Neil Reed Demands His Comeuppance

Well, fantastic, Bob Knight is going to break ol’ Dean Smith’s record for most wins all-time in NCAA basketball. Well, let me tell you who is not excited about this. Yours truly, Neil Reed. If you remember correctly, that son of a bitch Knight choked the shit out of me in 1997. I am still kind of pissed about that, although no one else seems to be. You remember that little incident this year where Knight quasi-slapped a Texas Tech Forward Michael Prince on the chin to get his attention. Well, that was similar to what he did to me, except instead of quasi-slapping me; he choked the shit out of me. Sure he wins basketball games and there is no doubt he is a Hall of Fame coach, but what about Neil Reed? I have had lingering neck problems since that incident. I can’t go to fireworks shows on July 4th because I can’t look up. I can’t go to sporting events because I can’t turn my neck and look at different parts of the court or field. I can really only focus on one basketball net when I watch a game, so I stare at an un-used basket when the teams are at the other end. I used to love bird watching, no more my friends, I can hardly look up in the trees. Everyone knows the rare yellow warbler is only found in the upper branches, so what can I do…what can Neil Reed do?

Scouts say I could have played in Europe, but I lost so much court vision with my neck mobility problems that am relegated to playing 17 years olds at the Y for 10 dollars a game. It’s pathetic and it is all because of that Bob Knight. The "General’ they call him. That’s a coincidence, because I need a general anesthetic daily because that jerk-off choked me. Don’t buy into the hype. And before you say, "You little pussy, that man is 75 years old, how much could it have really hurt?" First, he has old-man strength, which is second only to retard strength in terms of brute force. Second, this man knew what he was doing, he has choked before and goddamn it he will choke again unless people like me stand up to him. This is Neil Reed’s time to air his grievances; it is festivus season after all. So root for Bob Knight only if you are an advocate of choking young kids. Sick bastards.

Neil Reed

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