The World Series is set to begin tomorrow and once again the governors of Massachusetts and Colorado have made a stupid, “We bet you what we grow in our state for what you grow in your state.” This time around it boiled down to the Boston putting up Ice Cream and Lobster against the Colorado Beef. Wow, way to think outside the box fellas. These are the people that we trust to solve our complex governmental problems and they come up with these awful bets. Don’t worry governors, we will do the thinking for you. Below are five things that each city could put up for the bet which would make things several times more interesting in this series. Each of the ten things below are staples in the respective cities and these are the things that each Boston should send to the Colorado in the event that they lose, or vice versa.
Red Sox – Things that the Red Sox could wager –
100 Drunk Douchebag Red-Sox Fans – A video is worth the 50 words I could have used describe why it would be a good idea to wager these people.
Antoine Walker’s Used Size 42 Game Shorts - Despite his girth, that man can shimmy.
The Knife That Stabbed Paul Pierce 11 Times and the Two Men Convicted of The Stabbing – The weapon and the men who wielded it against Paul will be transferred to a Denver area penitentiary. In an effort to start the healing process, Paul will get to stab each of the men in a non-vital organ…for charity.
A Dime Bag From Bill Belichick’s Son – He has good shit.
Tom Brady / Giselle Sex Tape – This tape was filmed by Bill Belichick while Bill was wearing just a hoodie. This tape is filthy, and you can take my word for it, because I watched it will Bill’s son after we got high. (By the way, here is the latest papparzzi shot of Brady and Giselle, because I am that lame)
Colorado – Things that the Rockies could wager –
Three Locks of Dante Bichette’s Mullett – This lovely mullet and that T-shirt would make a great prize for the Boston Red Sox organization.
Barrell Man – The barrel schtick has run its course in Denver, so Barrell Man would get a new start and a new life as “Crab-Stuffed Mushroom Man” or “Disposable Gillete Razor Man.”
One Night With Dikembe Mutombo – Many of us have heard Dikembe’s famous “Who wants to sex Mutombo?” line as he walked into a bar at Georgetown. Now, if the Red Sox win, one lucky person will get the opportunity to be the one that sexes the shit out of Mutumbo.
The Colorado Crush – The Red Sox will receive this prestigious Arena Football team, owned by John Elway, which has a market value of well over $19.56, including the stadium.
Danny Ainge – It would seem like this is something that Boston would give up if they lose. Instead it should be something that Denver should have to take on if Colorado loses. Within one year the Nuggets will have either acquired every player in the league with a contract over 18 million dollars or they will have completely cleared out the cupboards and given J.R. Smith 45 shots a game.
The Angry T
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I couldn’t understand some parts of this article World Series Gubernatorial Bets are Notoriously Lame. LetÔøΩs Spice it Up a Bit, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.