Handicapping the Heisman with Attractive Female Celebrities

By now, I am completely disgusted with any form of Heisman talk. The incessant chatter about who should win, who shouldn’t win because they are only a sophomore, who is a system guy and the like have led me to want to scissor kick the entire game day staff and every ESPN analyst. (More than usual)

So, in the spirit of “creativity,” The Angry T has made the race a little more interesting. We paired up each finalist with the female celebrity that most portrays their character, playing style, etc, and then picked a winner. Take a look:

The Favorites

Tim Tebow – Hayden Penetierre – Just like Hayden, Tim is the new kid on the block. People think that Tim is too young to win and people will probably say the same thing about Hayden. At the same time, talent and numbers don’t lie, and that why Hayden and Tim, are great candidates.

Colt Brennan – Lauren Conrad – Both Lauren and Colt hail from Laguna Beach and live the beach lifestyle. Colt also likes to move around (Colorado, Saddleback CC, Hawaii), just like Lauren when she went from Laguna Beach to wherever the hell “The Hills” is taped, although their reasons were different. (Colt –sexual assault allegations. Lauren- Wanted a fake job on a fake show)

Chase Daniel – Natalie Portman – Chase seems like a pretty down to earth guy from smaller program. You don’t hear about him as much, but he is damn good, just like Natalie Portman. She isn’t on the cover of every tabloid magazine and you aren’t going to see her on TV everyday, but she very attractive and really shows you something when you do see her.

Darren McFadden – Angelina Jolie – McFadden is the showstopper, the odds on favorite to win it since last year’s winner was announced. He didn’t sneak up on anybody this year, but he managed to put up monster numbers. In the same way, you know what you are going to get when you see Jolie, but you are still impressed each time. You can go wrong with either of these two.

Almost…

Dennis Dixon – Britney Spears – Just like Spears, Dixon was going along great and the Heisman was his to win. Then the train just derailed in front of the entire country. The only time difference between their falls is that Dixon fell victim to a freak injury while Spears fell victim to an insatiable lust for coke.

Jake Long – Queen Latifah – Jake and the Queen are both great at what they do. But because Jake is an O-Lineman and because Queen Latifah is not very attractive, neither will be winning this award.

Maybe in a Couple Years…

Michael Crabtree – Hannah Montana – Crabtree had one of the greatest seasons ever for a receiver in college football and he is only a freshman. In the same way, Hannah Montana is selling out shows months in advance. Unfortunately for both, they are simply to young to win this award. Give Crabtree a couple years and give Hannah until her 18th birthday and they will be frontrunners to bring home the gold.

Winner!!

This is the year that youth will be served in the form of Hayden and Tim. The numbers and attractiveness (in Hayden’s case) are too strong to ignore, despite the inevitable underclassman bias. Your winners, the most outstanding player in college football and a hot chick, are Hayden Penetierre and Tim Tebow. (I want you to know that I picked Tebow simply because I wanted to re-post this picture from www.barstoolsports.com and www.sportsburn.com of his alleged girlfriend)

The Angry T

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