We’d never joke about a man’s loss of livelihood in this trying economy, unless of course that man was married to an unbelievably hot chick, like Hank Baskett. He has more than enough reason to plaster a smile on his face even without gainful employment. Hank’s predicament got me thinking about other unemployed or generally average atheltes that still manage to hold down some very fine females.

Hank with Playboy Playmate Kendra Wilkinson

(UPDATE: Hank is employed again!!! Kendra was only the family breadwinner for about 30 hours.  Congrats to a newly employed Hank.  It’s a tough job market out there, you should be proud of yourself)

In honor of Hank and many other useless athletes with hot arm candy, we present the Griffin Guess awards. For those of you who aren’t aware, Griffin Guess is uber-unattractive boyfriend of THE Marisa Miller. This guy must wrap that thing twice around his leg just to walk down the street, because there is no other explanation for him bagging that type of hotness:

Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Jason Campbell – Ms. District of Columbia – Merceded Lindsey – Campbell isn’t useless of course, he’s a starting NFL QB, for now…he might not be so un-useless in a few months.

The near Griffin Guess of the NBA Marko Jaric – Adriana Lima

Marko Holds the extra distinction of being weird looking, below average at his sport, and dating one of the hottest women in the world.

Adam Archuleta – Current Las Vegas Locomotives Safety – Jennifer Walcott Playboy Playmate -  His career got off to a promising start with the Rams.  Archuleta then left any skill for the game in St. Louis when he signed with the Redskins. I can only hope this precipitous drop in talent is due to long nights spent with Jennifer.  I’d probably take her over the NFL too if I had the choice and I did one faithful night in the Reno airport bathroom.  But that’s another fake story for another fake time…

Oh that’s not the right guy? Well, he plays safety at about the same level.

Scott Podsednik – Lisa Dergan – No one slugs .381, throws like a girl and picks up hot chicks like Scott.  I also feel bad for theisguy that he was having his best season in 5 years and Kenny Williams still swung a deal to replace him with Alex Rios.  Poor Scott, what will he do with his time if the Sox don’t resign him after this season…

and finally…

Aaron Fricking Boone and Laura Cover – Outside of that one magical swing in October 2003, the career .263 has been all sorts of average.  That didn’t stop him from pulling Laura Cover. (Questionably safe for work)

This just goes to show that there is still hope for the Renaldo Balkman’s, the Robert Swift’s and the Nate Robertson’s of the world.  If you’re an average or below average professional athlete, look to these men for inspiration if necessary.  There’s no reason why you can’t  snag a playmate if Hank Baskett can.  WWHBD?  A playboy playmate…every day of his life.

The Angry T

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We’ve been on hiatus for a couple weeks attending to some family matters, but we wanted to come back strong and there’s only one way to do that, with hot chicks.

We came across this picture of Megan Fox from her new project Jennifer’s Body. I’m less concerned about Jennifer’s body than I am about Megan’s body, which as you can see below, looks pretty great in this outfit.

In honor of Megan, let’s take a look at the 10 best, besides Megan of course, movie and TV cheerleaders.

10. Kelly Kapowski and Co. – Saved by the Bell

9. Jamie Pressley – Not Another Teen Movie

8. Christina Milian - Love Don’t Cost a Thing

7. Ali Larter – Varsity Blues

A little bikini action as well

6. Brooke Langton – The Replacements

5. Kate Mara – We Are Marshall

I like this one more:

4. Hayden Penitierre – Heroes and Bring it On

3. Gabrielle Union – Bring it On

2. Eliza Dushku – Bring it On  (Sorry Kirsten Dunst, you are the #3 hottest chick in this movie)

Was there ever any doubt who #1 would be? Nice work Derek…

1. Minka Kelly – Friday Night Lights

We’re coming back with a vengence.  We look forward to showing you more hot chicks in the future.

The Angry T

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Fans of SI HotClicks, and this blog, are well aware of the ongoing hot girlfriend battle between John Mayer and Derek Jeter.  (And don’t forget to check out Round 2) If you’ve really been paying attention, you might even remember Cristiano Ronaldo threw his hat in the ring with his really hot girlfriend line-up. While all these men have impressive stables,  I think its time to recognize a nearly 50 year old man for what he is: a stone cold pimp. Meet Jorge Clooney, star of Ocean’s 11-13.  He recently picked up a Sardinian model and tv presenter Elisabetta Canalis, among many other hotties over the years.  Take a look.

Feast your eyes on Elisabetta Canalis:

Nice work George, but this is really nothing new for you.  You’ve been doing this for years.  Let’s take a look through your portfolio.

Sarah Larson – Cocktail waitress at the Palms

Another cocktail waitress Lucy Wolver

Rumored to have dated Michelle Pfieffer

90’s Michell Pfieffer

Rumored to have dated Pink

Actress Talia Balsum

Maybe a swing and a miss there.

80’s Kelly Preston

How does that taste Travolta?

Waitress Celine Balitran.  He really loves those bar maids.

The thing you really have to respect about Clooney is that if you go from the top of this list to the bottom of this list, you’re going back in time around 25 years.  Sure Jeter’s picking up the Minka Kelly’s of the world now, but let’s see if he is pulling like that he is when he’s 48.  Let’s see if John Mayer is still picking up the Jennifer Aniston’s of the world the allure of the Mayer face wears off.  Let’s see if Cristiano Ronaldo…well I have to imagine that his skin will look and feel to smoky link by the time he turns 30 if he keeps up this pace.

Do you think Clooney measures up to the greats like Mayer and Jeter?

