Going winless is the new undefeated

There is something special brewing in College Basketball this year, and no I’m not talking about Memphis and Kansas still being undefeated. #1 Memphis (Gonzaga, Tennessee, @ Houston, Conference USA Tournament, NCAA Tourney) and #2 Kansas (@ Texas, @ Texas A&M, @ Kansas State, Big XII Tournament, NCAA Tourney) still have a long way to go before we consider them legitimate challengers to the 1976 Indiana Hoosiers.  On the other end of the spectrum however, a legitimate contender has emerged in Newark, New Jersey.
                                                                                                                     
The New Jersey Institute of Technology Highlanders are currently 0-20 in the prestigious category of Division 1 independents.  This group of teams features perennial powerhouses such as Presbyterian, Utah Valley State, and the only D1 Independent with a winning record, Texas Pan American.  With 9 games remaining, NJIT is risking being just the 3rd D1 team in the last 53 years to go winless in a season (91-92 Prairie View, 04-05 Savannah State).  And if you compare the Highlanders to the 04-05 Savannah State winless team, you can’t feel good about NJIT’s chances of pulling off a win this year

91-92 Savannah State 0-28                                   NJIT  0-20
Average Score: 81-58 (Margin: 23)                        Average Score: 76-53 (Margin: 23)
Losses by 20 or more-17                                                 Losses by 20 or more- 12
Losses by 10 or less-3                                                     Losses by 10 or less-4

There are a few troubling statistics that the NJIT faithful (I am referring to the 207 fans that went to the NJIT-Columbia game two Saturdays ago).  One would be their assist to turnover ratio per game (9:21).  Another is the 35 FG% and 29 3PT% they shoot every game.  This seems to be one of the rare occasions where only having 2 seniors on the roster is a bad thing.  NJIT is simply not very talented.  But I must say that I am rooting for them.  So, for the  4-18 Longwood squad heading into the rocking Fleisher Athletic Center, here are a few suggestions for NJIT Coach Jim Casciano.

1.  Purchase a whole lot of Flubber

You should see what this stuff did for Medfield College!  Imagine if NJIT scoring machine (11 ppg) Nesho Milosevic got his Eastern European hands on this flubber stuff.  I could see him leading the team with at least 14 points per game. 

2.  Recruit the hell out of Teen Wolf

I could be wrong, but to my knowledge this high school superstar has yet to verbally commit to anyone.  If you can handle his arrogance, selfish play, and pretending he’s surfing on the top of a van, then he could definitely help NJIT when they host Loyola (MD).

3.  Steroids and Coke…..a double-double entendre
 

0-20 means your down on your luck, but hey, I’ve been down on my luck plenty of times.  Injuries, tough losses, dead hookers, it happens to the best of us.  Every problem I’ve ever encountered could have been solved with steroids and coke.  Can’t score enough?  Steroids.  Starting the second half a little slow?  Coke.  Inability to pleasure a women?  Both.  You are in New Jersey for Christ sake, it shouldn’t be too hard to find either.

4.  Get Ted Valentine to ref all of your games

I don’t know how he’s going to do it.  I don’t know why he’s going to do it.  But I do know that if you have Ted Valentine officiating your last 9 games he will blow one of them in your favor.  Perhaps it will be one of his games where he only calls offensive fouls so he can sprint 20 feet in the other direction before making the call.  Or maybe it’ll be a day where he gives out a technical foul because they only have fruit punch flavored Gatorade instead of his preferred Riptide Rush.  Regardless, give Teddy a call.  And if he doesn’t answer, feel free to talk to Ed Hightower, they’re basically the same guy.

5.  Stop Playing Division 1 Basketball

Who are you kidding?  You won 5 games last year, you haven’t won any this year.  Maybe the jump to Division 1 basketball was a little premature.  And what exactly is the point of being a D1 Independent?  How are you planning to make the tournament?  You can’t even be one of the Cinderella teams that win their conference tournament and gets to go dancing.  In the words of my good friend Dan Hawkins, “Go play intramurals brother.”

-Violent J

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