30 Songs for 30 Teams

Neil Diamond, whose song “Sweet Caroline,” has become a favorite among Red Sox fans, will perform a concert at a Fenway Park this summer.  Sox fans must be pumped that the singer of their new anthem will be coming to Fenway, so they can get “wicked pissed” or whatever they do, and listen to Neil belt out “Sweet Caroline.”  The Red Sox have their anthem, but many other teams do not.  Let’s put some songs together for a all of baseball’s teams that signify their make up and performance through the first week of the season. (Even if you hate this article, listening to all 30 of these songs will get you through half a work day…you are welcome)

AL East –

Toronto Blue Jays – Outside (Looking In) – Staind – They will be on the outside of the playoff race, looking in, as they have been for the better part of 15 years.

New York Yankees – Breaking Up is Hard to Do – Neil Sadaka – A-Rod tried to break up with the Yankees, but Neil said it best.

Baltimore Orioles – You’re Unbelievable – EMF – Not many people expected a 5-1 start out of this team

Tampa Bay Rays – All Eyez on Me – After their spread in Sports Illustrated that highlighted the Rays young talent, baseball pundits are expecting the team to better their 66-96 record in 07’.

AL Central

Detroit Tigers – Can’t Buy Me Love – The Beatles – 138 million dollar payroll, 1 win

Minnesota Twins – Hangin’ Around – Counting Crows – They will hang around, just like they do everywhere, despite a tiny payroll, and contend for the division title.

Kansas City Royals – Winds of Change – Scorpions – I love 80’s rock, and I love the Scorpions and luckily, this kind of relates to the Royals because it seems that winds of change might be sweeping into the gateway to the west.

Chicago White Sox – Redneck Woman – Gretchen Wilson – Have you ever seen the talent at a White Sox game? If so, you know why this song is perfect for the Sox.

Cleveland Indians – Captain Planet Theme Song – They don’t have any huge superstars (except Sabathia, who fits in the “huge” and “superstar” categories) but with their powers combined, they are one of the best teams in the league.  By the way, when they put their rings together, they summon Joe Borowski and his mid 5 ERA.

AL West –

Oakland A’s -  Been Around the World – Puff Daddy feat Mace – In reference to their Japanese escapades.

LA Angels – Leader of the Pack – The Shangri Las – The A’s don’t impress me and the Mariners don’t strike me as a playoff team.  So the Angles will remain on top of the division if they don’t fall on their face.

Texas  Rangers–  I Can’t Win – The Strokes – Pretty self explanatory

Seattle Mariners  - Here’s A Quarter – Travis Tritt – Sorry Mariners fans, even with Bedard, there are nine  people outside the state of Washington that care about the Mariners. (Even though I secretly love J.J. Putz soul patch)

NL East

Florida Marlins – Money, Money Money – Ted DiBiase – Until they have some of the green stuff again, they won’t be back in the playoffs.

Washington Nationals – I’m Still Here – Goo Goo Dolls – This song will let the fans know that opening day, is, like it sounds, the first game of the season, rather than the last, or only game of the season.  Someone didn’t get the memo, because their attendance was 20,400 or 49 percent full, in their second home game.

Atlanta – Same Old Song Four Tops – They will contend as they have for the last 15 years. This song also hits because Bobby Cox is, as the Four Tops croon, “as sweet as a honeybee.”

NY Mets – Til’ I Collapse – Eminem feat. Nate Dogg – I think you can figure this one out, especially considering their September in 2007.

Philadelphia – WWE Superstar MVP’s Entrance Music – They have the last two reigning MVP’s in Jimmy Rollins and Ryan Howard.  With Chase Utley, and Pat Burrell swinging the bat like he is currently, they have a great shot at going back to the playoff in 08’.

NL Central

Chicago Cubs – 100 Years – Five for Fighting – 100 years of losing…that has to be hard to swallow for the 15 non-drunk, non-pink Cub hat wearing people at Wrigley Field.

Pittsburgh Pirates – Next Year – Jamie Cullum – Ignore the Gilmore Girls video, the music makes perfect sense for the team.

Milwaukee Brewers – Hungry Like the Wolf – Duran Duran – They lost the division in the season’s last month to the Chicago Cubs in 07’, now they have started off a red hot 6-1 in an effort to close the deal this season.

Cincinnati Reds – Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking for – U2 – I don’t think Dusty Baker is the one piece that they were looking for to get them over the hump.  I don’t think Bronson Arroyo’s near 6 ERA is what they were looking for either.

St. Louis Cardinals – I Need a Hero – Bonnie Tyler – If Pujols doesn’t hit around 214 home runs this year, I don’t see how this team finishes over .500

Houston Astros – White Houses – Vanessa Carlton – This is simply a great song, and I don’t have much to say about the Astros. Sure they can hit, but their pitching is suspect…blah, blah,blah, just listen to the song.

NL West

Arizona Diamondbacks – See You In September – The Tempos – If they can find a little offense, their pitching should carry them to the post season.

Los Angeles Dodgers – Going Back to Cali – Notorious B.I.G.- Joe Torre, like his New York buddy is jet setting to Cali, and just like BIG, he loves gunplay, and models on the runway screaming “Joe Torre give me one more chance.”

San Diego Padres – Last Dance – Donna Summer – This could be the last go around for Maddux and Hoffman, so they better make it count.

San Francisco Giants – 99 Problems  - Jay Z – They will be lucky if they don’t eclipse 99 losses.

Colorado Rockies – Some Guys Have All the Luck – Rod Stewart – Let’s see if they can catch lightning in a bottle two years in a row.
The Angry T

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