Allen Iverson traded to Beacontown Beavers for Scott Norton a.k.a “Teen Wolf”
Cheeks believes wolf is “better fit” at point

Can somebody please trade for Allen Iverson? This is situation has rocketed past joke, past conundrum, and is heading straight towards catastrophe.  I am not an NBA GM, but if I keep telling people that I have to trade Allen Iverson, and then I keep waiting and waiting, doesn’t that weaken my bargaining position?  At this point, I am thinking of entering the Allen Iverson sweepstakes.  I have a pack of brand new tube-socks and the Apple IIe that I am currently typing on.  Apparently, Philadelphia can’t get the deal they want or they would have already traded him. Hopefully Billy King is starting to realize that he is probably not going to get full market value for AI.  In fact, he is probably going to get an offer similar to my tube sock deal. All the other teams have the 76ers over a barrel.  They have to trade AI—it’s not like they have another option.  The most hilarious part of this entire situation is how terrible the 76ers are without him. 

This Kyle Korver-led group of misfits could very well be the worst group of players ever assembled. This is a Bad News Bears-esque cavalcade of one-dimensional bums without Walter Mathau or an inevitable story-book ending and “Let them play” chant.  No, this situation will end poorly for the Sixers and Billy King, who is a stiff competitor for Matt Millen for the ESPY given to the most deserving firing/tar/feathering/shovel to the testicles of 2006. To be honest, this team is pretty awful even with AI. They have lost 11 in a row, 6 without Iverson, 14 out of their last 15, and 20 out of their last 22.  To call that streak terrible is to disparage the word “terrible.”

I love how the media and Billy King are saying that “It just didn’t work out with AI in Philadelphia.”  That may be true you clown, but look who you surrounded him with. It’s no accident that it didn’t work out, it’s because you are an awful GM.  Just look at the roster. Samuel Dalembert plays with oven mitts on.  I am not even sure he has fingers.  It is mind-boggling that a player can be in the NBA for 5 years and not learn a single post move.  How about a drop step? Maybe a baby hook?  I can honestly teach you a baby hook in one afternoon, Samuel. Go to Pete Newell Big Man Camp over the summer for Christ sake.  But don’t worry Sam, Kyle Korver is here to pick up the slack for you.  I understand he is a fantastic shooter, but how about the fact that he is useless—and I do mean useless—in every other facet of the game. How is this type of player ever going to bring this team over the top? It would be great if he were a role player who could come in just to knock down a few shots, but that bum plays 31 minutes a game.  Who the hell is he guarding for those 31 minutes? I won’t even make the Ashton Kutcher reference because Kutcher flat out plays better D.  And what can you even say about Chris Webber?  Pretty decent player in NBA Jam, Billy, but this is real life pal.  Patrick Ewing as a Seattle Supersonic thinks this guy has lost a step.  Again, he would be great coming off the bench, providing scoring and rebounding, but he plays 31 minutes a game as well.  What the hell would happen if both Korver and Webber were on the floor at the same time?  The nets would burst into flames and the scoreboard would explode because the numbers don’t go over 200 and Webber and Korver give up 188 between them.   Maybe this is why the 76ers have the 2nd worst point differential in the league, behind the other place that Allen Iverson refuses to play, Charlotte. But don’t worry AI, Billy King has also given you Kevin Ollie, Steven Hunter and Willie Green.  I have checked each and every fantasy roster in America, and none of those players showed up. Andre Iguodala has the chance to be a great player, but he is not a viable second option at 22 years old.

A very quick look at the personnel around AI shows that the people who are saying, “It just didn’t work out,” are dirty, dirty liars.  That statement implies that management actually gave it a chance to succeed.  That’s like having Charlie Weis take care of your dog while you go on vacation.  Of course he is going to eat the dog; it’s just second nature for such a hungry man.  Both situations, AI in Philly and Weis with your dog, were doomed to fail before they even began.  So go ahead Billy King, swallow your pride and make the trade.  I am upping my offer to include a pack of cigarettes.  Think about it pal.

The Angry T

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