Is Chad Henne the next Tom Brady? Drew Henson laughs at the Thought as he Washes My Car for 10 dollars

Last Saturday, University of Michigan quarterback Chad Henne added yet another chapter to his lengthy college career by leading a come from behind victory over his in-state rivals up in East Lansing.  As Henne finishes up an injury plagued senior year, he is still considered by most draft predictors to be a late first day, early second day NFL draft pick.  His arrival to the NFL will be much like the arrival of prior Michigan QB’s.

Since 1990, every University of Michigan Quarterback has been in the NFL.  Michigan Alums Elvis Grbac, Todd Collins, Scott Dreisbach, Brian Griese, Drew Henson, and John Navarre have all played on Sundays.  They’ve been average starters (Grbac and Griese) they’ve been spot starters (Henson and Collins) and they’ve been Clipboard holders who only lasted for a few seasons (Dreisbach and Navarre).  Henne is of course hoping he ends up like the one Michigan QB who has found success in the NFL, 2-time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady.  So who will Henne become in the NFL?  Will he be a steal and become one of the great NFL Quarterbacks like Brady, or will he follow his predecessor John Navarre, who played in only 2 NFL games in 2 years before being cut by the Colts this year?  Like Navarre and Brady, Henne is a big, slow QB with a strong arm that can make all the necessary throws in the NFL.  So how can we tell which road he’ll go down?  Let’s try to find some common denominators.

1. COLLEGE STATISTICS
Tom Brady didn’t exactly rewrite the record books during his two years as Michigan starter:

Junior Year:  61.1% Completion 15 TD’s 12 INT   2636 Yards
Senior Year: 62.8% Completion 20 TD’s 5 INT 2586 Yards

John Navarre on the other hand is in the top 3 QB’s statistically in Michigan history.  I have read however that one of the major college statistics that determines your success in the NFL is completion percentage.  Looking at Brady’s vs Navarre’s percentage the theory holds true:

Junior Year 55.4% Completion 21 TD’s 7 INT 2905 Yards
Senior Year 59.2% Completion 24 TD’s 10 INT 3331 Yards

Here’s Henne’s numbers:

Junior Year: 61.9% 22 TD’s 8 INT 2508 Yards
Senior Year (7 games) 61.5% 14 TD’s 6 INT 1469 Yards   

The throwing percentage and yards look more like Brady’s stats then they do Navarre’s.

Result: HENNE MORE LIKE BRADY

2. CLUTCH COLLEGE PERFORMANCES
Tom Brady wasn’t automatic against any of Michigan’s rivals, but he did do something that hasn’t been done around Ann Arbor in a while…he won bowl games:
Notre Dame 1-1
MSU 1-1
Ohio State 1-1
Bowl Games 2-0

Navarre on the other hand, well he was about as clutch as an automatic transmission:

Notre Dame 1-1
MSU 2-1
Ohio State 1-2
Bowl Games 1-2

What are Henne’s records?  Let’s just say he still has a lot to prove after the Wisconsin game this Saturday.

Notre Dame 2-2
MSU 4-0
Ohio State 0-3
Bowl Games 0-3

Result: HENNE MORE LIKE NAVARRE

3. MICHIGAN FANS REACTION TO QUARTERBACK
While Tom Brady was quarterback, Michigan fans were constantly calling for Drew Henson to take his job.  He was booed by the student section on more then one occasion.

While John Navarre was quarterback, Michigan fans were calling for Spencer Brinton to take his job.  He was booed by the student section on more then one occasion.

While Chad Henne was quarterback, Michigan fans were calling for Matt Gutierrez to take his job.  He was booed by the student section on more then one occasion.

Result: MICHIGAN STUDENT SECTION IS FILLED WITH MORONS

4.  MY INTERACTION WITH EACH OF THE QUARTERBACKS
While I have never met Tom Brady, I imagine he is a great guy who could sweet talk me, impregnate me, and then leave me for a supermodel when the baby came along.  I also imagine he is very witty.

I met John Navarre during Michigan’s Bye week at a party being thrown by my friends in 2002.  He seemed like a nice enough guy.  The best part of course was that my incredibly drunk friend proceeded to pick a fight with Navarre about him being out drinking during the season, causing Navarre to literally become so upset that his eyes watered up and he screamed “This is why I can never go out anymore, because of people like you!!!!”  John Navarre=Sensitive

I met Chad Henne at a friend’s party during welcome week of 2004.  I was about to pour myself a beer from the keg when Henne approached me and asked “Hey, is this where the beer’s at?”  no Chad, we filled this big silver container with cat piss, the beer is outside in the middle of a crowded street, go pour yourself a glass.

Result: HENNE MORE LIKE NAVARRE

5. TASTE IN WOMEN
Tom Brady dates women that look like this:
 

I know from reading Navarre’s NFL bio that he is married to a women named Courtney.  When I googled “Courtney Navarre Marriage” this is one of the first pictures that came up, I can only assume it is John Navarre’s wife:

As for Mr. Henne?  Well trust me, there is no one that looks remotely close to as hot as Giselle or Bridget, here’s who Chad is spending time with apparently:

Championship ring and a skank on one side, Natural Light and a skank on the other.  I get the feeling that both these ladies will be seeing Chad’s Panther Tatoo tonight. 

Result: HENNE MORE LIKE NAVARRE

So unfortunately for Henne, it looks like he is about to enter the world of NFL career backups.  For some advice on how to hold clipboards and make ridiculous money for it, he needs hook up with Michigan Alum Todd Collins who is making 1.25 MILLION dollars this year despite only throwing 27 passes in the past 7 seasons.  God Bless America.

Violent J

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