An Open Letter to the NHL

Here is a submission from the newest member of The Angry T team.  As you will read his rant is an open letter to Canada’s favorite pastime not named curling.  You may remember this guy from a semi-popular metal band of the late 90’s.  Well now he’s jobless, penniless, but fortunately not keyboard-less, here he is, Violent J.

Dear NHL,
           
 Hello my dear old friend, how have you been?  It has been too long since we last talked, so much has changed.  You see, when we used to talk you entertained me.  I talked to all of my friends about you.  I used to be one of your players in the NHL 95 Sega game.  His name was Sergei Fedorov and I would work the wraparound and shoot backhand after backhand into the net past the slow glove hand of Felix Potvin.

God what fun we used to have!  It wouldn’t take more then a few phone calls to round the guys up for some street hockey. How we loved to emulate your top players.  Now I have no idea who your top players are.  I tried to watch you a couple times this week in between episodes of Flavor of Love, but unfortunately I don’t get OLN on my TV, and if I did, I wouldn’t know where to find it.

I asked a few friends about what you’ve been up to, but they didn’t know either.  In fact they said they weren’t even interested in you anymore. That seems to be the sentiment in Chicago ( population: 2.9 million) where your Blackhawks, one of the Original 6, averages 12,000 fans a game, filling only 60 % of their seats.  The WNBA Champion Detroit Shock brought 9,000-11,000 fans a game throughout their season and consistently brought around 18,000-19,000 fans to the WNBA finals.  Are you really on the same scale as a good WNBA team? Has it gotten that bad?

Hey what are you getting mad at ME for?  I stayed with you during your glowing puck fiasco and the United States Vs World Vs Guatemala Vs North Korea All Star games you’ve pushed on me.  What ever happened to some old fashioned, wheel out a half-dead Al Iafrate to blast 200mph slapshots All-star Weekend moments?  I stayed with you when you moved out of Canada and went to Columbus, Atlanta (honestly….hockey in Atlanta).  Sure some of those places bring in decent crowds, but you made yourself look like a clown when you watered down your sport so much that average hockey guy has no idea what players play on half your teams.

Oh yeah that’s another thing, your players changed teams like Chris Gatling on crack.  Your superstars no longer have the star power they once had.  Your new rules and style have been cheap gimmicks.  More goals do not mean more entertainment.  You’re the freaking NHL!!!  You’ve been around since 1917!!! This isn’t Slam Ball on TNN for Christ sake (although I think Slam Ball might follow your games on OLN now).

Wait where are you going?  Oh I get it, leaving me again.  This is a song and dance I’ve seen before.  2004-2005 ring a bell?  Oh don’t think I actually forgot what you did, I know most former fans of you haven’t.  You locking out the season is like Elizabeth Berkley not signing up for the Saved By The Bell reunion episode.  Sure you would like the full cast, but with or without her you’re still going to watch the show.  The point is NHL, we loved you, but when you went away, it’s not like we were left with nowhere to turn.  Things like College Baseball and Poker took your time slots and posted better ratings then you did. 

You will always be the fourth sport, and that’s not terrible, it could be worse, you could be soccer.  But if you continue to get away from things that kept you in fourth, you can say hello to “The Sweet Science” and the “Sport of Kings” on the way down as you get passed in popularity by Landon Donovan’s LA Galaxy. Well NHL, stay in touch and tell Sergei Fedorov that I miss him.  I would tell him myself but I have no idea what team he is on.

Violent J

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