I’m not sure what it is that draws sports fans to attractive sports anchors and sideline reporters.  Actually I do, every sports fan loves the thought of a hot chick that knows a ton about sports and that’s why Erin Andrews is one of the top searches on the internet.

If you aren’t already acquainted, I’d like you to meet Georgie Thompson, an anchor for Sky Sports.  She is currently dating another TV presenter named Declan Donnelly, but after the several suggestive e-mails that I’ve sent to her in the last few days, I think her “situation” is about to change.

She is really the only thing a American sports highlight show is missing.  There really isn’t one sports anchor that guys find universally attractive.  (Except Scott Van Pelt) Sure you have Andrews and Charissa Thompson, but those lovely ladies are sidelines reporters, at most you get to ogle them for 2 minutes a game.  The anchor can be ogled for a good 10 minutes per hour show.

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As I watched the Lions / Packers game this afternoon, I was treated to the sideline stylings of Charissa Thompson. For those who haven’t seen her, this is probably a must read post. For those who have seen her, this is still probably still at least a probably-should-read post.

There have been many challengers to Erin Andrew’s crown as hottest sideline reporter. In this writers’ humble opinion, all attempts at that crown by other reporters not named Craig Sager, have failed…until know. Charissa can challenge Erin and this post will break down why. Let’s look at the Tale of the Tape in this match-up. We have conveniently broken this match-up into five categories that should decide not only who is the hottest, but also who is the best all around sideline reporter.

Hotness:

Erin Andrews:

Charissa Thompson:

Here’s Charissa showing off the professional attire:

And if these two pictures, the only ones on the internet of Clarissa, aren’t enough for you, let the words of timeless song change your mind:

Edge: This is a tough choice, because after today, I may legitimately love Charissa Thompson. That being said, you cannot deny the attractiveness of Erin and she gets the nod here.

Resume:

Erin Andrews:

Fans of Erin know that she isn’t simply another pretty face. She worked for FSN, the Sunshine Network covering the Tampa Bay Lightning, and Turner Sports covering the Braves before she found a home at ESPN.

Clarissa Thompson:

Clarissa is no slouch either. She is a frequent contributer to the Best Damn Sports Show. She hosts a weekly show for the Colorado Rockies. On Saturdays, she is the sidelines reporter for the Big Ten Network game of the week. On Sunday she’s a sideline reporter for Fox. Quite an impressive resume for Chrissa.

Edge: Erin definitely holds the edge in longevity, but Charissa can boast that she reports on America’s favorite sport, professional football. Since she covers college football, pro football, baseball and John Salley, Charissa takes this category.

Big Interviews:

Erin:

Here’s Erin asking the tough question to a can of Pringles. One of the highlight of her career I am sure:

Also, it don’t get much bigger than getting groped by Bruce Pearl. It’s a dream of mine and Charissa’s

Charissa:

Look how quickly she rattles off this 1977 World Series comment.

Edge: As always, Pringles are the difference. One more in Erin’s column.

Professionalism:

Erin:

She will ask the tough questions, give fantastic analysis from the sideline and when called upon, dance like Ginger Rogers:

Charissa:

Rain nor snow nor dark of night can stop Charissa Thompson from getting drilled with a bunch of snow at the 40 second mark.

Edge:

Due to temperature, inclement weather and all that snow that she got hit with, Charissa takes this catergory.

Scoring Update: The score is tied 2-2 in this death match. Winner takes all in this final category and just like in the real world, the winner is be decided by pure athletic ability:

Athletic Ability:

Erin:

Seeing this type of athletic ability and sporting prowess on video is breathtaking:

Oh, and did I mention that she can dance?

Charissa Thompson:

The only video that speaks to Charissa’s athleticism is that skiing video above, and that video doesn’t speak to highly of that athleticism.

Edge:

The Queen is not dead just yet. Erin takes this category and the overall victory.

Well, Erin has maintained the crown for now, but Charissa is young and relatively new to the game. As more and more people see her on the sidelines on Sundays, we may have another internet sensation on our hands.

The Angry T

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I am getting pretty sick of all of the Erin Andrews coverage.  “Erin Andrews wore a skirt!!!” “Erin Andrews took a bite out of a hot dog!!!”  “Erin Andrews might have said ‘ground balls’ in a dirty way!!!”  Frankly I just don’t get it.  And that is why I was so happy to hear that the other sideline reporters all over the TV dial had gotten together to pose for this upcoming year’s 2008-2009 Sideline Reporter Swimsuit Calendar without little Miss. Prissy-Britches Erin Andrews, who was not invited to partake in the photo shoot.  Finally, the Doris Burke’s and Michele Tafoya’s of the world had their day in the sun.  And wouldn’t you know it; a lot of these more “traditional” sideline reporters were hiding gorgeous bodies behind their pantsuits and blazers.  Take a look for yourself:

 

Miss January: Lisa Salters

 

 

Miss February: Doris Burke – You are a dirty girl Doris.

 

 

Miss March: Suzy Kolber

 

Miss April: Holly Rowe

Miss May: Shelly Smith – It turns out she does have a cute face

Miss June: Michelle Tafoya

Miss July: Lesley Visser

 

Miss August: Pam Ward

 

Miss September: Sam Ryan

 

Miss October: Pam Oliver

 

 

Mister November: Craig Sager – I’ll take a short stack of those Pamcakes.

 

Mister December: Peter Gammons

Unfortunately, Cheryl Miller just missed the calendar with this shot:

Calendars will go on sale in December, with all profits being donated to the Erin Andrews nose job foundation.

