Any person how has watched even 10 minutes of college basketball analysis knows the phrase that makes my skin crawl and my hair stand on end. This phrase has been used, without any substitution, for probably as long as the tournament has been around in its current form. Joe Lunardi makes his living off this phrase and maybe that’s why he refuses to substitute this phrase for something clever in any situation, ever. If you haven’t guessed by now, the phrase I am referring to is “on the bubble,” and it disgusts me that no one has come up with a different term for “their tournament future is uncertain,” in the last 20 years.
At the Angry T, we don’t just complain about things that bother us, we roll up our sleeves and do our best to solve the problem. We have put together the 10 best replacements for the phrase “On the Bubble.” You are welcome Joe Lunardi, we expect a fruit basket.

10. “After their recent loss to Clemson, the Maryland Terapins are officially bi-sexual, they aren’t quite in, and they aren’t quite out. They are delightfully in between.”

9. “Billy Donovan and the Florida Gators are like, ”Travis Henry wearing a condom, ” it is an uncomfortable situation for them, they want to win, and get out of that position as soon as possible.

8. “The Western Kentucky Hilltoppers will need to win their conference tournament to get out of the Thunderdome. When you are in there, one slip up could mean death to your tournament life.”

7. “Syracuse will probably have to get to the finals of the Big East Tournament to secure themselves a tournament bid, until then, they are in the proverbial, “Shark Tank from Deep Blue Sea”…and I mean after Samuel L. Jackson died and everyone realized the sharks very dangerous.”

6. “Despite Kentucky’s impressive conference record, the Wildcats’ is still ‘In a locked bathroom with Yokozuna at Mexican Restaurant,’ because of their poor early season play. The SEC tournament could get them out of that tight spot, or at least give them a courtesy flush.

5. “Kent State’s loss to Bowling Green puts them in “having sex with Tara Reid.” They’re pretty sure they’re in, but it’s such a mess down there they can’t know for sure”

4. “Dayton started the season by winning 14 of their first 15 games, but their record in their last 10 has left them ‘like a man with ED at a orgy.’ They are forced to sit on the sidelines, hoping against hope to get to get involved in some way.”

3. “Despite 20 wins on the season, Miami’s .500 ACC record has them ‘like the 3rd Baldwin Brother.’ Maybe they’ll be in the movie….but only if they need an extra.”

2. “New Mexico’s overtime loss to BYU has them ‘getting a ride home from the bar from Tony La Russa.’ It’s not something they want to do, but they are here, and they are going to have to make the best of it.

1. “USC and Arizona State need to add one more signature win to show the committee they are consistent basketball teams. Until then, they find themselves ‘trying to hook up while drunk.’ They know the ‘talent’ is there, but ‘the talent’ could fail on them at any moment, completely without warning, leaving them open to ridicule and shame.”

Don’t get cheap on me Joe, I am giving you two weeks to send me the fruit basket, or I am coming to Bristol.

The Angry T

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