You must hand it to the people of Wisconsin.

They know how to use their woodworking skills…to create toys where Aaron Rodgers is behind a Brett Favre painted character doing this.

“Favre concedes the inevitable,” reports the video poster.

We must hand it to Packer fan for wasting hours of their life to come up with such ingenious contraptions.

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UPDATE: Our friends at Busted Coverage are giving away two tickets to the Packers-Vikings game for FREE! (2) tickets for your sappy, funny or inspiring story of why you need these tickets. Awesome deal!

In case you didn’t get the news, Brett Favre will face his old team Monday night, Oct. 5.

Yeah, it’s supposed to be a big deal. ESPN hasn’t really gone out of its way, yet, to shove this game down your throat. That’s what all day Monday will be for.

But Packers fan is getting ready for hate week. They’ve been busy buying shirts and modifying jerseys that show off their anger for the guy who used to be their Golden Boy.

Hence, “15 Best Brett Favre Hatred Shirts For Vikings-Packers Hate Week.”

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I haven’t seen a leak this big coming out of the NFL since Georgia Frontiere on one of her heavy days (rimshot).  First reports came out about secret calls between Brett Farve and Matt Millen about how to stop the Green Bay offense.  Obviously Millen’s 31-84 record clearly shows that not only did he talk with Favre he also had secret conversations with absolutely nobody else.  Now today we have found out that Terrell Suggs and the vaunted Ravens D had placed “bounties” on Pittsburgh Steelers Hines Ward and Rashard Mendenhall.  This seedy underbelly of the NFL is quite intriguing to the public.  We long for stories that remind us that Playmakers was 100% real and the guy from Wild and Crazy Kids did tons of coke.  Luckily for you, I have my own sources on the inside with other, never heard before rumors.  While my source could very well be my overactive imagination, I have far too much journalistic integrity to give my source up.

Matt Millen is planning on writing a book called, “I didn’t Kill the Lions franchise, but if I did, this is how I would have done it”

“I thought I did that?”
- Joey Harrington

“ I just wet my pants!”
- William Clay Ford Sr.

“ ****! I loved every page of it”
– New York Jet Quarterback Brett Favre

Giselle Convinced Tom Brady that She could perform his knee Surgery, which led to multiple complications

Brady’s defended his decision by saying, “Dude, have you seen how hot this chick is?” Touche Tom, touche.

Al Davis is Attempting a Real Life Version of “The Producers”

Al Davis, despite being crazy, is also a man with a ton of pride.  He refuses to quit the job of managing partner, but as a 86 year old man, he wants nothing more than to retire, play golf, and yell at children to get off his lawn.  So, in an attempt to get fired, he has created the second worse situation in professional football, (thanks Lions) with no forseeable way to get better. His cou de gras will be to rehire Lane Kiffen, Billy Martin style, and fire him again three games later, crippling the teams morale and securing the second pick in the draft.  Then, and only then, will he draft Tony Mandarich with the second pick, and then promptly sign him to a 13 year player / coach contract.

Larry Johnson suspension is actually for spitting in the Gatorade cooler

Johnson, who many think has a “disrespecting women” problem”, is actually using this as a cover for his suspensions.  The real reason LJ is being suspended is for his fetish with spitting in the Gatorade cooler.  “I’m a sick guy” Johnson shrugged.

Mike Nolan only wore Suits to Mask his Inability to Coach

“You got me,” said Nolan.  “I have absolutely no ability to coach. I tried to wear a suit in an attempt to look like Vince Lombardi, but it turns out that his power didn’t actually come from the suit, he was actually a smart man, unlike me.” Nolan even hired Mike Matrz to cover up for the fact that he had no clue about X’s and O’s.  Unfortunately, Martz brain was turned into applesauce over the last two year after working with Matt Millen.  Martz is found most night in the training room, drawing non-sense on a chalkboard and prattling on endlessly about  Az-Zahir Hakim.

Nolan’s ability to wear a suit should suit him well in his next gig as a celebrity guest at weddings.  He is also available to Bar Mitzvah’s or to pick you up from the airport.
Peyton Manning’s Tough Start is not because of the knee Surgery but because he was unable to draft himself in his fantasy league.

Peyton was like “dude I am not going to let ‘Kris’s Kickers’beat me this week.”  An unnamed source I made up told me.  The source also confirmed that Manning threw the Packers game because “Marshawn Lynch is on a bye week and Fred Taylor hasn’t done shit for me in my flex position.”

in that same vein…

Clinton Portis is having a great season only because you refused to draft him in the first round of your fantasy draft.