The Angry T

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Here is your 1500m women’s world champion.  She’s hot, in fantastic shape, and Italian, which makes her around 11 times hotter than normal women.

In case you haven’t seen her before, she looks like this:

Alessia Filippi’s lovely behind

Alessia Filippi’s Loveliness in the Swimming Pool

Alessia Fillipi’s lovely body out of the pool

Even though the World Championships are still young, another hottie, Frederica Pelligrini set a world record in qualifying.

Frederica Pelligrini kissing things and wearing a bathing suit.

Frederica Pelligrini wearing a sports bra.

Frederica Pelligrini sitting on bamboo.

Helllllooooo swimming world championship.  We’ll continue to detail the hotness at this meet as the week goes on.

The Angry T

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Frequent viewers of this blog know that I am a huge fashion buff.  That’s why I decided to post these picture of beautiful models in these KEVA bikinis.  Sure they happen to be really hot Miami Dolphins cheerleaders promoting these suits for Miami’s fashion week, but I’m posting them simply for their inherent stylistic value:

Miami Dolphins Cheerleader in what looks like one piece swimsuit.

Miami Dolphins Cheerleader with great abs in a two piece bikini

My future wife…also Miami Dolphin Cheerleader in a bikini

miami dolphins cheerleaders bikini

Miami Dolphins Cheerleader in a stunning silver bikini

Pure stylistic value.  Miami Dolphins Cheerleader know how to dress…in very small bikinis.

The Angry T

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When I hear the word “CONGA!!,” I almost always think Gloria Estefan.  Now, thanks to Ms. Estefan purchase of a small stake in the Miami Dolphins, her name will become synonymous with NFL football…probably.  In any event, the singer/songwriter of such classics as “The Rythm is Gonna Get You,” and “1-2-3,” and unquestioned front woman for the Miami Sound Machine is an NFL owner.  I just can’t wait to see her at the owner’s meetings.

Gloria’s little purchase got me thinking about some other divas who may want to consider professional sports ownership.  I’d also direct them as to which team they should purchase and why.  All they have to do is lay down the cash.

Thanks for Jazzy J, Jake Roland for the inspiration…

Carrie Underwood – Dallas Cowboys – It’s finally time for Carrie to exact her revenge for the break-up and send Tony Romo where he belongs.  To be honest, I always thought that Brooks Bollinger had a bettter arm anyway, grab a slice of bench Romo.

Whitney Houston – Cincinnati Bengals - I know Whitney says that she’s clean these days, but let’s imagine for a second that she isn’t clean, which is preposterous, because everyone knows that crack is a very easy drug to quit.  But, if by some stretch of the imagination she was still using, there wouldn’t be a better group of enablers than the Bengals.

Mariah Carey -  Detroit Lions - Everyone knows that Mariah loves to play sugar momma to her boyfriend Nick Cannon. What better way to show her affection than to buy Nick a football team? The Lions are the perfect team for Nick because he is the newly minted host of “America’s Got Talent.” Hopefully he can find a few contestants with some ability to play middle linebacker, or defensive back.  Detroit fans like myself can only hope.

Aretha Franklin – Buffalo Bills - Aretha has a dream.  She wants to find a group of people that she can visit an All-You-Can-Eat buffet with without feelings bad about herself.  (I know Aretha, the crab legs look to good to pass up) The Bills average poundage across their offensive line is 332 lbs, heaviest in the NFL.  Her dreams might finally be realized with this purchase.

Jessica Simpson – New Orleans Saints - Jessica’s connection with Proactiv Solutions may finally help Drew Brees get that thing off of his face.

Queen Latifah – New England Patriots – You may or may not know Queen Latifah is the proud owner of a FatBurger restaurant:

In an ingenious scheme to get Kraft macaroni and cheese in every FatBurger restaurant in America, Robert Kraft sponsors Latifah’s purchase of a minority stake in the team.  He’s got the blue box blues and a lot more coin in his pocket after this transaction.

Madonna – Denver Broncos - Denver Broncos ownership has the last know cell phone number for Travis Henry and as you may know, Travis Henry has nine children from nine different women.  Madonna is hoping that minority ownership of the the team will allow her to get close enough to adopt at least six of Henry’s nine kids and grow her brood.

Brooke Hogan – Arizona Cardinals - Beefy Brooke Hogan has given up on her singing career and is done with television.  She needs a new job, and she believes that she is perfectly suited to play OT for an NFL team.  The Cardinals had the worst rush offense in the league last year and could really use her.  Plus, Ken Whisenhunt is afraid to say no to those thighs.

Jennifer Lopez – Seattle Seahawks - Jennifer is really interested in football, so it’s no wonder that she wants to purchase a team.  At the same time, she doesn’t want to alienate her husband when she purchases a team full of strong, attractive men.  So, Jennifer makes the only logical team purchase decision  and buys a team quarterbacked by a man that looks like a cross between your dad and Mr. Clean, with the physique of the guy who cleans your pool. This way, her hideous screw of a husband won’t feel threatened.  Nice work Mrs. Anthony.

Britney Spears – Oakland Raiders -Unlike all the other divas on this list, Britney does not get to choose her team.  Britney was actually handpicked by Al Davis to succeed his was owner.  Al said that Britney is the only diva he could trust to make nonsensical decision on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis just like he has.  Al also appreciates Britney’s ability to choose inexperienced and unproven young men as her boyfriends and husbands.  Al’s been choosing equally inexperienced and unproven young men as 1st round draft picks for years and he’s been wowed by Britney’s ability to do the same.

The NFL Diva revolution has begun, you need only to embrace it.

The Angry T and Jazzy J

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