Hall of Fame guard Joe Dumars made 22.5 million dollars during his 14 year career with the Detroit Pistons, his hall of fame backcourt mate Isiah Thomas made 16.5 million. Dream Teamers Charles Barkley and Larry Bird pulled in a combined 70 million during their illustrious careers. After this season, Tim Thomas will have pulled in 84 million dollars during a career in which he has averaged 12 points and 4 rebounds over 14 seasons.

That’s the way things go in sports today. Some superstars played before the big payouts came, and some marginal players came at exactly the right time to swoop in and steal millions of dollars for statistics that wouldn’t have earned them 10 million dollars in their career 20 years earlier. Today however, there is an elite group of current players who have earned over 100 million dollars in their career. On the list are current superstars, former superstars playing out their career, and NBA players with really, really good agents. Here is the 100 million dollar or more superstars:

Shaquile O’Neal
252 million

Kevin Garnett
210.1 million

Jason Kidd
145.7 million

Alonzo Mourning
140.2 million

Allen Iverson
132.5 Million

Juwan Howard
131. 2 Million

Stephon Marbury
130.3 Million

Rasheed Wallace
129.3 Million

Kobe Bryant
127.1 Million

Grant Hill
126.0 Million

Tim Duncan
122.0 Million

Ray Allen
120.8 million

Tracy McGrady
115.8 million

Dikembe Mutombo
113.6 million

Michael Finley
109.4 million

Jermaine O’Neal
109 million

Zydrunas Ilgauskas
101.6 million

Just missing the cut….

Antoine Walker 99.2 Million
Eddie Jones 98.7 Million
Antonio McDyess 97.6 Million
Damon Stoudamire 94.7 Million

Now if some of those 100+ millionaires made you think twice about how much “superstars” are paid these days….take a look at these career earnings compared with the greatest team ever assembled:

Team Great Agent:

Keith Van Horn 88.8 Million
Theo Ratliff 87 Million
Tim Thomas 84 Million
Erick Dampier 82.3 Million
Raef LaFrentz 71.3 Million
Steve Francis 67.7 Million
Donyell Marshall 63.1 Million
Austin Croshere 54.3 Million
Adonal Foyle 45 Million
Tony Battie 42.8 Million
TOTAL: 686.3 Million

1992 Dream Team Career Earnings

Patrick Ewing 123 Million
David Robinson 118 Million
Scottie Pippen 109.8 Million
Karl Malone 106.5 Million
Michael Jordan 93.7 Million
John Stockton 68.2 Million
Christian Laettner 61.5 Million
Magic Johnson 46.2 Million
Charles Barkley 43.5 Million
Chris Mullin 39.5 Million
Clyde Drexler 31.6 Million
Larry Bird 26.5 Million
TOTAL: 868 Million

When a team led by a white guy who wore high socks is an Antoine Walker and Eddie Jones career earning away from matching the greatest team ever assembled, I know something is very wrong. Brian Cardinal just reached 23.5 million for his career. Somewhere Isiah is crying, and this time it’s not about getting fired from the Knicks.

-Violent J

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The NBA MVP race is coming down to the wire. Four NBA superstars, including Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James and Chris Paul, have an opportunity to take home the crown. I have some bad news for anyone who was mentioned above whose name is not Kobe Bryant: you aren’t going to win. This is Kobe’s award. Call it a lifetime achievement award, call it an belated congratulations for beating those rape allegations, call it what you will, but make sure you know this is Kobe’s award. Did Chris Paul and Kevin Garnett orchestrate a bigger turnaround for their teams that Kobe did this season? Yes. Did Lebron James have better numbers and arguably establish himself as the most dominate offensive player in the league? Yes. All that logic is useless in the face of the Lakers securing the #1 seed and Kobe learning to play nice with his teammates.

But enough about who will probably win, I want to talk about who is most deserving. The MVP, or Most Valuable Player, for all you laymen out there, should have an impact on their team in a number of ways, not just on the court. Who has the hottest wife or girlfriend? Who has the best house? Who allegedly sexual assaulted a hotel worker on a road trip? These are the things that voters should look at. The basketball prowess of these for athletes is well known and pretty comparable across the board. It is the intangibles, which will be describe below, that will determine the winner:

Wives and Girlfriend:

Garnett – Wife Brandi

Chris Paul – Girlfriend Jada

Kobe – Wife Vanessa

LeBron – Girlfriend Savannah

Winner:

In my humble opinion, Garnett’s wife narrowly edges Kobe.

Digs:

Garnett: Former Home in Minnesota (We will count this one since he hasn’t had adequate time to find a house that suits his tax bracket (186 million dollar earned thus far in his career)

Chris Paul – Here is a slideshow with photos of Chris’ house.

Kobe – Here is Kobe’s Home in 2001. It has been 7 years, but I wouldn’t ever move out of this place if I were him: (You can scroll through that gallery as well)

LeBron – LeBron’s 35,000-square-foot house is on the order of 25 times larger than the outdoor cave that I live in. I can’t imagine, even with an aquarium, that his place has the wildlife that my place does.

Winner:

Kobe narrowly edges out LeBron on the strength of his locale. (Newport Beach vs. Akron)

Style:

Garnett –

Chris Paul –

Kobe –

LeBron –

Winner:

Nothing beats the zubaz pants, even Kobe’s suit above. Kobe wishes he could be half as stylish as the LeBron on the diving board.

Their Shoe:

Garnett:

Chris Paul:

Kobe Bryant – Zoom Kobe III

LeBron James –

Winner:

Paul wins this one because I need a shoe that I cannot only wear to play basketball, but also throw on with a suit to go to a wedding or a funeral.

Tattoos:

Garnett - Has “Blood Sweat Tears” and “Sky’s The Limit” tattooed on his right upper arm, along with a picture of two hands cradling a globe. Has “Malik Sealy RIP” (teammate and friend who died in car accident) tattooed on his right forearm.

Chris Paul – No tattoos

Kobe – That crown is for his wife, his “queen.” But what about the…oh never mind,

LeBron James – That Lions is pretty legit, although I have to say that “Chosen 1” across his back is probably the best he has. I was considering a similar tattoo across my back, which would have said “Anthony,” in Greek letters, with a beer can and a naked chick under it. Instead I got “Thug Life,” across my stomach. To this point I have intimidated .5 people.

Winner

Garnett takes this one because I love the “two arms cradling a globe” tat, and because Malik Sealy is a former Piston.

And your MVP is….

Kevin Garnett took the Wife/Girlfriend and tattoo category and secured his place as the 2008 MVP. It didn’t hurt that he took his team from 24 wins all the way to 65 (with one game to play).

The Angry T

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