Miffed by the fact that many fantasy owners refused to draft him in the first round of there fantasy draft, Clinton Portis decided to have the best season of his career.  “I’ve never really had any motivation to try and succeed,” said the seven year pro, “but then I heard that people were passing me up in their fantasy drafts because I wasn’t durable and I outright refused to put two games together and I got pissed.” Portis follows in the footsteps of a long line of athletes that refuse to be motivated by pride or a sense of self worth and instead can only be driven by the doubters. “I am really driven by the doubters,” said Portis.  “I am sure I could motivate myself because I make five million a year, but to be honest, that really doesnt work for me or any other athlete I’ve ever met except the successful ones.”

Saints-Chargers game only played in England after deal with Myanmar fell through at the last minute

Once the NFL got word that the Military Junta of Myanmar would only allow a game on their soil if they were allowed to coach special teams, The NFL headed back to Europe, but not before they traded Chargers Kicker Nate Kaeding to Myanmar for General Ne Win and 5 child slaves.

-Violent J

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Breaking news here at TheAngryT headquarters.  This information is not up on ESPN, Yahoo Sports or Deadspin, that is how exclusive it is.  I obtained my information from a very reliable source on YouTube:

That’s right Packers fans, I friend of a friend of a random stranger who posted on You Tube has confirmed it.  Now before you go telling me that my source is unreliable let me tell you a little bit about my source “hadrace”.

1. His friend has a friend who is maybe practically Brett Favre’s best friend.
2. Even though he misspelled Favre’s name on his breaking story, he quickly admitted his mistake.
3. He is the proud owner of World of Warcraft Battle Chest, where he is a Tauren Druid from the realm of Arthes
4. He has Nerf Gun fights and is a master of the Rubik Cube
5. He might be in middle school.

 

So go ahead and don’t believe me or hadrace aka “The Chris Mortensen of You Tube.”  But when all of the big names start telling you that Brett Favre got traded to Tampa for Brian Griese and a draft pick remember who told you first.  Now if you need me I will be attacking the hobgoblins that control the chalice of destiny with my badass friend hadrace.

-Violent J

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It looks as if some of Charles Barkley’s political aspirations have rubbed off on one of his former running mates. Kevin Johnson has decided to run for mayor of Sacramento. Stealing a line from Owen Hart (RIP), Kevin has decided that enough is enough, and it is time for a change. 

Kevin isn’t the first athlete to venture into the world of politics. Steve Largent, Jesse Ventura, Lynn Swann, J.C. Watts, Tom Osborne, Jack Kemp  and Bill Bradley, just to name a few, have made their mark, in one way shape of form, on the world of politics.  But those are the names of the past.  At The Angry T, we look to the future, our business is prognostications.  Let’s take a look at some athletes that should get into politics and exactly where they should run.

Andre Rison – President…of Venezuela – Andre owes around $100,000 in child support to two different women.  In 2006, a Michigan judge ordered that Rison’s pention be garnered to start paying down that debt.  The solution to this problem is for Andre to move to Venezuela, a country that does not extradite United State criminals back to the States for trial. Plus, president isn’t a bad gig, and I guarantee that no one you’re running against has 10,000 career receiving yards.

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Wayne Gretzky – Prime Minister of the Cayman Islands –  Many people are unaware that the Cayman Islands are hot bed of hockey enthusiasm.  This would be a great country for Wayne to set up his political shop because, as all gamblers know, all the big online sports betting sites are based out of the Cayman Islands, and as sports fans know, Wayne likes to place a wager every now and then.  Oh, I am sorry Wayne, that was your wife, you didn’t place any wagers at all.  You know you have found a keeper when you wife is willing to take the fall for you in a federal investigation.

Brett Favre – President of the United States – Let’s say that Brett Favre entered the presidential race tomorrow, Thursday March 5th.  Would you bet against him winning the nomination, regardless of the party for which he chooses to run? I wouldn’t, I can tell you that.  In fact, I think his presidential aspirations are at least half the reason he retired.  Look for that announcement later this week.

Art Modell – Mayor of Cleveland – Sure he moved the team to Baltimore, but a lot of people forget all the good things he did in Cleveland.  Remember  when he fired Paul Brown? How about when they won the 1964 NFL Championship the following season, that Paul Brown firing looked pretty good after that (Even though they didn’t win another league championship for 30 years).  Do you know who remembers that great decision to the teams’ namesake? Old people, and old people are the only people who vote. Modell would win in a landslide.

Shaquille O’ Neal – Mayor of Sacramento – Let’s make this an all athlete race for the mayor’s seat.  Even though Shaq has made it clear that he is not a Sacramento fan, its so hard not to love this guy that he will probably win anyway.

Dennis Rodman – Mayor of Las Vegas – Las Vegas is already considered an adults’ playground.  But can you imagine how wild things would get if Dennis became Mayor.  I imagine Mad Max meets Escape from L.A. meets Pretty Woman but instead of the nice hooker in that movie, these hookers are dirty, money hungry and ridden with medieval diseases like smallpox, the plague and a particularly vicious strain of genital warts.

