Pac 10 Football Preview Angry T- Style

The Pac-10 is the next conference up on The AngryT’s preseason college football preview.  And with mascots like Beavers, Trojans and Cougars, this should be the sexiest preview yet.

Don’t worry, ladies.  There’s even some eye candy for you.

The All-SPF 40 Team

This special honor is reserved for pasty players that throw caution to the wind and brave the sweltering conditions of summer.  One would think that with the weather, the sandy beaches and the absurd number of hot girls to impress that poor complexions would be few and far between.  To my surprise, one would be wrong by thinking that.  This team features representatives from five different schools, a testament to the West Coast’s deep pool of pale talent.

First Row: Adam Hineline (Wazzou), Carson York (Oregon), Garth Gerhart (ASU)

Second Row:  Matt Bentler (Stanford), Mitchel Hunt (Oregon State)

The All-Pencil Neck Team

No AngryT conference preview would be complete without the Internet’s largest ego boost, The All-Pencil Neck Team.  Do the following gentlemen pull more tail than you?  By virtue of playing D-I football, probably.  Will they lead more successful lives?  Most likely.  But most importantly, could the average AngryT reader beat them up?  If their opponents can’t use their graphing calculators as weapons, then yes.  Bravo to Oregon State’s impressive geek squad.

First Row:  Billy O’Malley (USC), Danny Sullivan (ASU), Kevin Ivkovich (ASU)

Second Row:  Jason Kahut, Mike Lamb, Shawn McGarity (Oregon State)

The Brock Lesnar All-Stars

When these boys nail down a perfect form tackle in a conference game at Autzen Stadium, they’ll imagine it’s a spear in a Tables-Ladders-and-Chairs Match at SummerSlam.  Why?  Because they know their future glory will be earned as Intercontinental Champion, not All-Pro linebacker.

First Row:  Suaesi “Smash Holly” Tuimaunei (Oregon State), Johnnie “Iron” Kirton (Washington), Matt “The Musketeer” Culver (UCLA)

Second Row: The Tag Team of Oregon’s John Bacon and Mark Lewis (Finishing move: The BroHawk), Travis “Goldilocks” Goethel

Lookalikes

Brennan Olander (Oregon State) and Roseanne

Donald Butler (Washington) and Keenan Thompson

Andre Crenshaw (Oregon) and Alfonso Ribeiro

Jim Dray (Stanford) and Jim Gray

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Oregon State’s Will Darkins got his shiner by saying his last name in public.

One would think the world’s foremost adult film cameraman would be going to school closer to Hollywood.

All William Taylor wants to do is race, daddy.

A week after making a pretty terrible Home Improvement joke, I ran into the Toolman himself.

Nasty Nate

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