When did golf turn into a fashion show? When did it become necessary for golfer’s to trot out their flashiest and most homoerotic pants and shirts four days a week so they could hit a little white ball in a hole in style.  Ridiculously tight pants, belt buckles, muscle polo shirts and oddly shaped hats are just a few of these unwelcome changes to golf attire over the last few years.  The leader of the United States Open is wearing a hat that looks like it was made to fit Spongebob’s square head with a brim made for a 9 year old little leaguer’s baseball cap.

What is the point of a hat on the golf course? Iwas under the impression that you wore a hat on the golf course to shield your face and eyes from the harmful rays of the sun.  Apparently that whole dynamic has changed.  Here’s another dynamic that’s changed:

I love the fact that they’re plaid, and they look like they were woven from hemp and bermuda grass.

Ricky is by no means alone.  Ian Poulter hasn’t seen a pair of pants that everybody hates that he doesn’t like:

While I’m certain he does this to bring attention to himself, he could probably do a better job of grabbing attention by actually winning something. Oh what a free spirit he must be.  He chooses to be the bad boy who dresses different in the most repressed and stuck sport this side of polo. He’s 33 years old but he still chooses to dress like he’s going to the discotech to slam appletini’s with two great guys he met at the gym.

Then there’s Camilo Villegas, who outright refuses to put on a shirt and pants that doesn’t accentuate each ab and each testicle individually:

We get it pal, you have a membership to Gold’s Gym, but is it really necessary to give each and every television viewer a shot of the frank and beans when you bend over to read a putt.

And as for you Anthony Kim, are we in a Master P video or at a golf tournament? What’s that, about 31 carats set in platinum? If this whole golf thing doesn’t work out for you, you’ll have no time picking up work as a member of Lupe Fiasco’s entourage. How uncomfortable are you about taking drugs through an airport? Forget it, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I missed when golf turned into a fashion show but  if this is the way the tide is turning, I think it’s time for me to get on board, even though I’m not the biggest fan of British flag shirts and ball-hugger pants.  Let’s really do this fashion thing right if we’re going to do it.  Let’s get Jim Nance and the rest of the broadcast crew pimped out in Coogi sweaters and throw Judy Rankin in a Versace pant suit and high heels to walk with the players.

Why not dress up the caddies as well? From now on let’s only allow them to wear clothes and bibs from Hot Topic.  How great would Steve Williams look in a black mesh shirt with some black cargo pants and a bad ass wallet chain.  Throw some eye shadow on em’ and paint his face white and we’ve got ourselves a fashion statement.  Either that, or Ricky Barnes should wear a sombrero on Monday…make it viewer’s choice, American Idol style.

The Angry T

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Commander of the free world my ass, just look at the golf swing of the man pegged with ensuring the safety of the United States for the next four years:

Free golf balls at the range? At what kind of white collar, bourgeois golf course is our supposed “middle-class”  president teeing up?

Outside of the hoity-toity links at which Barack has chosen to play, there is the issue of his swing. I appreciate that he stretched before beginning to practice (a streched nation is a prepared nation) but could we cut down on the lower body movement Barack.  Are we trying to do the soulja boi or hit a golf ball out here? You get the club all the way into the slot on your backswing and then have a seizure on the downswing.  How do you expect to compete with world leader like Kim Jong-Il on the golf course with a swing like that? This guy shot 38 under in the first round of golf of his career! If he is that good, he can have all the nukes we wants.

Potential international incidents aside, I have another question for Mr. President elect.  The shots below, as well as the video above, were taken during Barack’s Christmas visit to Hawaii.

Is he wearing the same cargo khaki golf shorts in both pictures? Are you telling me Barack Obama, the next president of the United States, can’t afford more than one pair of khaki golf shorts? Take a trip to Old Navy pal, those exact same shorts are 2/$25 until January 9th. Again I refer to Mr. Jong-Il to make a point:

How can Barack even step on the same course with a guy that not only out plays him, but also outdresses him?

Of course, I kid Barack, but at the same time, step it up on the course, future leader of the free world.

The Angry T

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So, you’re throwing back a couple pops with friends on the golf course and all of a sudden nature calls. OH NO!! You are in the middle of the course with no trees around with no place to pee without being seen by the group of 12 year old girls teeing off to you left.  Fear not drunk golfer, I give you the UroClub:

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Five Holes-in-One in one week. Think about that. Let it marinate in your head for a moment and wrap your mind around the ridiculousness of this accomplishment. It’s not like this guy was playing a Augusta (you  can view the course scorecard here) but this is still amazing. If you haven’t grasped how crazy this is, I’ll use a little bit of math to express the craziness.

According to Golf Digest, a tour players has about a 3,000-1 chance of making an ace, the low handicapper has around a 5,000-1 chance and the average golfer has a 12,000-1 chance.  Let’s assume, since this guy made 5 holes-in-one in a week, that he is a low handicapper.

