While I was watching that fantastic looking G.I. Joe movie trailer yesterday, I noticed that the some kind soul had posted the original G.I. Joe public service announcements that came on at the end of every show.  I forgot how wonderful these were:

#1: What to do if you Get Lost:

#2: What to do if your house is on fire:

#3: Don’t swim when it’s storming – I learned this one the hard way

#4: Don’t pet strange dogs:

#5: Don’t be in a hurry to build a tree house – Measure twice, cut once, haste makes waste and a stitch in time saves nine.

#6: What to do if you catch on fire – Wrong answer include: Light a cigarette off your arm, throw your burning clothes at a vagrant or use the power of positive thought ala “The Secret,” to stop the fire from burning you alive.

#7: How to tread water – If you can’t instinctively tread water and happen to fall into a lake, nature has chosen you to die.

#8: Have an ump to officiate your baseball games -

#9: Don’t get mad at other players – I’m not sure I agree with this one, if one of your fellow seven year olds screws up, you to get in his face and let him know. It worked in Lady Bugs, it works in real life.

#10: Put reflectors on your bike

#11: You’ll never win if you give in – Unless you give in to the pressures of a college party and smoke some weed, then you win 14 gold medals.

#12:Don’t make false alarms

#13: How to stop a nose bleed – Additional answers include: STOP SNORTING COKE YOU LITTLE 7 YEAR OLD BASTARD

#14: Don’t skate on thin ice

#15: Don’t take drugs without parents

#16: It’s okay to be chicken if you’re smart -

#17: Get your eyes checked – Unless you have to wear glasses that look anything like the ones in this video.  It’s important to note that being healthy and enjoying life as a result of good vision isn’t nearly as important as looking good.  Looking good will always be more important than eye site.

#18 – Don’t run away from home – What was left out of this scene was a heartbreaking exchange between Ship Wreck and the child seeking to run away.  He tells the audience that his dad gets drunk and beat the hell out him daily. Ship Wreck, un-moved by the tears, and a stickler for the rules. drives the child home and drops him off with his abusive father.

#19. Don’t hide in a fridge – I can’t tell you how many of my childhood hide and go seek games ended tragically as a result of this tragic reality.

#20. What to do if someone passes out – No wonder that chick at the mall was so pissed when I started feeling her up after she passed out.  I was sure that was the protocol.

#21: Don’t play around electrical wires

#22: Call the fire department from outside:

#23: Don’t judge people – I assume this only applies to women and not dangerous minorities (Italians) and homosexuals

#24: Don’t Steal – Unless you really want or need the item in question or the person from who you’re stealing has more money than you.

#25: Don’t go with strangers – Any child that would get in a car with a moustached man in matching hat and green trench coat obviously has some sort of learning disability. This trench-coated man might be providing some sort of service for the local school district. I wouldn’t paint him with the “pedophile brush” just yet.

#26: Wear a life jacket – Also, don’t wear one of the hats that the two other dudes have on in this video

#27: Don’t misjudge the handicapped – I believe they prefer to be called ‘disabled,’ but I guess I’ll defer to the Native American on this one.  You could also call this kid “pimp,” because he walks with a cane and consistently finds pussy

Hopefully you enjoyed this walk down memory lane.

The Angry T

Popularity: 2% [?]

We are standing on the precipice of a great time in our movie watching lives. This year, no fewer than three movies that should peak the interest of every twenty something in the world.  Let’s take a look at the trailers:

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li - Release Date: February 29, 2009

Notice that Kriten Kruek plays the role of Chun Li, which makes my happy in a certain area of my body:

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – Release Date: August 2009

I am so goddamn excited about this movie that I plan to try to dive through the windows of a train, just like in the video above, at my next oppurtunity.

Transformers 2: The Revenge of the Fallen – June 26, 2009

I have my money on G.I Joe being the best movie of the bunch.  The whole “sequel is never as good as the original” will probably hurt Transformers. Although, the Dark Knight didn’t seem to struggle with that stigma.  Actually, I just want G.I. Joe to be the best of the three because I’ve watched the hell out of that show and I really want to see what advice Ship Wreck has to give me on the big screen.

I can’t tell you how many times I would have died had I not received this advice:

The Angry T

Popularity: 1% [?]

There are very few movies that I love that don’t involve at little bit of violence and a little bit of hot chicks. Looking at the cast and premise surrounding G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, I think I’ve found one of a movie that I can get on board with.  I loved GI Joe growing up, so if this movie starred Delta Burke and Freddie Prinze Jr I would probably rush out to see it.  That being said, let’s take a look at the talent in this movie:

Look at this son of a bitch below, I have no clue he’s up to, but I have to imagine it’s going to be entertaining:

I really hope he fights this guy:

So there’s the violence, now let’s take a look at the hot chicks:

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Popularity: 2% [?]