The Angry T honors the recently fired football coaches by listing their faults on the field, and their inability to pleasure their wives at home

Goodbye Huston Nutt. Nice try Bill Callahan.  Mediocrity doesn’t pay Chan Gaily.  In a season that was plagued/blessed with no dominant college football team, several schools have recently cut loose their head coaches for failing to contend in a year where South Florida and Kansas have both been ranked #2 in the country. 

Some coaches were fired because they’re teams didn’t win (Duke’s Ted Roof), some coaches were fired because beating they’re rivals didn’t make up for sub .500 conference records (Texas A&M’s Dennis Franchione), and some coaches were fired because apparently 14 straight winning seasons isn’t enough (Southern Mississippi’s Jeff Bower).

Behind every fired coach is an equally inept coaching staff.  So with so many colleges around the country kicking their head coaches and their staffs to the curb, it’s only right that we put together the worst coaching staff ever created.  Some of these coordinators and coaches got fired, but surprisingly, some of them are still stealing paychecks week after week.

Special Teams Coach:

Keith Burns – San Jose State University
Net Average Punt- 30.33 yds (118th out of 119 D1 teams)
Kick Return Average 20.14 yds, 0 TD’s (86th)
San Jose State Kickers- 10-23 FG’s, 29-30 Extra Points

Keith Burns was previously the Head Coach of Tulsa (2000-02), where he capped off a stellar 3 years by going 1-11 in 2002.  Intent on getting completely ostracized by every single college football team, Burns is the worst special teams coach in college today.  Originally from Texas, Burns has worked hard at giving his sons the most Texas-style names he could think of (KC, Tanner, and Davis).

Running Backs Coach:

Randy Trivers – Syracuse University
Avg. 2.0 / Carry    5 Rushing TD’s
62.75 YPG   118th in Rushing Offense

When the only team rushing worst then you statistically is Texas Tech, a team that consistently throws the ball over 40 times a game, you have problems.  And when that same Texas Tech team has 12 more rushing touchdowns then you, you have more problems.  Randy Trivers is in his first year of coaching college athletics.  He won several 2A and 3A state championships coaching in high school, and he also was voted most likely to not run the ball, and prettiest eyes at Northwest HS.  Welcome to College Coach Carter, I mean Coach Trivers.

Offensive Line Coach:
 

John Reagan – Kansas University
27th Best Rushing Office
14th Best Passing Office

Does John Reagan show up to work twice a week?  Once a week?  When you have Bastion Booger as your coach, who knows lineman better? Kansas hiring an offensive line coach is like Jim Tressel hiring a sweater vest coach or Urban Meyer hiring a smug asshole coach. 

Offensive Coordinator:

Mike DeBord- University of Michigan
4 First Team All-Big Ten Offensive Selections
1 2nd Team All-Big Ten Offensive Selection
1 Honorable Mention Big-Ten Offensive Selection
All-time leading rusher in Michigan History
Big Ten Lineman of the Year
4-Year starting QB
5th, 25th, 51st, and 83rd best NFL prospects according to Rivals.com
74th in Total Offense
9th in the Big Ten in Total Offense

Don’t give me the injury story; I know that Hart and Henne were rarely healthy together.  But they each played in 9 out of 12 games.  DeBord’s refusal to stray from what worked for him in the 90’s is a big reason Carr was more or less forced out at Michigan.  In a year where the Big Ten was exposed as a mediocre league, for Michigan to be 9th in total offense tells you all you need to know about DeBord (that and his 12-34 record as head coach of Central Michigan).

Defensive Line, Linebackers, Secondary, and Defensive Coordinator:

Kevin Cosgrove, Phil Emassian, Bill Busch, Buddy Wyatt- University of Nebraska

49, 40, 41, 45, 36, 76, 31, 65.  No these aren’t the ages of the women I’ve had relations with; lord knows I draw the line at 75.  No my friends, these numbers are the scores the Nebraska defense has let up this year.  This Defense gave up 232 yards/game on the ground and 38 rushing touchdowns, and the pass defense was only slightly better (not ranking in the top half of the country).  The best part about Nebraska’s website is that the coaches’ phone numbers are listed.  So if you’d like to congratulate the mastermind behind Nebraska’s worst defense in its entire history, call Defensive Coordinator Kevin Cosgrove at (402) 472-3116.  Be sure to ask for the guy who’s putting his stuff in boxes.

Head Coach:

Charlie “The Hamburgler” Weis
Losses to Navy and Air Force
38-0 losses to USC and Michigan
QB Transfers mid-season
Stomach stapled due to lack of self-control/addiction to hot pockets
Most losses in Notre Dame History
Contract through 2015

All of the previous coaches I’ve mentioned have either been fired, or are on their way out the door.  Mr. Weis however, is going nowhere.  With his contract firmly in place, the worst head coach in college football this year will be sporting Notre Dame colors for years to come.  I won’t go on about is troubles, but not because they’ve already been said; no I won’t cut the wound deeper because this guy really wants me to leave him alone:

-Violent J

Popularity: 1% [?]