10 Jersey Shore Premiere House Party Must-Haves

The world of fake tans, grenades, fake boobs, mixed drinks, fist pumps and dance music returns Thursday (10 p.m. EST) as those legendary Jersey Shore kids make their Season Two debut on MTV.

Because this craze hasn’t run its course, millions of bored teens who dream of making money from partying will tune in for the action. And then there are the ultra fans who’ll take their fascination to the next level by holding Jersey Shore parties.

Listen up, wannabe guidos. Here are “10 Jersey Shore Premiere House Party Must-Haves” that are sure to make your friends jealous of how genius you are.

1. Catered dinner from The Olive Garden

I mean, let’s face it. You’re having a “Jersey Shore” premiere party. You already make horrible decisions. Might as well extend it to your dining choices as well.

2. Party favors in the form of spray tanning kits

Because this is a good look.

3. Nigel Dumas and Khayri Williams-Clark

One thing you don’t need is some douche bag Guidos ruining your good time. You think Ronnie knows how to fight? These Jersey cats really know how to finish the job.

4. Copious amounts of gel and hairspray

At your party, it’s going to be go big or go home. Have the hair product ready for both sexes. And just think, all the unwanted smokers will inadvertently set themselves on fire. Charles Darwin knew this day would come.

5. The morning-after pill

I can’t condone its usage morally, but I pride myself on being pragmatic. If you’re having a “Jersey Shore” premiere party, we want absolutely no reproduction stemming from it. Tell your parents I said they’re welcome.

6. Gold chains

And by gold, I really mean fake gold. You know, fake, like your boobs and your personality.

7. Hello, My Name Is stickers with cool Jersey Shore nicknames

Call the New Jersey chapter of the American Association of Mental Retardation and ask for a patient named Rocco. See if he will name your party attendees. If not, there are tons of Jersey Shore nickname generators on the Web, including an iTunes app.

8. Animal-print outfits

Your fake tan-sprayed boobs will look exceedingly sexy in your leopard-print tube top. Just kidding. You’ll look stupid. But we will still look at your boobs. Cool?

9. An anatomically correct statue of The Situation

Because even non-“Jersey Shore” watchers have heard of The Situation. How pimp is that name? The Situation. You know that dude has a gargantuan penis. Wait? It doesn’t mean that? Oh.

10. Body wash and loofah

So when it’s all over, you can scrub the gay off you.

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