Any red blooded American wrestling fan who watched the debate last night was thinking one thing and one thing only, “My god Barack Obama sounds like ‘The Rock.’” After McCain made a quip about Barack not voting on a spending bill, I have expected Barack to respond with, “You know what you do with that spending bill John? You can take the bill, roll it up real tight. Put a little hot wax stamp on it, turn that sum’ bitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass.”
I know this isn’t a groundbreaking new idea, many people have suggested that Barack sounds like the people’s champ. However, I don’t think that people have considered what might happen if Barack takes his “Rock-ness,” to the White House. I have to imagine that we would scoff at appointing career politicians to his cabinet. Instead, he would bring his squared circle cronies to the White House with him. Let’s take a look at who he might appoint.
(Sorry Mick, you missed the list, no one trusts you in Washington)
Secretary of Defense – Sergeant Slaughter - Who better to defend our shores than a man with experience in the military? If I remember correctly, he also has a significant amount of experience dealing with Iranian leaders, which is a vital skill as we mitigate our issues in the Middle East.
Secretary of the Treasury – Ted “The Million Dollar Man” Dibiase – He is uber rich, he knows how to deal with money and he isn’t afraid to shove a few hundred dollars down someone’s throat if necessary.
Secretary of State – Hacksaw Jim Duggan – This man loves America and he would be the perfect ambassador to our foreign neighbors.
Secretary of the Interior – Val Venis – No one knows the “interior” quite like Val Venis. He has shown a knack of getting in and out of the interior in a variety of situations.
Secretaries of Agriculture – The Bushwhackers - They come from the outback, which is assume is the “bread basket” of Australia. They also lick each others foreheads, which I believe is one of the requisites of this job.
Secretary of Health and Human Services – Dr. Isaac Yankem – This is the man to turn around Medicare and Medicaid.
Secretary of Transportation – The Godfather – His many years of work with the “Hooooooooooooeeeeee Train,” earns him this cabinet appointment.
Secretary of Commerce – Cryme Tyme - These men, more than anyone else, know the value of a dollar. Or at least it would see that way, because they only time you ever saw them on TV was when they were stealing people’s car or laptops or television.
Secretary of Labor – Vincent Kennedy McMahon – He has hired and fired hundreds of superstars over the years, he could get this country’s labor market back on track.
Secretaries of Energy – The Spirit Squad – There have been few WWE Superstars that were more energetic than the Spirit Squad.
Secretaries of Veteran Affairs – Pat Patterson and Gerald Briscoe – McMahon’s henchman were probably veterans themselves, so let them manage veteran affairs.
(This is first class ass-whooping courtesy of Briscoe and Patterson at the expense of the Mean Street Posse)
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development -Demolition – If they can destroy a house, I have to believe they can build one.
(how awesome was this game?)
Secretary of Education – Bobby “The Brain” Heenan - “The Brain” has a lot to teach the youth of America.
Secretary of Homeland Secuity – Stone Cold Steve Austion – He doesn’t have any specific skill set that would qualify him for this position, but he needs to be in the cabinet, if for nothing else than to pull off the two stunts below on Capitol Hill.
If you think that Barack Obama throwing Stone Cold into the Potomac river wouldn’t get people interested in politics again, you are crazy?
Did I miss any other people that deserve a congressional appointment?
The Angry T
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