Now, while I am not the biggest Ginger fan, I think the use of force in attempt to curtail their soullessness is a big excessive.

Full disclosure: I would not kick this child:

Canada needs to take a step back and check itself.  Their culture of violence and intolerance of Gingers has gone on for too long.  I heard from NBA sources that this Ginger won’t even step into the Air Canada Center:

Some of th world’s most succesful people are Gingers, and it’s time that we recognized their charm and intelligence.  I’d love to see these punks try to kick Ron Howard, or this lovely lady:

The Angry T

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Now that the Midsummer Classic has passed, only Michael Phelps’ bitch-slapping of the Summer Games stands between us and the glory that is college football. 

You can’t pass a magazine rack without seeing dozens of college football preview issues and while Lindy’s, Street & Smith’s, Phil Steele and Athlon may focus on preseason Top 25 rankings and Heisman Watch Lists, we here at the Angry T offer a more original analysis.

These analyses will be released by conference, starting with everyone’s favorite whipping boy, the Big Ten.

The All-SPF 40 Team
This special honor is reserved for players that throw caution to the wind and brave the sweltering conditions of summer.  There were plenty of pasty Midwesterners to choose from, but the complexion on these boys was the creamiest of the crop:

In order from L-R: Ben Chappell (Indiana), Joe Bauserman (Ohio State), Kevin Watt (Northwestern), Ryan Orton (Minnesota)

The All-Academic Team
All kidding aside, two of these young men put the “student” in student-athlete, and deserve a spot on this team.  The other?  Well, he was chosen because he looks like he’s good at multiprication and wong division.

L-R: John Henry Pace (Northwestern), Eric Vandenheuval (Wisconsin) and Jon Majalap Thoma (Ohio State)

The All-Greek Team
While the Angry T does not have anything against fraternities, the following players reminded us all of the stereotypical frat boy that we all have known and love to hate.  An important side note: Matt Mayberry, in an effort to let everyone know how jacked he is, pushed his sleeves up for his headshot.  Douchebaggery at its finest.

L-R: Matt Mayberry (Indiana), Andrew Brewer (Northwestern), Collin Taylor (Indiana), Jeff Tarpinian (Iowa)

The All-Pencil Neck Team
If the following players walked into class wearing a team issue football hoody, you would most certainly ask him if his roommate is the starting QB.  When he claimed to actually be a member of the team, you would beat him unconscious and steal the hoody for his insolence.

L-R: Zach Opsal (Wisconsin), Chris Summers (Purdue), Teddy Schell (Indiana)

The All-Badass Team
Unlike the previous three dweebs, you would never attempt to steal anything from, raise a hand to or even glance at these bad-looking dudes.  Unless, of course, you want this (or this) to happen to you.

L-R: Jeff Cumberland (Illinois), Corbin Bryant (Northwestern), Darius Johnson (Indiana)

Reggie Cleveland All-Stars
If you read the Sports Guy, you’ve probably seen a mention of the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars.  If not, here’s a crash course.  Here’s the Big Ten’s contribution to the ever-growing list:

L-R: Colin Neely (Northwestern), Joe Whitest (Purdue), Michael Ramirez (Michigan), Vince Browne (Northwestern)

Look-Alikes

Xavier Fulton (Illinois) and Michael Vick

Preston Numa (Purdue) and Rev Run

Chris Colasanti (Penn State) and Robert DeNiro

Odds and Ends

Player with the Most Famous TV Dad: Joel Belding (Northwestern)

Player Most Likely to Not Live Up to His Name: Michael Jordan (Michigan State)

Just a goofy picture that I couldn’t figure out how to work in here: Scott Lilja (Northwestern)

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