-Violent J

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We decided to take a page out of Jimmy Kimmel’s book and do a little Unncessary Censorship  of interview from the sports world.  If you haven’t seen these pieces on the Kimmel show, you are missing out.  Here is a compilation of some of the best clips.  Here is our best effort at being 1/3 as funny as those videos:

Michael Phelps in a dirty interview with a weird interviewer:

Bruce Pearl being Bruce Pearl

Christiano Ronaldo Interview

Sorry Jimmy.

The Angry T

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How about that Erin Andrews huh? She is one attractive lady, there are no two ways about it. But you know how these things go, you’re hot one day, and the next day you’re…well in her case she will still be hot, but there will be another Erin Andrews. (although probably by a different name)

What would the next sideline reporter / internet phenomenon be like?  I think Erin knows her stuff when it comes to sports, so the next Erin would have to be knowledgeable.  Erin worked for FSN and Turner Sports covering the Braves and Hawks before she worked for ESPN, so, a little sports experience would be key characteristic for the next Erin.   Erin has also enjoyed her fair share of longevity.  It has been four years since she joined ESPN and she is still relevant and college coaches still clamor to feel her up.  Finally, Erin is very attractive, which in terms of her star power, might be her most important asset.

It looks as if we have put together four characteristics of the next Erin: Knowledge, Experience, Staying Power, and Hotness. Through strenuous research, I have put together a short list of the candidates to eventually unseat Erin, or simply rule the land of hot sideline reporters beside Erin.  We have given each candidate ascore in our four categories so we can determine our winner:

(Just so you know, I am double-weighting hotness when I give these ladies grades.  Let’s be 200 percent honest, a sideline reporter that becomes a national sensation must be very attractive, so if we are looking for the next Erin, we better make sure she is damn attractive. Also, I tried to find people that weren’t already household names.  Shelley Smith has already had her chance to become a sensation, her time has passed.  You too Holly Rowe…and you Doris Burke)

Ines Sainz – TV Azteca – Ines hosts a sports show on TV Azteca call Dx Tipsy. She is also the former Miss Spain. Here she is interviewing Peyton Manning.

Grades:  (Out of 10)

Knowledge:  5 – Even though she was at the Super Bowl this year, she could probably stand to brush up on her knowledge of American sports.

Experience:  7 – She already hosts a sports show and even though it is in Spanish, it counts for something.

Staying Power: 4- The fact that she speaks Spanish, rather than English, could limit her ability to participate in the big telecasts.  However, very long term, when the entire United States speaks English, she could be a force.  Although, by then she will probably be old and unattractive.

Hotness: 9  x 2– That is a fantastic ass. Period.

Total Score:  34

Molly Querim – ESPN.com

Grades:

Knowledge: 10 – Molly hosts several video casts on ESPN on a number of subjects each week.  Her knowledge is unparalleled  among candidates on this list.

Experience: 7 -  According to this article, Molly has been doing ESPN spots since she was in grad school at Quinnipac.

Staying Power: 8 – With her experience, I don’t see why she can’t have the same staying power as Andrews.

Hotness: 8 x 2

Total Score: 41

Jennifer Hedger:  TSN’s SportsCentre – The video below taken when Jennifer was on the Canadian reality shower The Lofters. (Similar to the Real World, but Canadian)

Knowledge:  8 – Jennifer hosts the Canadian version of SportsCenter, so I would guess that she knows her shit.

Experience: 9 – Jennifer has loads of experience making out with chicks, and as the host of a national sports highlight show.

Staying Power:  9 – She has already been employed by TSN for six years, so staying power has not been a problem thus far.  At 32, she is still is in her prime.

Hotness: 8 x 2 – Another very attractive woman, as the same time, she doesn’t give my lower extremities that special tingle like Ines Sainz does.

Total Score: 42

Charity Hodges – Host of SpeedTV’s Nopi Tunervision, the number #1 show on the SpeedTV (If Charity Hodges isn’t a great porn name, I don’t know what is)

Here she is at work:

Knowledge: 5 – I am sure she knows a lot about racing, but I can’t imagine she is a sports aficionado outside of motorsports.

Experience: 6 – This is her third season hosting this racing show, so she must be doing something right.

Staying Power: 7 – It would take me a significant amount of time for me to get tired of seeing her chesticles.

Hotness: 9 x 2– I am not 100 percent sold on her face, but her body is fantastic, presumably because of a couple of cosmetic enhancements.

Total Score: 36

Jenn Sterger –Was in Playboy, FSU and South Florida Jersey Chaser

Grades:

Knowledge: 5 – She has been to enough games in an attempt to get on television that she probably accrued a little bit of sports knowledge.

Experience: 5 – I have to assume, since she was in playboy, that she has a significant amount of “experience.”

Staying Power: 4 – If she stood next to Lynn Swann or Michele Tafoya while they gave their sideline report, I probably wouldn’t get tired of her.  However, I have a feeling that she would get old very quickly if she had to open her mouth.

Hotness: 10 x 2 – It may be plastic, but it’s fantastic.

Total Grade: 34

Shana Hiatt – Was in Playboy, Host of the World Poker Tour, Poker after Dark, and National Heads Up Poker Championship.

Knowledge- 5 – She probably knows a lot about poker, and everyone likes poker, so she gets a 5.

Experience – 7 –She hosted the World Poker Tour for three years so she won’t embarrass herself when she gets in front of the camera

Staying Power –5 –  Pluses – She has been on the Maxim Top 100 and she hosted that show that I didn’t watch for three years.  Minuses – She is no longer hosting that Poker show I didn’t watch, so maybe she is losing her luster.

Hotness – 9 x2

Final Grade: 35

AND THE WINNER IS….

Based on our grades Jennifer Hedger is the winner, but based on her ass, I am going to nominate Ines Sainz as the next Erin Andrews, even though she doesn’t speak English. 

DAMN.

The Angry T

 

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