very easy drug to quit.  But, if by some stretch of the imagination she was still using, there wouldn’t be a better group of enablers than the Bengals.

Mariah Carey -  Detroit Lions - Everyone knows that Mariah loves to play sugar momma to her boyfriend Nick Cannon. What better way to show her affection than to buy Nick a football team? The Lions are the perfect team for Nick because he is the newly minted host of “America’s Got Talent.” Hopefully he can find a few contestants with some ability to play middle linebacker, or defensive back.  Detroit fans like myself can only hope.

Aretha Franklin – Buffalo Bills - Aretha has a dream.  She wants to find a group of people that she can visit an All-You-Can-Eat buffet with without feelings bad about herself.  (I know Aretha, the crab legs look to good to pass up) The Bills average poundage across their offensive line is 332 lbs, heaviest in the NFL.  Her dreams might finally be realized with this purchase.

Jessica Simpson – New Orleans Saints - Jessica’s connection with Proactiv Solutions may finally help Drew Brees get that thing off of his face.

Queen Latifah – New England Patriots – You may or may not know Queen Latifah is the proud owner of a FatBurger restaurant:

In an ingenious scheme to get Kraft macaroni and cheese in every FatBurger restaurant in America, Robert Kraft sponsors Latifah’s purchase of a minority stake in the team.  He’s got the blue box blues and a lot more coin in his pocket after this transaction.

Madonna – Denver Broncos - Denver Broncos ownership has the last know cell phone number for Travis Henry and as you may know, Travis Henry has nine children from nine different women.  Madonna is hoping that minority ownership of the the team will allow her to get close enough to adopt at least six of Henry’s nine kids and grow her brood.

Brooke Hogan – Arizona Cardinals - Beefy Brooke Hogan has given up on her singing career and is done with television.  She needs a new job, and she believes that she is perfectly suited to play OT for an NFL team.  The Cardinals had the worst rush offense in the league last year and could really use her.  Plus, Ken Whisenhunt is afraid to say no to those thighs.

Jennifer Lopez – Seattle Seahawks - Jennifer is really interested in football, so it’s no wonder that she wants to purchase a team.  At the same time, she doesn’t want to alienate her husband when she purchases a team full of strong, attractive men.  So, Jennifer makes the only logical team purchase decision  and buys a team quarterbacked by a man that looks like a cross between your dad and Mr. Clean, with the physique of the guy who cleans your pool. This way, her hideous screw of a husband won’t feel threatened.  Nice work Mrs. Anthony.

Britney Spears – Oakland Raiders -Unlike all the other divas on this list, Britney does not get to choose her team.  Britney was actually handpicked by Al Davis to succeed his was owner.  Al said that Britney is the only diva he could trust to make nonsensical decision on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis just like he has.  Al also appreciates Britney’s ability to choose inexperienced and unproven young men as her boyfriends and husbands.  Al’s been choosing equally inexperienced and unproven young men as 1st round draft picks for years and he’s been wowed by Britney’s ability to do the same.

The NFL Diva revolution has begun, you need only to embrace it.

The Angry T and Jazzy J

Popularity: 1% [?]