El Paso Club has four par 3’s, so Curt Hocker has a 4 in 5,000 (1 in 1,250) chance to make a hole-in-one when he plays an 18 hole round. Let’s also make an assumption that Curt played 10 rounds in that seven day period.

(This assumption is a factor in some of the ridiculous odds below.  If he played more than 10, 18 hole rounds in that week, the odds would be a little less ridiculous then they are below, but still very ridiculous)

So…

If he plays 10 rounds in a week, he gives himself 10, 1 in 1,250 chances of making a hole-in-one, or a 10 in 1,250 chance (1 in 125) that he makes a hole-in-one in any of the ten rounds.  Curt is so good however, that he made five hole-in-ones in that 10 round periods. Using the math above, he had a:

(1 in 125 x 1 in 125 x 1 in 125 x 1 in 125 x 1 in 125)  chance of making five holes-in-one in that 10 round period.  For your reference, all the multiplication above gives you:

1 in 30,517,578,125 chance of making five holes-in-one in 10 rounds.

To add an even greater degree of difficulty, Kurt made at least at three (the article is not specific) of these holes-in-one on Par 4’s.  According to Golf Digest, the chances of making a hole-in-one on a par four is around 1 in 1,000,000.  We’ll bump it down to 1 in 750,000 because this guy is obviously pretty good.  Looking at the El Paso Golf Club scorecard, I see four par fours under 355 yards.  I’ll assume that those holes are reachable for this dude if he has already made four par four hole-in-ones this year. So, doing the math:

Four 1 in 750,000 chances per 18 hole round.  Four chances per round over 10 rounds means a 40 in 750,000, or 1 in 18,750 chance of making one par four hole-in-one in 10 rounds of golf.

So, the chances of this dude making five holes-in-one, three of which are holes-in-one on par 4’s in a 10 round stretch are:

1 in 125 x 1 in 125 x 1 in 18,750 x 1 in 18,750 x 1 in 18,750 =

1 in 102,996,826,171,775,000 chance of making five holes-in-one, three of which are holes-in-one on par fours, in a 10 round period. I believe they call this 102 quadrillion, 996 trillion, 826 billion, 171 million, 775 thousand.

Buy a lottery ticket dude.

If that was too much math for you, I leave you with this:

The Angry T

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On Tuesday we told you about the Buick Open’s attempt to excite the tournament crowd sans Tiger, by pairing Kid Rock and John Daly in the pro-am. Thankfully, Kid Rock did not disappoint.

Kid Rock, clad in a pair of overalls and a white T-shirt, had to be given a pair of golf shoes to wear for the 18 holes with Daly

I guess that qualifies as proper golf attire. I can only imagine what Kid Rock was prepared to wear on his feet if tournament organizers had to give him shoes before the round. Here is my guess:

The Angry T

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Just like John says at the 2:25 mark, “Don’t underestimate the fat man.”

I can’t imagine John was knockin’ back a few pops that day. I always take off my shirt and shoes in the middle of a golf course when I’m sober. Judging by his birdie putt (2:40 mark), John may need a little work on his short game, and his core.

Watch this video and tell me you don’t love this guy.

I really love athletes who let themselves go, whether they do it during their career, or wait until after they retire. I even get why they do it in most cases. For most of their natural life they had to train, and watch what they eat. For a lot of athletes their career is based on their ability to stay in shape. So, when they retire and no longer have that pressure, it is only logical that they would just say “screw it,” I am doing what I want now. By the way, this is not John Daly’s excuse at all, he is just a fat guy, plain and simple.

Just because I understand it, doesn’t mean I won’t make fun of it. Fat athletes make us feel better about our love handles, spare tires and giant goiters hanging off the side of our face. Below are my Top 10 athletes who let themselves go: (With Then/Now Pics)

10. Charles Barkley

9. Phil Mickelson

8. Mike Tyson

7. Ernie Holmes – #63 – He played around 260 pounds (RIP)

6. George Forman

5. Tony Gywnn

4. Kirby Puckett (RIP)

3. Barry Bonds – He really let himself go, just look how we ballooned up later in his career:

2. Shawn Kemp

1. Diego Maradona

Maybe John isn’t in such bad shape after all.

The Angry T

The Angry T

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Tiger Woods passed Arnold Palmer on the career wins list with a long distance delivery on the 18th hole at Bayhill. The birdie on the 18th put Woods at 10 under, good enough for a one stroke win over Bart Bryant. Poor Bary Bryant, who could have guaranteed himself a spot in the Masters with a win, was visibly laughing on the 18th hole after Woods holed the 25 foot bomb to win a PGA event for the 64 time in his already illustrious career. Le Tigre’s triumph marked his five consecutive victory on the PGA tour. Thankfully, you don’t have to feel that bad for ol’ Bart though, he picked up a solid 660,000 dollars for his trouble.

I found the video below on Youtube: Enjoy it as long as it is up:

The Angry T

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