Dontrelle Willis and Miguel Cabrera to the Tigers for Andrew Miller and Cameron Maybin……yawn. Red Sox and Yankees battling over the premier lefthander in the game…..wake me up when it’s over. Kenny Williams still acting like his off-season plan hasn’t completely blown up in his face….somewhat entertaining, but not what I am looking for. No my friends, the real action taking place in baseball this winter is coming from cities that you wouldn’t expect. Growing up in Detroit, where signing Craig Paquette to a two year deal was considered a solid off-season, I know how a couple free agency moves under the radar can help a team. Without Paquette in 2002, the Tigers probably would’ve only won 53 games instead of the 55 they ended up getting. So take a hike Torii Hunter and Andruw Jones, let’s see what’s happening to the real movers and shakers of Baseball.
Pittsburgh Pirates (68-94 6th Place NL Central)
General Manager: Neal Huntington
Off Season Moves:
Claimed INF Josh Wilson and RHP Ty Taubenheim
Offered 3 years/ 25 Grilled Cheese Sandwiches deal
Huntington has been trying to unload Jason Bay for the poo-poo platter that is Cliff Lee, Kelly Shoppach and Franklin Gutierrez in Cleveland, but with those talks’ dead it looks like Pittsburgh will be making very few moves this winter. But don’t worry Pirates’ fans, your management has already contacted/shown interest in LHP Brett Tomko (4-12, 5.55 ERA), RHP Matt Clement (last seen grabbing injured shoulder) and presumably the homeless guy sitting outside my apartment (good late life on fastball).
Kansas City Royals (69-93 5th Place AL Central)
General Manager: Dayton Moore
Off Season Moves
Claimed Colby Lewis off waivers
Signed Japanese relief pitcher Yasuhiko Yabuta
Signed Outfielder Jose Guillen
Wait…they think this guy was on steroids?
Who wouldn’t want a 32-year-old outfielder who has never hit 30 HR’s, had over 100 RBI’s once in an 11 year career, and allegedly had a $19,000 steroid and HGH bill between 2002-2005? Hell, for a player like that who wouldn’t shell out 36 million over three years? Who cares that ESPN is reporting he’ll be suspended for 10-15 games to start the season because of the banned substances. Who cares that there’s a reason he’s played for nine teams from 1997-2008 and that Mike Scosia kicked him off the Angels? The important thing is that Buck-Guillen-Gordon will be driving fear in to the hearts of AL pitchers for the next 3 years.
Washington Nationals (73-89 4th Place NL East)
General Manager: Jim Bowden
Off Season Moves
Traded for Elijah “Sewer Water””You dead, dawg. I ain’t even [expletive]. Your kids, too.” Dukes
Traded for Lastings “Bend Ya Knees” Milledge
Inquired about the availability of: Latrell Sprewell, Don Imus, Satan, John Rocker, OJ Simpson.
Adding Dukes and Milledge has almost guaranteed that Dmitri Young will be in the Betty Ford Clinic by the All Star break. Washington was suppose to be an awful team last year and they surprised a lot of people by being a tough game day-in-and-day-out for opposing teams. Jim Bowden must think that they were only 1 or 2 bad-teammate/character guys away from making the next step. Mission accomplished Jim.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays (66-96 5th Place AL East)
General Manager: Andrew Freidman
Off Season Moves:
Traded Delmon Young for Matt Garza
Got rid of Elijah Dukes
Signed Troy Percival
Got New Logo
Joe Maddon=Classy
Believe it or not, I think Tampa Bay is having a good off-season. They unloaded a lot of baggage with Young and Dukes which Tampa Bay is better off not having. Signing Percival, who turned 89 last week, showed he can still pitch in the bigs should be a nice compliment to Al Reyes, or vice versa. And the old logo sucked, so any change there is another positive. They have Evan Longoria a major prospect at SS who will be there as early as this year, and David Price their #1 pick last year should move up quickly as well. Pena, Crawford, Kazmir, there are at least some pieces falling into the right places in Tampa Bay. Oh yeah, they play in the same division as New York and Boston, forget I said anything.
I can’t think of a good way to end this article, so here’s a picture of Adriana Lima instead:
Violent J
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