Swimming Mulling Transition to Traditional Swimsuits, Other Sports Change Their Ludicrous Rules

Swimming is finally ready to recognize that the more than 100 world records set in 2008 may have something to do with exponential growth of swimsuit technologies in recent years. Apparently it took the powers that be this long to realize that something was amiss.  People were falling in the pool and breaking records in Athens and Beijing and it’s probably time to at least see if these swimsuit, made out of a combination of the stuff they use to make the space shuttle and seal skin (probably) had anything to do with it.

At the same time, the headline “Michael Phelps wins, breaks world record,” is much more exciting than “Michael Phelps wins, doesn’t break world record, several swimmers drown in 50m fee after swimsuit rules change.” Well, now that I think about it, I may be wrong on that one, but I think you get my point.  In general, the faster these people swim, the more fans are likely to care.  Then again, I think that suit that Phelps wore in the Olympics with the working dorsal fin, swim bladder and gills probably crossed the line.

In any event, while swimming’s governing bodies was lax in their enforcement of swimsuit technology, they weren’t the only sport to come up with some pretty ridiculous ideas for their sport.  Let’s take a look at some rule changes that were (probably, but not actually) postulated by the governing bodies of other sports:

Dana White’s shocking announcement that UFC fighters would be able to carry concealed weapons to the ring - While White’s UFC brand was certainly on top of MMA, he became increasingly concerned that copycat organization would begin to steal his market share.  This rules change would be his way to win back market share from other organizations that would be unwilling to take this step.

Surprisingly, this idea championed by some athletes that were new to the sport:

Fearing backlash from MMA purists, Dana White quickly withdrew this idea, leading to a quick retirement from William Regal.

Bud Selig instituting a metal bat only policy for Major League Baseball – Once it was clear that the public would simply not tolerate steroid use if they were sure it was happening,  (Rather than “kind of sure”  because second basemen turned into 30-home-run-hitting, Lou Ferrigno look alikes without anyone caring) Bud and his henchmen agreed they needed a way to keep the long ball in play and keep asses in seats.  The metal bat was the perfect answer. ”Look how well it worked for softball,” he told Donald Fehr.

500 foot home runs would be passe and modern ball parks would be made obsolete.  Fans would inevitably flock back to the parks.  Football would be a distant afterthought in the mind of the fan.  Not surprisingly, fans and the press lambasted Selig for this short-sightedness and the idea was shelved.  He was forced to come up with another idea and rush it to the table.  Thankfully, this one was slightly more well received.

Lance Armstrong Announces he will ride a motorcycle in the Tour De France – Tired of having doping allegations thrown in his direction, Lance decided to shift the focus away from this potential cheating by doping, to his blatant cheating by riding a motorcycle.  He also pointed to the Tour de France’s small sphere of popularity, which could be instantly enlarged by the swarms and swarms of Hell’s Angels packing the hills of France to watch him ride.

Here’s a potential fan right now:

Tour officials quickly dismissed the idea, but not because they hated it. In fact, they had nearly come to a similar conclusion years earlier when they realized so few people cared about this event, they could get away with riding motorcycles and save a lot of energy for their rides. No, Tour officials only hated the idea because it came from an American, which is the same reason they don’t eat many French fries or use toothpaste in France, despite their inherent deliciousness and tartar fight power respectively.

And finally, the most ridiculous of all potential rules changes:

The WNBA President Ms. S0 and So suggests a rule change to lower the net to 9 ft.  – Media and fans agreed from the get go that this is a terrible idea.  Let’s get real folks, why should we acknowledge that men and women are athletically different and as such a change of the games’ rules to make them more aesthetically pleasing to the fan? (See: making the ball smaller, making the three-point line shorter, lowering the net in women’s volleyball which are all terrible ideas).  I’m sure no one would be interested in seeing women’s basketball players dunk, make exciting plays around the rim, score more points and entertain fans more in general.  Thank god this rule was never instituted.

The Angry T

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