Kurt Russell will be involved in some way:

Richard Jefferson – Governor of Massachusetts  - I am in no way suggesting that Richard Jefferson is the gay New Jersey Net. What I am suggesting is that Richard Jefferson would be tolerant, just like the State of Massachusetts (the only state to allow gay marriage), because he may have played with a homosexual.  Even if Jefferson was gay, there would be nothing wrong with that, right Kramer?

I flirted with adding David Wesley as a candidate for president of Germany, so he could manage the AutoBahn, but at the last second, I thought it might be too soon.

The Angry T

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BRETT FAVRE HAS RETIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, you already knew that.  Damn, I’ll have to go with something else.  How about this: Brett has been around for 17 years, which, for a 24 year old like myself, is a long time.  I really don’t remember football before him, although I do remember his terrible predecessor in Green Bay, Don Majkowski, because he played for my terrible Lions. 

A lot has changed in 17 years and not the least of which are the people that we find attractive.  It is unbelievable that we found some of these early to mid 90’s women attractive.  It speaks to Favre’s longevity that he played in a time where Jodie Foster was considered beautiful.  We have put together People’s most beautiful stars over the last 17 years to show you just how much has changed over the course of Brett’s Hall of Fame career.

1990 Cover Girl – Julia Roberts – Julia was fresh off Steel Magnolias and she was looking fine.  This picture really says it all:

1991 Cover Girl – Michelle Pfeiffer – Can you say dime piece? (From the 1990 Movie China House)

 

 

1992 Cover Girl – Jodie Foster – Jodie Foster? Really? Elizabeth Taylor? What? This was flat out a bad year for good looking people.

 

1993 Cover Girl – Cindy Crawford – Mole and all, I still love her.  I am not sure about the chick on the bottom (Catherine Denueve) she may have been put on there by accident.

 

 

1994 Cover Girl – Meg Ryan – Besides the fact that she looks like a longer haired Powder, I agree with the choice. Nice work my Joey Lawrence to pull down a cover shot.

 

1995 Cover Girl – Courtney Cox – Personally, I was a Rachel guy.

 

1996 Cover Girl – Moesha - Although that anti-Semite graces the cover, my girl Moesha makes an appearance in the top right. Great show, I recommend picking up the full-series box set on DVD. If you don’t do it for Mo, at least do it for Mo’Nique.

 

 

1997 Cover  Girls– Drew Barrymore and Toni Braxton – For me, Drew is a close second behind her movie pay E.T., assuming it was a girl, actually, either way. Toni on the other hand, was always fine.

 

1998 Cover Girls –  Gweneth Galtrow and Julia-Louis Dreyfus – I was under the impression that no one found Elaine attractive.  I was shocked to see that in 1998, she passed for attractive.

 

 

1999 Cover Girl – Michelle Pfeiffer – Pfeiffer gets the cover shot again and this time she appears to be made of porcelain or potentially papier-mâché. 

 

 

2000 Cover Girl- Julia Roberts- Julia makes the cover again. She is probably smiling because she knows she will never have to do another movie with Hugh Grant and endure his endless sexual advances despite the fact that he is clearly a homosexual.

 

2001 Cover Girl – Catherine Zeta Jones – I could take a picture of Catherine taking a dump and make her look more attractive.  Hopefully the photographer didn’t get paid for this shot.  Literally, I have had drunk chicks steal my camera, go puke, and then take pictures where half of their friends head is cut off, and they still did a better job than this cameraman.  It’s Catherine Zeta Jones for god’s sake, it is pretty damn easy to make her look good.

 

2002 Cover Girl – Nicole Kidman – She doesn’t do it for me, possibly because of the  “I WILL STEAL YOUR SOUL,” look that she constantly has on her face these days.

 

 

2003 Cover Girl – Halle Berry – She is really hot, no matter the year. Look at the pre-herion Britney Spears at bottom left.

 

 

2004 Cover Girl – Jennifer Anniston – Now we are getting into the real life hot people.  I think I love her a little bit.

2005 Cover Girl – Julia Roberts – This is probably the best shot of her of the three, even though she is 37.  It is amazing what trying NOT to look like a dude can do for you. (See 1990 picture)

2006 Cover Girl – Angelina Jolie – Personally, I think she looks like a plastic fish, not unlike the Billy Bass, but most people think she is god’s gift to titties.

 

 

2007 Cover Girl – Drew Barrymore – I really must be missing something here.  Couldn’t we throw Jessica Alba or Scarlett Johansson on the cover, would that have been so hard? No? Instead you give us this broke down Charlie’s Angel and the girl who has starred in the most recent Hugh Grant movie.  I understand we need to push a new standard of beauty to America’s little girls, but can we are least push a standard where you should be hotter than Drew Barrymore?

 

So there you have it, obviously a lot has changed in 17 years that Favre has been playing football. I salute you Brett, but not as much as I salute the bravery of People magazine for putting Jodie Foster on the cover, and claiming she is beautiful.

The Angry T

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