Rudi Johnson Gets Welcomed to the Lions Family

Of course, the Detroit Lions signing of former All-Pro Rudi Johnson couldn’t simply go smoothly.  As per usual, the sitcom that is the Detroit Lions football team continues to impress. If correct grammar is any indication of guilt, then someone better throw the cuffs on Tatum Bell:

“I ain’t no thief,” Bell told the Free Press in a phone interview. “I ain’t never been one, and I ain’t never going to be one. It was all a misunderstanding.

“You can ask anybody I played with for all my years or anybody that know me, man. They know I ain’t never stolen nothing from nobody or had those kind of intentions.”

Well, I am convinced.  If only we had video of the perpetrator stealing the bags.  What’s that? We do have video of the perpetrator stealing the bags?

But later Tuesday afternoon, Lions director of security Ricky Sandoval showed Johnson a surveillance video of Bell taking the bags. How did Bell look?

“Suspect,” Johnson said.

Was he wearing a ski mask?

“He might as well,” Johnson said.

For his part, Rudi is taking this fairly well, almost like he has no clue this snag will be the first in a series of unfortunate events that will land him in a padded cell with a tattoo of William Clay Ford on his forehead:

The bags were at a woman’s house, and the woman brought them to Lions headquarters – empty. Johnson said he canceled his credit cards.

Johnson joked about it:

“I got the bags back empty,” he said. “So he got a bunch of my underclothes. What he’s going to do with that, I don’t know. …

“All this happened once he got released,” Johnson said Wednesday as he came off the practice field. “He came here to get some stuff out of his locker. That’s when he scooped the bags up. Some real shyster, conniving stuff, man.”

I wonder he is was referring to this type of Shyster:

“He left the money clip, but he didn’t leave no money in it. He should have took the clip, too. …

“If anybody’s got some Perry Ellis boxers for sale, you know where they came from.”

I’m sorry, I missed the last few sentences, I was buying a pair of slightly used size 34 Perry Ellis boxer briefs off EBay.

Johnson spoke to Bell afterward. Bell told him it was a mix-up.

“I wasn’t even trying to hear all that,” Johnson said. “I didn’t believe nothing he said.”

Johnson called the incident an “all-time classic” but said he would not press charges.

An “all-time classic?” That pretty much sums up the Detroit Lions franchise on the whole. To cap it off, Rudi had this to say, in an earlier interview with Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press, about how quickly he could acclamate himself to the Lions offense :

“I’m looking forward to it,” Johnson said, adding, “I got the next six or seven months to put my focus into that.”

Somebody should tell Johnson the Lions’ season is only four months — it just feels like six or seven.

This team could be dangerous in March with Rudi up to speed.  It looks like he is fitting in just fine in Detroit.

The Angry T

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